[WrkNPrgress]

This is what my T said to me on our last session while talking about the fabulous place she was moving to. We had made the official connection on Facebook- a gesture she offered— so I could keep up - I think (Instead of doing Instagram which was my original idea because I thought it would be less personal.)

The tone had shifted. I was no longer a client but an acquaintance. I could see the joy she feeling just thinking about his new place in her life. It felt infectious. I told her how I envied the move and she said, "You can come visit!'"

I responded, "Oh ..don't say that - I just might ..." and I talked about some friends I had that lived in that area or might be moving there.

But then she said something which felt like she was tempering the statement. she said, "and if you move there, I could be your therapist... "

And I said, "Um, I don't know. Once you go Facebook friends we can't go back." I smiled but she seemed to kind of catch herself, "Oh yeah. I guess so..."

I can see in retrospect I was trying to figure out what this means. What is it? Does the Facebook connection and off-the-cuff 'invite' on the last session mean we're transitioning to a future friendship, acquaintance, or was she just being kind to a harmless over-attached client? I don't know if SHE knew in that moment.

I would like to believe she meant well and that she liked me as a person. I believe that she meant what she said, that we 'bonded' and yeah, if we'd met under different circumstances we'd have gotten along and I could have been one of the myriads of people in her life she banters with ...

But now I'm sitting here wondering, did she just give into a momentary lapse of boundary ...wooed by my goodbye letter and tears, if an effort to ease my pain, ... or did we actually 'connect'?

Facebook can be so weird. I can now see all her updates about her family and closest friends but will she ever really check on mine? Is that the one year thing? Can I delude myself into believing that a year from now she might "like" a photo of mine or comment on something I shared. Probably not. Hopefully by then it won't matter as much to me. I'll have moved on.

[Wonderfalls]

I think your reasoning is all of it right on the mark and that you've thought things through very well. I would say she may have over-extended her offer in her enthusiasm for her new situation, but I think she would certainly be happy to hear from you very occasionally. It's not as though you will leave her thoughts entirely. She obviously cares about you.

[satsuma]

I think you were exactly right - once you are friends, you couldn't go back to doing therapy. (It would be worrying to me that she hadn't thought of that.)
I think you should really look out for yourself here - and be Facebook friends if it's nice and you can handle it, but not if it's going to be too painful for you.

[unaluna]

I could see my t saying the same kinda stuff, then kinda drawing back, like realizing he overstepped, that he is responsible for holding the boundary FOREVAH! Because our safety should always be the number one priority, no matter how lovable we are.

[Out There]

We see the fallout from T's not holding boundaries FOREVAH quite a lot.....