[musinglizzy]

Something along the lines of "I've seen people with worse lives than you."

How would you feel? Of course someone is always worse off than me...I totally get that. But seems heartless for a T to say that to a client.

[Maven]

Just because someone's worse doesn't mean you're not going through hell. Your T is supposed to focus on your issues, not other people's.

[Anastasia~]

I would feel invalidated, as if the therapist was trying to tell me to get over myself, that it's not that bad, etc, to stop complaining. This response would make my emotional difficulties worse. Not a good thing for a therapist to say. I"m sorry she said that to you.

I'd be ticked. That is what my 80 year old parents still use to invalidate my life. I went to a therapist to help me validate my life.

[atisketatasket]

Not only would I be mad, I'd probably respond, "I've seen better therapists than you."

[musinglizzy]

Thank you....believe me, sometimes I feel guilty for feeling badly, because I know some people have it worse. But our experience is our own experience, and I feel like a therapist is supposed to help us feel BETTER, not worse. It feels to me like my therapist was just having a bad day on Monday, as she said some things that just don't make sense. But bad day or not, I don't want it to affect my therapy. Lately I've been going in and just crying. She always said that was ok....there was a time where I couldn't cry at all. But now all of a sudden it's bad because I'm not talking enough. So it was because of my crying in a puddle during my sessions that she said that. I'm just devastated. There were other things said, like I said, during this session that just didn't make any sense. But to share other things, you'd have to really know me as a person. This was something I could share that was a general statement that others could identify with. She was just heartless on Monday, and it really broke my heart.

[Lemoncake]

It would irritate me. Pain is relative, but at the end of the day there it is. You deserve a better therapist who would be to support you properly not compare you to others. It's honestly not your fault. And it shouldn't matter if you were crying uncontrollably or not.

[Anastasia~]

I understand feeling guilty as there are others worse, but I have been taught to treat my emotions compassionately, and to validate them. I hope you do the same. I hope you are able to tell her about how she hurt your feelings last sessions. Take care.

[captgut]

It was inappropriate thing to say...What does "worse" mean? Of corse there are people with "worse" lives - ex. less money, less friends etc, but it doesn't mean you feel better.
And even if you feel better, it doesn't make your feeling less important.

I've discussed this topic with my T. I said something like: "You can't start feeling better by knowing that someone's life is "worse". For example, you don't say that you have client with worse lives". And he answered "Of course I'd never say that!"

[musinglizzy]

Thanks. I would like to address this with her...but wanted to reassurance that I wasn't just being "oversensitive"....this seemed inappropriate to me.

[GoodVibrations101]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Something along the lines of "I've seen people with worse lives than you."

How would you feel? Of course someone is always worse off than me...I totally get that. But seems heartless for a T to say that to a client.

Several of my therapists made comments like this to me.

When I was younger, I complained about my parents not understanding or relating emotionally to me. My therapist pointed out that unless my parents were abusive physically or verbally then they were likely in the "good enough" and average categories, so I shouldn't see myself as somehow uniquely victimized. She wanted me to put my average parenting problems into perspective. I think most younger people today are seen as whiners who cannot hack difficulties, so she wasn't going to encourage my whining for no good reason. Even though it hurt my feelings at the time, I think she has a point that most people today give parents the benefit of the doubt unless the parents were genuinely abusive in a physical, verbal or emotional manner.

[GoodVibrations101]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thanks. I would like to address this with her...but wanted to reassurance that I wasn't just being "oversensitive"....this seemed inappropriate to me.

I think some of my therapists would call this being oversensitive, and some of my friends would also take the side of the therapist. My therapists have mostly been realists who gave a lot of reality checks to my more idealistic and sensitive young mindset.

[hopealwayz]

That would make me sad if my T said that to me. It would make my feelings feel invalidated.

[musinglizzy]

I am extremely bothered by her comment. Ripped my heart out.

[Ellahmae]

It would've ripped my heart out too

[bounceback]

It would piss me off. How dare she compare your pain to someone else's. I consider that very invalidating. I hope you tell her how that made you feel. Sorry she said this to you.

[musinglizzy]

I think I plan on leaving her tomorrow. She is just too unstable. As if I'm not unstable enough.....

[Maven]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Not only would I be mad, I'd probably respond, "I've seen better therapists than you."

Good one!

[musinglizzy]

I see my T tomorrow.... I'm still unsure what to say or where to take this session. Part of me feels like I just want to give up. She doesn't understand me obviously. and her comment minimizes my own experience, which makes me feel like crap

[Daisy Dead Petals]

This sounds like a total failure of empathy of your T's part, especially if you come from a background of chronic invalidation. I'm sorry.

[Anastasia~]

MusingLizzy,
I am so, so sorry you have to go through this. The last thing you need is to have to struggle with therapy. I realize therapy is a struggle at times, but it really sounds like you need your therapist to be there for you and I would not be okay with what she said either. If this is a pattern, I hope you can look for other Ts who are supportive and who don't minimize your pain. I'd kind of be curious to see what she says if you asked her, what did you mean by you've seen worse people? How does that relate to me? If this is the way she does business, I can only imagine that she has seen worse people. Sorry, this didn't go over well with me, either. I hope you get the support, validation, and kindness that you so deserve. Please keep us informed if you feel like it. Best of luck.

[musinglizzy]

Thank you. I had a very sleepless night, as I see her this afternoon. I am hoping I have the nerve to tell her all of this. She's pretty defensive, so that's a problem too. I've been seeing her over three years now.... and I will NOT look for another therapist, as I think my life was actually better BEFORE therapy. I'm hopeful to heal my wounds and move on.

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thank you. I had a very sleepless night, as I see her this afternoon. I am hoping I have the nerve to tell her all of this. She's pretty defensive, so that's a problem too. I've been seeing her over three years now.... and I will NOT look for another therapist, as I think my life was actually better BEFORE therapy. I'm hopeful to heal my wounds and move on.

How did it go?