[growlycat]

Does your t see you in a vastly different way than you see yourself?

Today I saw Kashi (not our usual day). He surprised me by categorizing me as a type A personality. He called me driven. I don't see myself as that aggressive or driven personality wise. I've done a lot to keep up my career but outside of that I feel weird being categorized this way. Maybe even misunderstood

Anyone else experience a gap between how t sees you and how you see yourself?

He said "I'd be very surprised you're not an introvert" and I think I am very introverted so he was right about that.
He was surprised when I described myself as "weird". He said he didn't think of me as weird at all which I found surprising because I'm really weird.
I think he was thinking of the word weird in a pejorative sense, whereas I really like being weird.

She believes I work very hard, I believe I'm a slacker and should work way harder.

She says I'm brave and it takes courage to be open, I regularly scold myself for being a coward.

[LostOnTheTrail]

'I was 23 and crazy
Frightened, overwhelmed and angry
You said 'That's not how I see you.
You treat yourself unfairly...don't treat yourself unfairly.'

First time I heard this song, these lines stopped me in my tracks. In past sessions, R has said all of these: 'You are not weak. You are not defeatist...you're tired.'

[Demunie]

I think T sees me quite differently than I see myself. I think we have the same perception and just name it differently though.

I'd describe myself as weak, lazy, stupid and I say that everything I achieved was through pure luck. T says that no lazy, stupid person who gives up easily would have done that

[Amyjay]

Yes i am sure my t thinks of me differently. my t sees many sides of me, i only see me. She sees that I can't see all of myself and knows I have a lot of amnesia in daily life.
I see competent me. I can't see what I can't see.

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by Demunie

I think T sees me quite differently than I see myself. I think we have the same perception and just name it differently though.

I'd describe myself as weak, lazy, stupid and I say that everything I achieved was through pure luck. T says that no lazy, stupid person who gives up easily would have done that

My boss always says that luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

[anais_anais]

Yes. I'm starting to experience this conflict less often, but last year M was saying something offhand about being proud of me and how talented and successful I was and it felt so wrong to me that when I left the session

Possible trigger:

I almost killed myself.

I'm not sure why that was my reaction-- maybe I felt that for him to hold these opinions about my qualities I must have lied to him egregiously about myself, because I'd never heard these things from anyone else before? Or maybe by doing something drastic I wanted to prove to him that I was not successful, that the truth was that I was pathetic and really struggling? Maybe some of both.

We've done more work on it since then. I'm beginning to feel less of a split and I'm starting to see in some ways that he is right. I realized too that M wasn't the only person who said these things to me-- it's just that in the past when someone complimented me this way, I would write it off as them being manipulative, wanting something from me, so the statements never registered as true reflections on my character.

[DodgersMom]

i think my T and the rest of the world see me differently than i see myself
i have awful low esteem.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T thinks I'm more competent and driven than I think I am. And that I'm a better mom than I really am. She also seems to be under the delusion that I always get to her office early, when usually I'm racing in right at the time of the appointment.

Marriage counselor seems to think I'm stronger than I am and that I can handle more than I really can. And he seems to think I'm less messed up than I think I am.

My T when he looks at me, I think firstly he looks through rose coloured spectacles. He thinks I'm an extrovert. He thinks I'm funny with lots of personality! That is so not how I am. I'm definitely not extrovert & I do use sarcasm a lot, which I guess could be construed as funny. These things he sees are my defence mechanisms that I've perfected. He thinks I'm a very kind & sensitive, yet I see myself as an ice queen. (Some of my colleagues at work think that too) I tell him he keeps getting me mixed up with someone else!

[awkwardlyyours]

Almost all Ts I've seen (even for a single session) have seen me as far tougher / invulnerable / aggressive than I actually feel / am.

Some openly said it early on while current T was kind enough to enlighten me about 10 months in.

My therapist has a much more positive view of me than I have of myself, both in my personal and professional life. She has been to work with me a couple times and says very positive things. It is hard for me to believe her because I was raised hearing such negative things.

