I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID THIS TO HIM and other things.

Well I mentioned something that had to do with sex and then we started talking about why it is so hard for me to talk about sex with him. I was telling him how I can pretty much talk it about it openly with anyone else except him. I said, "Do you want to know why I can't talk about sex with you?" (I honestly don't know what came over me; maybe it's the Lithium, lol).

I said, "The reason I can't talk about sex with you is because I am afraid of how it will transfer into the relationship between you and I. You see, I feel like even if I say something like-- hey, I had sex with my husband last night--that might mean I want to have sex with you!"



Seriously, what the %#@&#! was I thinking?

And he had the best response. He goes, "Well-- it only took two years for this to come out." And I said, "Well it's not something that should really come out on a first session." And he said, "Or a first date," and we both started laughing.

(Of course I made this announcement exactly 5 minutes before the end of the session). He said, "If this is something that you want to explore more, we can-- but I won't push you to do so." I told him not to worry about that since this was my last session and I was never coming back, lol.

AND.... (I was really in rare form this evening) I spoke with him all about my fear of rejection and I told him, "I wanted to make you a CD." I told him the reasons I wanted to make it for him... then told him the reasons why I thought he'd reject it.

At the end of the session he goes, "Well, even though you didn't make me a CD this week, I made you two." And he handed me two more Schubert CDs because last week I told him that I had completely fallen in love with Schubert.

He had asked me, "Why would you think I would reject a CD from you?"

I can make him one now.

I told him about my dream with the colored pencils.

I cried in session. Yes, you heard me. I cried. I mean, I was able to keep it within my standards (crying is allowed, but as long as it does not require tissues).

I was seriously in rare form tonight. Stuff was just spilling out like crazy. These hour and a half sessions are insane.

hehe that's funny. you're a dag

just think, at least you got value for your money out of the session because you managed to say stuff and not stare at the carpet like I do.

I like your crying rule - mine is I have to have something to hide behind like a pillow so he can't see (yeah, like he really thinks I hide behind it because I'm happy) and also no snorting allowed!!

He sounds like he took the sex thing well, or is he worried that you are going to jump him?

Good going Pink! It would've been my last session for sure

I love the comment 'well it only took two years for this to come out'. Just love it! Does that mean he knew the whole time? I'm probably showing my inexperience with this whole process with that question.

I read recently that a good T knows his patients issues usually within the first weeks/months...

That means, I should have quit long ago, how embarrassing!

I'm glad he gave you permission to make him a CD and he gave you two and that is wonderful. Something for you to have forever just like my movie...

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smiley1984 said:
He sounds like he took the sex thing well, or is he worried that you are going to jump him?

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All I know is that I can kiss that handshake goodbye. There's so way he's gonna touch me now, lol.

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almeda24fan said:
I read recently that a good T knows his patients issues usually within the first weeks/months...

That means, I should have quit long ago, how embarrassing!

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That means that on my first session when I was like, "Yeah, I'm just here to overcome a couple anxiety issues...." He was probably thinking, "Ok, nutcase. We can do that."

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Stuff was just spilling out like crazy

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That evokes a great mental image. Crazy spilling, crazy crazy spilling.



Now that you've discussed both sex and the CD, you can make him a CD of Barry White and Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing." LOL (Can you tell my age?)

Seriously though, it sounds like you traveled eons and legions in this session. Fab sistah, fab.

p.s. Did you just die when he said first date? I would have.

See, that's when a female therapist is much more comfortable to have, LOL!

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sister said:

p.s. Did you just die when he said first date? I would have.


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I was like, "OH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" but inside I was going, "Holy %#@&#! get me out of here." lol

I forgot to mention that when I cried, I looked up at his eyes and they looked so, so sad. It was quite beautiful, actually.... to have him experiencing that with me at such a deep level.

Wow, pinksoil, I can't believe you said that! This sounds like a great session. You were able to say so much that in the past has been difficult. And you settled the CD question. I love how he had 2 new CDs waiting for you. How perfect. I loved his first date comment. Each therapy session is kind of like a date, isn't it?

What did he say about the colored pencils dream?

How is the lithium working for you so far? Sounds like maybe OK!

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I forgot to mention that when I cried, I looked up at his eyes and they looked so, so sad. It was quite beautiful, actually.... to have him experiencing that with me at such a deep level.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Ahhh, how beautiful.

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I read recently that a good T knows his patients issues usually within the first weeks/months...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That's interesting. I remember a half dozen or so months into our therapy, I revealed some stuff that T had never guessed at about me and my life. He was, frankly, appalled. Caught him by surprise. Maybe they don't like not figuring it all out in the first few meetings.

Pinksoil you are awesome. I can't imagine ever getting up the nerve to say any of those things. It took me a year and a half to even be able to really thank my T for his help. I have yet to be able to tell him how much he means to me (though I know he knows).

Sidony

Pink, I just had to look at this thread again. I love your session now come to mine and do the same for me okay?

I still can't believe I said that. I thought maybe it would sink in, but really I'm just stewing in it. His response was really great though-- I'll never forget that. I almost wanted to call him today to tell him that the entire session was a delusion and that nothing he remembered from it was accurate. Before I left yesterday I said, "Is it possible that maybe you would entirely forget that I said that?" lol Seriously though, I sort of wanted to call him and just ask, "Are we ok?" I never wanted to say anything like that because I felt like maybe it would push him away. But then I figured by him giving me those CDs at the very end of the session meant that we are ok. He will be at a training next Fri. and Sat. and I won't be able to see him on Fri. at all cause all he has is an afternoon slot.... so I am seeing him on Tuesday instead. I'm glad because now I only have to wait two more days but I'm also sad b/c then I'll have to wait more than a week til I see him again. In a way I am relieved that I "let the cat out" so to speak.... It has been a long time coming. I told him about lots of "unnamed transference" and "other feelings" but this was the 1st time I ever said it directly.

I think it its awesome. The closest I got to an admission like that was when I first brought up these odd feelings I was having over a year ago...his response right away was 'oh, it's not about me'...

I was humiliated and that scared the $#%^ out of me so I quit for a month...giggle.

Then I guess that last session when I had the melt down I said that I had some awareness finally that perhaps I did some acting out (out of session) because T and others in my life were unavailable when I needed them. I remember him saying that was quite an awareness...

That was about all I could handle. I wish I had straightened up somewhat so we could've talked more in that moment...