[SoConfused623]

Just wanted to give some encouragement to those of you who are feeling stuck in your therapy relationship or who think that you can't possibly switch Ts.

Here is a little of my background: I saw a T for 2.5 years who was a blank slate T and who most of the time wouldn't even answer the simplest of questions. That drove me absolutely crazy and I'd search online for info about her and basically became obsessed with finding out things about her. I ended up telling her that she had driven me to search for info online and since she isn't the most web savvy person, there was a lot of info on Facebook that was public. She was horrified when I told her and the whole relationship went downhill from there. We had a bunch of ruptures after that and could never recover.

On the other hand, I felt very comfortable with her and shared some things that were very personal and very hard for me to share. Because of this, I felt super connected to her and did not want to find another T even though we weren't getting along. I just didn't think that I could ever get over her or manage my life without her in it.

I looked online and luckily I live in a metro area where there are a TON of choices for Ts. I found a woman my age who specializes in relationships, and about how to lead a fulfilling and balanced life. There are the 2 areas that I really need to work on.

This new T is not a blank slate but we don't spend time chit-chatting about her at all. If I have a question about her that I really want to know in terms of where she's going on vacation or something simple like that, I simply ask and she responds in full without just a one word curt answer.

She is not just a Social worker but a Psychologist with a PHD and she has amazing insights! She is much better than blank slate T! I'm also allowed to email her in-between sessions and she always responds with care and insight. This was a big hole in my last therapy with blank slate T as there was no out of session contact allowed and she wouldn't even give me her email address. There were so many times that I would dwell on what just happened in session and not be able to clarify for 2 weeks until I saw her.
Now if something bothers me, I can get a response by the day's end and I don't have to spend 2 weeks ruminating about whatever is bothering me. It was so bad that my business really suffered and I couldn't focus on anything but my therapist and our therapeutic relationship. Just to clarify, I'm allowed to email new T whenever I want but I do NOT abuse it! I probably email her 1-2x/month.

I NEVER thought that I would be able to survive without blank slate T as I really liked her but not how she worked. This new T is fabulous and I'm a million times happier! I think that she is perfect for me!

Just wanted to share my experience because there really is hope after a T that you don't think that you can live without. It really worked out for me and I wish you all who are struggling in similar situations courage to look for a better T and best of luck!

[ElectricManatee]

I'm so glad the new T is working out so well for you! It's amazing what finding a good "fit" can do.

[satsuma]

I'm so glad for you! And well done for having the courage to try new T and leave the old one. I can see from reading stories here that having the right T, and having a very skilled and knowledgeable T as well, makes all the difference in the world to what we experience and whether it works. I'm fortunate too in having an excellent T who is a very good fit for me.

[growlycat]

Thank you for sharing this! It has been true for me too. Even after having to give up my best therapist, others have worked out well too.

[Cleo6]

Thank you for this. I'm trying to break away from my therapist as I've been told by my work counsellor how unethical she is. It's so hard but it's good to read positive stories

[Anastasia~]

I'm so happy that you found a T who is a good fit. I was with my previous T for more than a couple of years and it didn't end well. My current T is a good fit and has helped me more than he will ever know.

[Out There]

I'm very pleased for you and thanks for sharing with us ! It does need to be a good fit and it takes courage to leave and try another. But , hey , sometimes the grass IS greener on the other side of the fence !

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm happy for you! Unfortunately, I was forced to leave ex-T, but it turned out for the best. If I didn't leave ex-T, I would have never found my current T. I'm doing so much better now. My T is a blank slate T, but I've learned to be okay with it. There are a lot more important things than knowing information about my T.

[nottrustin]

I am so glad you found a T that is a better fit. I know how much you struggled with leaving ex T. Sounds like it all worked out for the best.

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm happy for you! Unfortunately, I was forced to leave ex-T, but it turned out for the best. If I didn't leave ex-T, I would have never found my current T. I'm doing so much better now. My T is a blank slate T, but I've learned to be okay with it. There are a lot more important things than knowing information about my T.

I agree that there are a lot more important things than knowing about my T.. But for me it was the fact that blank slate T was unwilling to tell me anything and I was telling her everything that made me so crazy! I don't know very much about my new T, but I know that if I wanted to know something she would tell me and that makes all the difference in the world to me.

I'm happy for you that your new T is a better fit for you!

[cnyung10]

good for you. I have seen 3 different T's for different reasons and only one because of no effort to interact and make me feel valued. Just a side note my last T had been through some depression also so he was excellent at helping change my perspective on anger issues that I also had. Due to his request I still occasionally call him and give an update as well as asking about him