[TrailRunner14]

There are so many post about people hating there therapist or having no connection with them.

Distain for them and insulting who they are and generally ripping them apart.

Why?

I don't understand.

I feel very simplistic right now and little.

Please don't come back with bad things.

[atisketatasket]

Keep in mind that often people use the forums to vent. And that they are the ones who deal with their therapist and know them, not us.

If someone wants to criticize their therapist, I am fine with that. If someone wants to sing hosannas to them, I am fine with that, too.

[stopdog]

Not everyone has good experiences with therapy or therapists. If someone does have a good experience, it is fine with me. But bad experiences are information and those posters need support also.

No therapists are harmed by anyone venting here.
Why does how any one poster feels about a therapist/therapy bother any other poster?

Some people are in alot of pain.

My therapist did something that really hurt me today, preceeded by last week. And a couple weeks before that.

I'm angry with him and very hurt, but am not writing it here as I am in not in a good place and don't want to be blamed or judged.

Trail, other people's anger towards their therapist doesn't threaten the connection and bond you have with yours.

I like my therapist. She isn't perfect and we've had ruptures, and she sees someone I know, but she's been non-defensive when I've talked about those ruptures.

She's taught me tools to lower the levels of my chronic anxiety. We're working on the underlying issues fuelling my anxiety such as adverse life experiences and dysfunctional family dynamics as I was growing up.

We're working on how I've a great deal of anger directed at her - transference, she says. She believes I'm actually angry with my parents and sister and older brother who hurt me deeply.

I tend to post when I feel negative about therapy, and I don't post when things are going well because I feel content. Also I and an acquaintance who is very active online have the same therapist so I find I post about my therapy less and less.

[TrailRunner14]

[QUOTE=stopdog;5772906
Why does how any one poster feels about a therapist/therapy bother any other poster?[/QUOTE]

It doesn't bother me.

I confuses me.

I've never had someone that I could talk to about how I feel and it be accepted without judgement or questions.

My mind just went that way.

I was curious and cautious why there are so many comments of how other people/posters really distain their therapist/counselor.

I was just curious.

[stopdog]

"I've never had someone that I could talk to about how I feel and it be accepted without judgement or questions."

Not everyone experiences this with therapy or a therapist.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by stopdog

"I've never had someone that I could talk to about how I feel and it be accepted without judgement or questions."

Not everyone experiences this with therapy or a therapist.

Forgive me please. I meant no judgement.

[stopdog]

I was explaining what I see as the difference. Nothing to forgive you for.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Trail, other people's anger towards their therapist doesn't threaten the connection and bond you have with yours.

This.

And - there are bad therapists just like there are bad mothers and bad fathers and bad spouses and bad doctors. Those therapists deserve disdain if that is what the client feels. If someone had abusive parents and an unhappy childhood, we would understand if they vented and criticized and disdained them. Likewise with therapists.

And - some people would say that working out problems with a therapist is part of the process. Negative feelings surface and get expressed during such a process.

If you are lucky enough to have found a therapist that really helps you, count your blessings. Because not everyone is that lucky.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

This.


And - there are bad therapists just like there are bad mothers and bad fathers and bad spouses and bad doctors. Those therapists deserve disdain if that is what the client feels. If someone had abusive parents and an unhappy childhood, we would understand if they vented and criticized and disdained them. Likewise with therapists.


And - some people would say that working out problems with a therapist is part of the process. Negative feelings surface and get expressed during such a process.


If you are lucky enough to have found a therapist that really helps you, count your blessings. Because not everyone is that lucky.

May I ask why stay with those and people?

Is there not a choice to find a person who cares and demonstrates it?

Again. This is an honest question.

[Argonautomobile]

There've been a lot of good answers already, but I would like to add that some people just aren't demonstrative generally. I'm not. I know that doesn't really answer your question re: disdain, but I think it's worth bearing in mind that people have different attachment styles and habits, and so their baseline level of connection to the therapist will look different.

Another thing worth bearing in mind is that the therapist is (for some) a fairly safe person to hate.For those unaccustomed to allowing themselves to feel negative emotions, the therapist makes a convenient and safe target.

Sometimes therapists absolutely deserve the hate clients feel toward them, and the clients stay for any number of reasons.

This is a fine question to ask, I think. I don't always understand what I read here, either. I'm glad you're seeking to understand rather than jumping right to offense.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

May I ask why stay with those and people?

Is there not a choice to find a person who cares and demonstrates it?

Again. This is an honest question.

I don't think it is always very simple to find a person who cares and demonstrates it. Certainly it doesn't always feel that way. I imagine people stay with crappy (or abusive) t's for the same reasons they stay with crappy spouses and friends and grocery stories - a fear of change, not feeling worthy, objective lack of options, convenience, disillusionment, etc.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

There've been a lot of good answers already, but I would like to add that some people just aren't demonstrative generally. I'm not. I know that doesn't really answer your question re: disdain, but I think it's worth bearing in mind that people have different attachment styles and habits, and so their baseline level of connection to the therapist will look different.

