[confused4ever]

'For Children Who Were Broken..." written by Elia Wise:

For children who were broken, it is very hard to mend...
Our pain was rarely spoken, and we hid the truth from friends.

Our parents said they loved us, but they didn't act that way.
They broke our hearts and stole our worth,
with the things that they would say.

We wanted them to love us, We didn't know what we did...
to make them yell at us and hit us,
and wish we weren't their kid.

They'd beat us up and scream at us and blame us for their lives.
Then they'd hold us close inside their arms and tell us confusing lies
of how they really loved us---even though we were BAD, and how it was
OUR fault they hit us, OUR fault that they were mad.

When days were just beginning, we sometimes prayed for them to end,
and when the pain kept coming, we learned to just pretend...that we were good
and so were they...and this was just one of those days...
tomorrow we'd be friends.

We had to believe it so. We had nowhere else to go.

Each day that we pretended, we replaced reality with lies, or dreams, or angry
schemes, in search of dignity...until our lies...
got bigger than the truth, and we had no one real to be.

Our bodies were forsaken...With no safe place to hide, we learned to stop
hearing and feeling...what they did to our outsides.

We tried to make them love us, till we hated ourselves instead,
and couldn't see a way out, and wished that they were dead.
We scared ourselves by thinking that, and scared ourselves to know,
that we were acting just like them---and might evermore be so.

To be half the size of a grown-up and trapped inside their pain ...
To every day lose everything with no savior or refrain...
To wonder how it's possible that God could so forget...the worthy child you knew you were, when you'd not been damaged yet...
To figure on your fingers...that the years till you'd be grown enough to leave the torment and survive away from home...were more thanyou could count to, or more than you could bear, was the reality we lived in...and we knew it wasn't fair.

We who grew up broken are somewhat out of time,
struggling to mend our childhood, when our peers are in their prime.
Where others find love and contentment, we still often have to strive...
to remember we are worthy, and heroes just to be alive.

Some of us are healing. Some are stealing. Most are passing the anger on.
Some give their lives away to drugs, or the promise of life beyond.
Some still hide from society. Some struggle to belong.
But all of us are wishing...the past would not hold on...so long.

There's a lot of digging down to do to find the child within,
to love away the ugly pain...and feel innocence again.
There's forgiveness worthy of angel's wings for remembering those at all,
who abused our sacred childhood and programmed us to fall.
To seek to understand them, and how their pain became our own,
is to rish the ground we stand on...to climb the mountain home.

The journey is not so lonely as in the past it's been...
More of us are strong enough to let the growth begin.
But while we're trekking up the mountain...we need everything we've got,
to face the adults we have become, and all that we are not.

So when you see us weary...from the day's internal climb...
When we find fault with your best efforts, or treat imperfection as purposeful crime...
When you see our quick defenses, our efforts to control, our readiness to form a plan
of unrealistic goals...When we run into a conflict and fight to the bitter end, or we turn and run again,
remember...We think that winning means we won't be hurt again.

When we abandon OUR thoughts and feelings, to be what we believe YOU want us to, or look at trouble we're having, and want to blame it all on you...
When life calls for new beginnings, and we fear they're doomed to end, remember...
Wounded trust is like a wounded knee---It's very hard to bend.

Please remember this when we're out of sorts. Tell us the truth, and be our friend.
For children who were broken...it is very hard to mend.

The end.

[wisewoman]

WOW, thanks

[bipolar_bear]

Awsome. thanks for sharing.

BB

Thank you so much for sharing. It relates so deeply to what is being talked about in therapy right now.

WOW this is beautiful and so so true, thankyou so much for sharing this, thankyou.

Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

[confused4ever]

<font color="purple"> </font>

Your all so welome. I knew when I read this that it feels so real, so close to what I am feeling! I know everyone else can relate to this and feel it also.

Remember we are all worth healing!!!

[Mouse_]

Confused, That was wonderful, thank you

[pachyderm]