[Lola5]

I'm in my 30s and I constantly express fears to my T that I will never marry and have kids because I've never had a boyfriend and don't get asked on dates. I feel undesirable. It comes up in every session. I legitimately lose sleep over this.

For a while, my T has been suggesting online dating. He felt that if I was getting asked on dates, I'd feel better about myself. Finally, two months ago we sat down during a session and made me a profile, wrote up answers to the questions and chose my photos. I showed the profile to a few friends just to get more opinions on it.

Here's the kicker: 8 weeks and I have not gotten a single message. I get notified about visits to my profile, but no guy ever writes. At one session, my T suggested I write to the ones I like. Did that and most read my message, a few visited my profile and no one replied.

Every week I hear from my T to "give it time" and "at least you know you tried." I wait and rework my profile and change my photos...and get nothing. Per my T's suggestions, I tried another site. Nothing. Needless to say, I'm way more devastated now. Previously, I held out hope that if I tried online dating that I would find someone or get some attention. That hope is gone and my depression and anxiety are unbearable.

P.S. other women (who I know personally and those whose stories I read online) who have used these sites say how they are overwhelmed by the number of messages they receive. But not me.

Perhaps it would help if you posted the pictures you use on your dating profile, and what you wrote about yourself. Maybe we can provide feedback and that could he helpful?

[stopdog]

I would not post my picture or online dating stuff openly here. If it was me, and I wanted feedback from posters on this public forum, I would only do it by pm.

[atisketatasket]

I think your therapist is approaching this the wrong way around. The better you feel about yourself with absolutely no regard for other people, the happier you are in your own skin, the more you appeal to others as a potential friend or mate. At least this is true for me.

It seems like he's trying to treat a symptom and not the cause. Like say you have allergies - he's giving you tissues to blow your nose, not giving you allergy shots so eventually you'll build up immunity and your nose won't run.

One other thought: how old is he? Is he still dating? What are his personal circumstances? You set up your profile with heavy input from him. It's entirely possible he steered you unconsciously towards what he would find attractive, which may not be what others find attractive. If you want to keep trying this, ditch everything you guys did together and make it all from you.

[DP_2017]

I'm like you, age wise and inexperience wise, for me though, even though I'd love to experience a date... I am afraid of being touched. I can't handle the thought of it. So I refuse to even try dating

Maybe try a few other sites? Or have you heard of meet up.com? (no space) its a site you can find local people who have things in common and you do group meet ups, like to movies etc every few weeks or months.

[Lola5]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Perhaps it would help if you posted the pictures you use on your dating profile, and what you wrote about yourself. Maybe we can provide feedback and that could he helpful?

I really appreciate it! I'm just not comfortable posting that on here and connecting my account here with my RL.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

One other thought: how old is he? Is he still dating? What are his personal circumstances? You set up your profile with heavy input from him. It's entirely possible he steered you unconsciously towards what he would find attractive, which may not be what others find attractive. If you want to keep trying this, ditch everything you guys did together and make it all from you.

He's in his 40s. He met his wife in college and married her right after. One of the lucky ones.

I've made many changes to my profile since creating it and I've gotten input from friends. I did originally worry it was tailored to what he thought would work so I asked others.

[missbella]

I succeeded in only a few online dates. (I'm away from a city and older, but still.) That said, , the most sensible-seeming advice is to express yourself and what's unique to you rather than trying to second guess what anyone else might want. Likewise good photos are fun and show something about you. It's good to avoid negatives in profiles -- list of don'ts and dislikes.

There's a lot of online advice dating profiles.