I'm seeing a common theme here. RoboT sees me as high functioning, competent, resilient, strong, etc. I, of course, see none of these things. I often feel like I'm barely able to compensate and that I'm weak.

[growlycat]

Yes I see a common theme too!!

Do you all think that:
A. Therapists see so many very sick people that you look stunningly functional in comparison
OR...
B. You really do see yourself in poor terms for whatever reason... self esteem issues etc.
OR
C. Therapists are sugar coating how you are in order to bolster your self worth

Thoughts??

For me I think it's 95% of B and 5% C. I can't speculate as to the function capabilities of his other clients, but I'd guess that I'm in the 4th quartile of his patients when it comes to level of "sickness."

[awkwardlyyours]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Yes I see a common theme too!!

Do you all think that:
A. Therapists see so many very sick people that you look stunningly functional in comparison
OR...
B. You really do see yourself in poor terms for whatever reason... self esteem issues etc.
OR
C. Therapists are sugar coating how you are in order to bolster your self worth

Thoughts??

I have confirmation from multiple Ts including current T and former T that at least in my case, it's a resounding A.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Yes I see a common theme too!!

Do you all think that:
A. Therapists see so many very sick people that you look stunningly functional in comparison
OR...
B. You really do see yourself in poor terms for whatever reason... self esteem issues etc.
OR
C. Therapists are sugar coating how you are in order to bolster your self worth

Thoughts??

I would guess the first two, not so much the third. I think when it comes to something like how well one functions/copes, there's a big gap between subjective and objective impressions. I know I've felt completely ****ed with every fibre of my being and yet struggled to come up with objective evidence when questioned...

I mean, I used to experience such horrific anxiety before work that I seriously felt I was dying every morning, wanted to call in, thought about driving to the ER, wished I'd just get into an accident and die already...

But, as T asked me questions about this, I was shocked to realize that the subjective truth of my anxiety just wasn't reflected by anything objective. I never did call in, always got to work, didn't receive customer complaints or reprimands.

Sure felt like I was barely functioning...but if that were the case, wouldn't I have had missed days? Done my job badly? Gotten complaints? Had my boss notice?

Anyway, I think T's (well, most people who don't live inside our heads) can see these objective things much more clearly than they can see subjective impressions.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Yes I see a common theme too!!

Do you all think that:
A. Therapists see so many very sick people that you look stunningly functional in comparison
OR...
B. You really do see yourself in poor terms for whatever reason... self esteem issues etc.
OR
C. Therapists are sugar coating how you are in order to bolster your self worth

Thoughts??

I'm thinking all of the above, to varying degrees. For A: With MC, the main focus of his practice is troubled teens, so I probably do seem fairly mentally healthy in comparison to some of them. And T has been in practice for at least 40 years, so she's likely seen much worse than me over the years. Though she sometimes seems confused as to why I'm not doing better than I am at this point, like why I still struggle...

For B, yes, I definitely have low self-esteem. I mean, in a recent MC session, in response to some stuff H was saying, I was saying how I'm a terrible wife, how I wondered why H stayed with me, etc. According to MC and T, I tend to take comments about a particular thing that I do and generalize them to me as a person.

For C...I'd like to think this isn't true, but, see B. I wonder if they're both trying to build me up so that, like, if I believe in myself, I'll do better. Like, if they believe in me and think I'm better than I am, then maybe I'll start to believe it.

[annielovesbacon]

My T has described me as "badass" and "smart as hell." I disagree. I don't think I have low self esteem, I think I have a pretty realistic view of myself. I just don't think I am that terribly smart -- I'm not dumb (school-wise), I'm just a pretty average student. And as for "badass"... I don't know where that came from or why she thinks that. I can't think of a single thing I've done that I would consider to be badass.

[Blaire]

I have also had the experience of hating myself when he told me I was strong and capable because I knew it wasn't true. The compliments made me feel like a fraud and a liar, which caused me to do some self destructive things.

I need to remember to tell my new therapist not to give me compliments like that because it's quite literally dangerous for me.