Another thing worth bearing in mind is that the therapist is (for some) a fairly safe person to hate.For those unaccustomed to allowing themselves to feel negative emotions, the therapist makes a convenient and safe target.

Sometimes therapists absolutely deserve the hate clients feel toward them, and the clients stay for any number of reasons.

This is a fine question to ask, I think. I don't always understand what I read here, either. I'm glad you're seeking to understand rather than jumping right to offense.

Thank you!

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

May I ask why stay with those and people?

Is there not a choice to find a person who cares and demonstrates it?

Again. This is an honest question.

There is not always a choice. In fact, life is often about having one "choice" or having limited bad choices.

Sometimes they're your only choice depending where you live. Some people have transportation issues. Some have money issues. Some need someone who takes their insurance. Some are powerfully attached. Some fear change. Some remember when the relationship was good and hope those times return. I mean, why does an abused wife stay with her abusive husband? Would we criticize her?

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

There is not always a choice. In fact, life is often about having one "choice" or having limited bad choices.

Sometimes they're your only choice depending where you live. Some people have transportation issues. Some have money issues. Some need soneone who takes their insurance. Some are powerfully attached. Some fear change. Some remember when the relationship was good and hope those times return. I mean, why does an abused wife stay with her abusive husband? Would we criticize her?

No. I would not criticize her.

[TrailRunner14]

Thank you for your replies.

I have never known a safe place and I find it in my time with my counselor.

I guess it has been a question for a while why some people speak about their therapist/counselor with such anger and mistrust.

This place I'm in right now, there are questions of why.

I hope that makes sense.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I don't think it is always very simple to find a person who cares and demonstrates it. Certainly it doesn't always feel that way. I imagine people stay with crappy (or abusive) t's for the same reasons they stay with crappy spouses and friends and grocery stories - a fear of change, not feeling worthy, objective lack of options, convenience, disillusionment, etc.

You are right!

I'm sad for the people who have to work with people who don't honor and respect them.

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Thank you for your replies.

I have never known a safe place and I find it in my time with my counselor.

I guess it has been a question for a while why some people speak about their therapist/counselor with such anger and mistrust.

This place I'm in right now, there are questions of why.

I hope that makes sense.

I'm glad you feel so safe with your counsellor. He sounds wonderful.

I feel very safe with my T but also very mistrustful. Yet safe enough to tell her I mistrust (I hope I make sense). Like you, T is a place where I feel safe and accepted too. Yet I still mistrust and yet I do displace anger I can't express against my parents towards her instead.

[Amyjay]

I think some people have been very very hurt by therapists that either deliberately harmed them or caused harm because of lack of knowledge, skill, ability or something else. I haven't personally experienced a therapist who caused me harm but I can imagine the harm caused by bad therapy would be extremely damaging.

[missbella]

I originally "respected" my therapists because of the professional "authority" their credentials indicated. I ascribed certain qualities to them. They played shamanic roles with me, affecting wisdom they really didn't have, counterfeiting an omniscience they of course never possessed.

Like someone pulled into a cult, I was fooled for a while. The traumatic bonding was like leaving a cult, separating from someone who was supposed to help me but who never helped me. Now in my reflections, and reading I can see why therapy was so harmful for me. I wish I'd never gone.

[DP_2017]

Some people could be internet trolls, some may just be frustrated or venting

I personally agree though, I would never hate someone who is actually trying to help me better my life and if I did not like them or feel a connection, I'd find someone else

[missbella]

The traumatic bonding subject is very complex. Why do people stay with abusive partners? Why do people have such a difficult time leaving cults? Why are employees loyal to a boss who's proven felonious or abusive? Why are people loyal to a cause or person when faced with overwhelming evidence against it?

The quote of unknown origin certainly applies: "Its easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled."

My emotional uncoupling with my scamming therapists has been very painful.

[Anastasia~]

I had a previous therapist who was judgmental and couldn't accept me for who I am. I was attached to him and couldn't leave. Now I have a consistently kind and caring T and it makes a huge difference. Good question. I glad that you have a good T!

[missbella]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Some people could be internet trolls, some may just be frustrated or venting

I personally agree though, I would never hate someone who is actually trying to help me better my life and if I did not like them or feel a connection, I'd find someone else

When you listen to abused spouses or cult members, they often confuse what clearly is abject abuse with safety, bonding and love. Unfortunately this happens in therapy too. "For your own good." Toxic interactions are diametrically mislabeled and it's highly disorientating. It's also difficult to jettison lifelong conditioning to comply with an authority figure.

I've met several people in person and over the internet who got caught in harmful therapeutic relationships and had to go through a difficult sorting out and unraveling to separate from it. I think all of them intelligent to brilliant.

I congratulate anyone astute enough to avoid all deceitful relationships. Their lives clearly are far smoother than mine.