[rainbow8]

Can we please talk more about the process of separating from a T after years of therapy? In my case, 7 years. Today I talked some about not feeling so connected to her lately, and about missing "what we had." I said I'm separating emotionally but I don't want to! She said part of me wants to; it was my goal in therapy, after all, and should be! And she had the parts "talk to each other." I said the one part misses holding her hand, and other ways we seemed to be more connected in the past. T said that at this point, holding her hand leads me the wrong way, or something like that. I know what she means. I have learned to be there for myself, and not need her to get those needs met. If I had a partner, it would help too. She didn't say that; I did. She said she's not my mother, but in terms of the work we've done, I'm at the young adult or adult stage of growing up and being independent. It's a good thing, but yes, she said it's sad and I can grieve for what I don't have with her anymore.

She went on about how I've done so much growing in therapy, and she's still here for me. But when she talked about that, I couldn't focus on it. I said I was trying, but the truth is I forgot what she said!! She said I'm changing, that she isn't. That I don't feel so connected because I am being there more for me, and I have so much going on in my life now. That's true, but it's very sad for me, to have to give up the unconditional love and caring I've gotten from T.

I don't have to cut down sessions, though the next time I see her is August 11, due to her vacation. So it's been 2 weeks and will be another 2 weeks plus a few days. I've been okay, but some of that is my extreme fatigue. I worry about my health, but I know I need more sleep. Otherwise I have to see the doctor again. I can't even concentrate on therapy!

I also miss the intensity I used to feel in my sessions. I could try to get it back but I don't think it would serve any purpose now. I feel blah about therapy. I've been in therapy over 25 years or more, so being on my own is a big change. Yet I still have T physically. She's not retiring or moving away. It's emotionally painful for me, because it's happening in spite of myself. Does this make sense? Parts of me want to grow up, but one part doesn't. I remember now that T said we're all like that; it would be nice to always have someone take care of us, but we need to grow up. Then I mentioned death and she thought it was a good topic for next session. Maybe I'll get my intensity back then!

[Elio]

Yes, there are times I miss the intensity. I found it interesting that your T said:

She said I'm changing, that she isn't.

and your statement of:

to have to give up the unconditional love and caring I've gotten from T

If she is not changing, then either you still have that unconditional love and caring or you never had it and just thought you did. Based on the things you've said about your T... you had it and you still have it. Maybe it just looks or feels different because you're looking at it differently?

[Amyjay]

I agree, you will still have the unconditional love and caring. It is unconditional. That means it doesn't end.