Dear T : I Need To Tell You Something, but Don't Know How... (Part XXVI)

Okay T, I’m pissed at you. Instead of giving me coping mechanisms you suggested “maybe he should go to school.” and you lost me there. I shouldn’t have to defend homeschooling especially to you. You wouldn’t say “maybe he shouldn’t go to public school” if he was there. So why is it okay to say it about homeschooling? Do you realize that would DRASTICALLY change our lifes. Friends he’s taken years to get to know would vanish. You said ”well maybe their not friend if they can’t come over” No they’re busy every day of the week. If it’s not them it’s their sibling that is busy. It shows that you only have a young child. When are they supposed to hang out? Weekends? You mean the day they have sports games and homework or the day they have church? Certainly it wouldn’t be on a weekday where all he has time for is homework. You even said that his schedule sounds equal to normal high schoolers. Nope normal high schoolers aren’t taking three college classes and pre calc at 15. So yes I worry he’s doing to much. Yes I don’t like the co-ops, but I have to deal. Even if he was in school he’d be in an ese class, He picks, he talks, he jumps up and down and can squeal in excitement all looked down upon in highschool. He’s able to model students and I’d rather that be a college student then a highschool student. If He picks, he talks, he jumps up and down and can squeal in excitement in college it’s looked at as a quark. Because classes are only 3 hours a week he’s more in control of himself.

Getting up at 6 am rushing him to the bus. Then I doing nothing until 3, Where he’s over loaded from the day. Then come home and do homework until around bed time, then to do chores on top of that is too much for any child forget the fact he has ASD and mood issues. He thrives from being homeschooled. Me not so much. I need help dealing with the paranoia of people talking about me. Your answer was just don’t go. Well that’s great now I’m essentially a shut in. Way to go. You say drop a co-op. It’s not that easy that’s dropping friends. Again kids he can’t see any other time.

It’s like you don’t realise how schooling affects the very lifestyle we live. And the dynamics of my family. I don’t know if I’m willing to see you anymore.

Thank you for the hug.
I love you

Cool dream about you last night t. I did a quick dream re-entry while I was washing my hair and took it a little further which showed me an interesting insight. I'm so glad you taught me this dream work stuff.

It sounds great that your T can help you to interpret your dreams. I wish my T would help me. I ask Thunderbow on this sight as he's awesome.

Dear Current T --

Ch. 83, Hunger has left me feeling a trifle undone -- parents responded like well, parents when they learnt of what had happened.

You said little but visibly shifted and curled your toes when I started to tell you -- that was more humanity on display than my family could ever muster it seems.

I'm not sure then how to deal with this anger I have towards you when it seems I also desperately want to latch on to this show of compassion and I'm too terrified to open any of the many messages from my family until your return.

- A Somewhat Chagrined AY

Dear M,

23 days down. 27 to go. The ocarina has been left with friends now. At least I have the painting. I don't like this at all. I don't think I am doing well. I am staying with friends and there is no place to cry. But I do have a home, I saw it today, I had to pick up some music I forgot, it's real and still there. And I imagine I'd be feeling way worse if I hadn't said what I said at our last session. Now you know all of it.

I love you though. See you in 60 hours.

I audio journal sometimes, and I was listening to my entry from right after you went on vacation. I was so desperate to be close to you and feel connected to you. Now, less than 2 months later, I kind of hate you and don't care about you at all.

But that's probably because I'm convinced you hate me. But I doubt I bring any of this up tomorrow. Because again, you don't care about me, so why waste my energy on a relationship that has no meaning outside of 10am every Saturday?

Maybe I'll ask if I said I wanted to quit if you'd try to convince me not to. Maybe I want to feel important and sought after. Even if it is only my $95 a week that you care about. I doubt you even care about that, though. You keep busy, you'd fill my slot, and you're dumping most of your clients in December anyway.

I hate every moment I think of you now. Hate it. I'm not sure it's because I'm hurt. Probably.

Thank you for letting me use the ladies room first, I know you needed it as well so thank you. Now I don't have to get my car detailed *hahahah*

C,

I really wish that I could afford to see you twice next week.

It was because of the words "dream work" in her psychologytoday.com profile that I found her - researching other names pdoc had given me - I stumbled upon her profile and the words dream work intrigued me so I called her. Totally hit the jackpot.

Dear New T,

I'm starting to wonder if I should continue therapy or not. I'm not really getting any insights and I've jumped in pretty hardcore. You don't pose questions to me, you go of on Freud/Jung tangents on occasion, and you don't provide me with healthy alternatives when I "act out" or why I do it. You actually kinda absolve me of the behavior that I don't want to engage in, but find myself stuck in the mire with.

Where art thou, good therapist?

hi t. my heart is heavy tonight. i learned just a little big ago that the pastor of my home church that married me and h 20 years ago, passed away this morning. i loved him so much. he always smiled so big when i'd visit and would push my hand aside when I tried to shake hands after church and would wrap me in a big bear hug instead. i haven't let myself cry yet. I'm so overwhelmed with emotion that I think I'm just numb. Once I do start to cry it might be awhile before I stop. The world lost a saint today.

Nicely said Miguel'smom. Stand your ground! I got lucky because my ex therapist was an unschooler, me not so much.

Kashi-
Your support tonight means the world to me. Your follow up email was like being tucked into bed for the night. I did not expect it but thank you!! My mom's health is crushing me.

Dear T,

I hope you're not angry at me. Please don't give up on me.

M.

I'm tired.

I'm angry.

I don't belong here.

I just want someone to love and value me.

I don't think it's gonna happen unless I'm brave and find my voice.

I'm numb.

Why are you harshly judging me and idealizing your other client?

That is amazing. I'm so glad that you have a T like Kashi.

I wish that I could find a T like Kashi.

You shouldn't have let me leave your office. I'm serious. This is what I meant when I said that you don't believe me.

are you ok daisy?

No. (8 characters)

I hope you are safe. Hang in there.

I hope you are safe. Can we help?

Please be safe Daisy. Would it help to post about what happened on here? Hugs...