[nyc artist]

Hi all! I just have a few questions that I would like some insight on please.

I read all these threads about people being so attached to their T, but I don't have those feelings AT ALL. I have only emailed him 4x in the 5 months of being with him and one of those was replying to his email to me. I also have only called him 3x in those months. And those were mostly to ask about scheduling.

I also don't "trust" him. I feel extremely comfortable with him, but I just wouldn't use the word trust. I have told him more about...everything...than both of my previous Ts combined, he's easy to talk to. And I can be myself around him, I'm not scared that he'll yell at me. He's safe. Just the "t" word seems so scary.

Anyway...what I'm wondering is...is there something wrong with me, or I am doing something wrong, by not being attached to him? Might I be able to trust him if I were attached? I've never been attached to anyone, my mother was abusive and neglectful and my husband...well...that's...a difficult situation. I've never had a proper/healthy relationship to base any of my relationships on. I know if I were to get attached to someone T C would be the safest to work on that with but I can't seem to "get there."

Advice? Comments? Thanks so much!

[atisketatasket]

No. I have seen (*starts counting on her fingers, realizes she needs to take her socks off to finish counting*) waaaay too many therapists and I would say I only attached to one of them. And as for trust, I don't think I ever fully trusted any of them.

Some people will tell you you need to attach to your therapist, but I don't think that is necessarily true. Also attachment is measured by emotions, not number of communications.

So, if you're comfortable with him, and he's easy for you to talk to, you're already doing it right. Don't ask for the moon when you have the stars.

[ruh roh]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It's working for you and you feel comfortable talking to him. I'd say that's great.

Originally Posted by nyc artist

Hi all! I just have a few questions that I would like some insight on please.

I read all these threads about people being so attached to their T, but I don't have those feelings AT ALL. I have only emailed him 4x in the 5 months of being with him and one of those was replying to his email to me. I also have only called him 3x in those months. And those were mostly to ask about scheduling.

I also don't "trust" him. I feel extremely comfortable with him, but I just wouldn't use the word trust. I have told him more about...everything...than both of my previous Ts combined, he's easy to talk to. And I can be myself around him, I'm not scared that he'll yell at me. He's safe. Just the "t" word seems so scary.

Anyway...what I'm wondering is...is there something wrong with me, or I am doing something wrong, by not being attached to him? Might I be able to trust him if I were attached? I've never been attached to anyone, my mother was abusive and neglectful and my husband...well...that's...a difficult situation. I've never had a proper/healthy relationship to base any of my relationships on. I know if I were to get attached to someone T C would be the safest to work on that with but I can't seem to "get there."

Advice? Comments? Thanks so much!

I didn't attach to my T for almost 2 years. As for trust, well I do now, in as much as I am able, which is not totally but more than anyone else I've ever known. Relationships take time & your T needs to prove to you that they are trustworthy! I tested my T loads of times & tried to make him feel uncomfortable. I wasn't aware at the time that's what I was doing, but now I understand that's exactly what I did. Could he manage me & all my baggage? Well luckily for me, he was able to 'ride the storm' & I think that was my turning point.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Don't try to rush things, just take your time. I never thought in a squillions years I'd feel like this towards another person!!

[zoiecat]

I feel the exact same way. I am not attached at all and never have been to anyone. I do trust my therapist though for the most part. I didn't at first. I didn't believe a word he said until I researched and proved him right on my own terms. I am glad I am not attached though. I hear all of the horror stories and struggles people have with it and I am grateful to not have that issue on top of everything else. Seeing as I will probably be seeing my T for years I am happy with non-attachment.

[Anastasia~]

From what you say, you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Trust can take a long time to build, but you will know it when you are trusting your T more.

[healinginprogress]

You've only been seeing your T for 5 months, and it sounds like you've had a pretty untrustworthy past... I wouldn't worry too much about attachment at this point. If you're comfortable with him and are able to tell him things honestly, you'll get where you need to be eventually. Attachment can be both a good thing and a bad thing, and I agree with the poster above, I don't think it's mandated for good therapy.

If what's working for you is working for you, keep on keeping on!

[Nammu]

You are not doing anything wrong. Intense attachment to Ts is a disorders, you may not have that issue.