[beckam2000]

Hello all member!

knowing the therapist is gone
I hate when my therapist tells me she's going out of town. I'm fine week to week/ between sessions. But whenever she tells me she's going out of town that weekend, it triggers all these panic feelings.

I haven't told her about this, it's too embarrassing to admit, but I have asked her not to share with me about the weekend trips (It doesn't affect my therapy schedule. she goes out of town a lot, due to sports and out of town family), she's re-framed from sharing a lot.. but slipped up this week about this weekend. So cue all this anxiety and obsessive thoughts.

I become so obsessive in my thoughts, on where she's at, what she and her family are doing, how much fun they are having, when will they be back home, etc. It takes everything out of me, just to try and focus on other things, besides her and her vacation...

Has anyone ever experienced this? How can I better cope? And what could be causing it? Especially, session to session I'm fine; it's just when I know she's out of town.
Thank'a s lot!

[feileacan]

I'm wondering how does this topic of her going out of town even come up? In my therapy I don't think there has been ever a moment where it would be logical in terms of narrative for my therapist to start talking what he is going to do on weekend. It could only come up when I explicitly ask or if his activities affect my schedule.

Originally Posted by beckam2000

Hello all member!

knowing the therapist is gone
I hate when my therapist tells me she's going out of town. I'm fine week to week/ between sessions. But whenever she tells me she's going out of town that weekend, it triggers all these panic feelings.

I haven't told her about this, it's too embarrassing to admit, but I have asked her not to share with me about the weekend trips (It doesn't affect my therapy schedule. she goes out of town a lot, due to sports and out of town family), she's re-framed from sharing a lot.. but slipped up this week about this weekend. So cue all this anxiety and obsessive thoughts.

I become so obsessive in my thoughts, on where she's at, what she and her family are doing, how much fun they are having, when will they be back home, etc. It takes everything out of me, just to try and focus on other things, besides her and her vacation...

Has anyone ever experienced this? How can I better cope? And what could be causing it? Especially, session to session I'm fine; it's just when I know she's out of town.
Thank'a s lot!

I never know if my T is home or away on his weekends, but when he goes on holiday, I have those feelings of abandonment. I worry that he will be hurt/killed & is so far away from me. It's my 'inner child'. It triggers her. There's no stopping it, but distraction helps. I try to find lots of things to do to keep me busy & I journal which I find helpful. You do need to talk about your transference with your T. Get it out in the open will help too.

[chris12]

Originally Posted by JoBo

I never know if my T is home or away on his weekends, but when he goes on holiday, I have those feelings of abandonment. I worry that he will be hurt/killed & is so far away from me. It's my 'inner child'. It triggers her. There's no stopping it, but distraction helps. I try to find lots of things to do to keep me busy & I journal which I find helpful. You do need to talk about your transference with your T. Get it out in the open will help too.

I agree that it is time to seriously tackle your problem with this obsession. We all have control of our thoughts and we can actively take steps to move on from these thoughts deliberately and actively.

I certainly never knew when my therapist was away or otherwise. I kept my thoughts strictly under wraps about therapy and I also had to keep my schedule strictly to fit in with my other life priorities.

Best wishes
Chris

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by feileacan

I'm wondering how does this topic of her going out of town even come up? In my therapy I don't think there has been ever a moment where it would be logical in terms of narrative for my therapist to start talking what he is going to do on weekend. It could only come up when I explicitly ask or if his activities affect my schedule.

When I've been in crisis or had something important coming up, he's told me that he will be out of town, whether he will have cell reception or will be reading email. He's done the same if he's going to miss a day I normally have a session.

[feileacan]

Originally Posted by chris12

I agree that it is time to seriously tackle your problem with this obsession. We all have control of our thoughts and we can actively take steps to move on from these thoughts deliberately and actively.

I certainly never knew when my therapist was away or otherwise. I kept my thoughts strictly under wraps about therapy and I also had to keep my schedule strictly to fit in with my other life priorities.

Best wishes
Chris

Why would you want to remove those thoughts when these thoughts most probably cover important feelings that are kept at bay? I agree that those thoughts themselves do no good and only cause suffering but the key is to get to the underlying feelings and trying to forcefully control these thoughts does not help at all in this task. Rather, if you have any such obsessive thoughts, talk about them to your T and see what feelings emerge.

[feileacan]

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

When I've been in crisis or had something important coming up, he's told me that he will be out of town, whether he will have cell reception or will be reading email. He's done the same if he's going to miss a day I normally have a session.

I see. I think there is still only one reasonable thing to do - to talk about those thoughts to your T and tell him how it makes you feel if he volunteers such information.

[kecanoe]

When that happens with me, it's because there is part of me that is just not sure that t will be back. It's actually pretty common, but it is definitely painful. I think journalling to see if I can discover what is behind the anxiety has been helpful at times.