[MrsDuckL]

Hi everyone,

Hoping you can help and provide insight. As I've shared on here before, I'm new to therapy, I just had weekly session #8 with my therapist. He's wonderful and we had an especially meaningful session last week where I was finally able to trust enough to share some detailed painful memories from my abusive childhood. I'm super hesitant to trust people in general, and a recent bad experience where my previous therapist dumped all his clients makes me especially slow to trust.

Anyhow, Ive never asked my therapist for how long (number of sessions) we would be meeting, months, weeks, etc. Not sure if this is even a question to be asking, if therapists would even know? Honestly, I haven't asked because I get afraid I would be limited to a certain number of sessions--part of me fears that he only looks to work with people for a short period of time, like a couple of months or something and then I'm done. I know logically this probably isn't true--therapist did talk a couple of sessions ago how his approach is slow, to let things unfold organically and give people time and space to tell those stories on their own. (I'm totally onboard with this approach.)

I also learned recently through a radio interview that my therapist is expecting baby #2. I haven't brought it up, but I've was at least ask if he was going to be taking anymore time off this year. But I'm partially afraid to ask because I fear (probably illogically) that the hypothetical response would be like "yes, I'm taking a few weeks off 3-4 months from now, but we'll probably be done by then."

I also just panicked when I ran across my therapist's psychology today profile and it was changed just last week to say not accepting new clients. Would this just be because his schedule is full? Does that happen, therapists just reach the limit of number of clients they want to treat? Being dumped by my previous therapist it made me worried. What if he's wrapping up all his clients and I'm on some short term plan?

Honestly, I don't *want* to be in therapy for years and years--several months or something would probably be sufficient for me. I do use insurance, but I've already verified my insurance does not have a limit on number of sessions whatsoever. I guess I want to know that I can continue to meet for as long as I need, that I'm in control of when I terminate things.

Anyhow, I know I need to bring up these concerns in my next session--I know part of me learning to trust my therapist is knowing he's going to be there for me as long as I need. But part of me is afraid to ask--what if he doesn't think I need that much help?

Did you ever ask your therapist how long a treatment plan would be? And in an ideal situation, do the clients get to be the ones to bring up termination? Can you continue to meet as long as needed?

Any thoughts are much appreciated, thank you!

[skeksi]

I understand your fears so well and am glad you want to address it with your T soon. I do not think any of your questions are inappropriate and having them answered will give you both peace of mind and a better sense of where you stand. Be as honest as you can with your T!

My T has said that barring unforeseen circumstances, I will be the one to conclude our treatment (and we've gone on for many years so this has been true to his word). I think this is a very common approach, though some T's may set limits and I've heard of that here on PC.

It is also very common for T's to explain that if they feel unable to help you, they will conclude treatment and refer you elsewhere--but I think it is also not uncommon for T's to let clients decide whether they feel the treatment is being helpful.

[feileacan]

In my opinion the therapist has no way to know in advance how long a person needs to be in therapy and thus he just couldn't offer this information. Hoever, some/many therapists have a very different view, providing counseling in the form of teaching skills and you can imagine that you could teach a set of skills with say 8-16 hours. I wouldn't call that therapy though.

My own therapy is long term and open ended. I've been in therapy for 4 years. I have no idea how long it will still take. I don't expect to finish any time soon.

You get your answers when you talk to your T about all your concerns. Hopefully his answers will put your mind at rest. If not then at least you know that you might need to start looking for a new therapist.

[Salmon77]

I think your T would have mentioned at your first appointment if there were any kind of time limit or expectation. What kind of therapy does he do? There are shorter-term therapies like CBT but if it's some variation of psychotherapy it's probably open-ended, and up to you how long you feel like it's useful to you.

"Not accepting new clients" might mean his schedule is full, might mean he's trying to scale back his client hours for some reason (possibly the baby), or any number of things.

I would talk to your T and see what he says.

[MrsDuckL]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I think your T would have mentioned at your first appointment if there were any kind of time limit or expectation. What kind of therapy does he do? There are shorter-term therapies like CBT but if it's some variation of psychotherapy it's probably open-ended, and up to you how long you feel like it's useful to you.

"Not accepting new clients" might mean his schedule is full, might mean he's trying to scale back his client hours for some reason (possibly the baby), or any number of things.

I would talk to your T and see what he says.

Thank you! I think he does use some CBT, but seems to be more emotionally focused and mindfulness based, with a person centered approach (I take the lead in discussions). You make a good point that he probably would have brought up a limit upfront if it existed, especially since he does ongoing research with ethics.

[ElectricManatee]

You should definitely ask if you want to know or are feeling worried about it. My T's Psychology Today profile will switch back and forth every few months as to whether she has space for new clients. It doesn't affect my therapy or her availability to me one way or the other. Actually I think it could be a good sign if he is recognizing that he may not want to take on additional clients right now while also balancing the responsibility of a new baby. This way he will maintain the necessary space/time for his current clients without overextending himself.

My therapy is pretty open-ended right now, and I'm happy with that. I will know when I'm ready to strike out on my own again because I have been there before. Last time my T and I mutually knew when I was ready. You might also ask whether your T will let you come back again after you are "done." That might calm your nerves a bit, to know if his door will be open even after you decide you are ready to go.

[Anastasia~]

Mrs. Duck-
I hear that you are afraid that your T might tell you that you don't need that much help, which tells me that you might be afraid of him invalidating how you feel, which is a normal fear in therapy. It sounds like maybe you are afraid he won't take your pain seriously.

I would start off by telling him about how your previous T terminated you and how it made you feel. Tell him that, although you are afraid of what his answer might be, that you need to know if you will be in charge of how long your therapy is and that you would like to know if he has any vacations planned. You might want to write down what you want to say and either read it to him or give it to him. Good Luck! Let us know how it goes if you feel like it. Take care.