[Smooches]

A family member has finally decided to stop being the victim of narcissistic abuse after many, long years. The abuser, his wife, is also a therapist, and master manipulator. The whole family has been a victim by default, so we want to put her in our past. My family member is at the early stages of realization and acceptance of his abuse, thus, still a shell of a man. How can we help him through this, and what can we do to ensure success in the divorce and custody of the 3 young children? His wife has already started the classic smear campaign, and we all fear she'll manipulate the judge, he'll lose custody, and the kids will become bigger victims.

Thank you in advance for any help!

[AllHeart]

This woman has done wonders for helping me work through my narc abuse--

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/

A lot of excellent resources on her site to sift through. I know she even has a section on divorce and custody also.

I wish you all well. It's a crazy phenomenon to have to deal with narc abuse.

[Anastasia~]

There are lots of articles on narcissists around psychcentral, most of them in the news section and other sections.

It's very hard to win against a narcissist, especially if she is a t. She will know all of the manipulation tactics and smear campaigns. It will be hard for him to ever trust a new t too after being narcissticly abused by his therapist wife. All anybody can do is support him and listen. It will be hard to stay strong in this situation but if he could get the children away from her before she Starts her smear campaign on them. Just remember once you take a narcissists mask off they will do anything to destroy you.

[Crispycroll]

My philosophy with narcissists is to fight fire with fire. Everyone will lose in the end but I'll be darned if I'm going to just sit there and "take it" while someone tries to take my family from me. They may win but it will not be without a helluva fight. The kids will eventually realize who is fighting for them and who the real bully (manipulator) is. Hang in there and good luck. Hope someone else here can offer better advice.

[Crispycroll]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/

I wish you all well. It's a crazy phenomenon to have to deal with narc abuse.

Thank you for this link AllHeart. Another interesting concept is "Flying Monkeys". I knew they were surrounding me and were being used by the narcissist but I did not know there was actually a name for them. This is despicable to do to another person let alone someone who is vulnerable.

[Ididitmyway]

The best you can do for him is to give him all the emotional support you can give to help him keep his emotional balance. The first step to successfully fight a narcissist is to detach from them emotionally, but that's easier said than done as they will never stop manipulating your emotions. It is especially difficult if you are stuck with them in the same home. That's why the victim needs a lot of support from the outside: friends, family, support group..whatever he can find, as he'll need a lot of emotional strength to get through the custody battle. Also, help him find all the legal resources and information he can use. Good luck. This is a tough place to be in.

[childofchaos831]

Another resource us the Reddit community. r/raisedbynarcissists is where I frequent, but if you look on the side panel, there are other subs as well, and I am sure I've seen one for partners that coiuld help with divorce and custody issues from personal experience.

[satsuma]

Something that can be helpful is to record things. I personally found it helpful at one time when I was told "No, you are a liar/you are very disturbed, XYZ never happened". I actually had a recording of it happening, and that silenced the abuser on that occasion.

I'm afraid I have no idea of how that would play out in court though. Hopefully a lawyer could give better advice.

I agree with the poster who said that giving emotional support is the most helpful thing you can do - and also in the end of the day, all you can really do - but a very helpful thing.