[Tbhimscared]

I want to stop seeing my therapist and I'm not sure how to do it and how to say it. Do I go to session? Call? Do I stay for the whole session? I have no clue what I should do

[AllHeart]

What feels right to you? Would you find a use for one more therapy session? If so, go. If not, perhaps calling to cancel is a good idea.

[ElectricManatee]

I agree with AllHeart. Are there unsaid things you want to say? Then go and have a final session. Are you just done and don't care to see your therapist again? Then calling to cancel and not rescheduling is a perfectly okay option.

I think any form of termination is fine. In session, via phone, email, text, whatever feels best for you. Also, I think most typically it does not have to be 100% final and you can change your mind and go back or talk with the T about it more, if you need to. I ended both of mine via email, for me personally I did not see a reason to pay for a session just to discuss it when I have already made a decision. But later, I went back to occasional sessions and emailed with the Ts every now and then, so it wasn't a clear cut for me. From what I read on this forum, many people struggle with ending therapy and prefer to do it gradually (cutting down session frequency etc). I don't think clients need to worry about what the T thinks and how they feel about it, even if they try to convince us not to do it (both of mine tried).

One thing I personally would not do is just not show up to the next session without cancelling and telling the T in advance, simply out of business respect. But I think people do that as well.

[Yzen]

I ended my first therapy by emailing the therapist and explaining I was needing to take a break and would contact her when I needed more sessions. A few months later, I tried a different therapist. With that second therapist, I ended it after a few months by calling her receptionist and canceling the appointment. I said would reschedule for a later date if needed.

I had a much better relationship with my first therapist which is why I felt the need to explain by email about my leaving for a while with her. I still keep in touch with her by email and have been considering returning for more sessions.

[stopdog]

I would call or email and cancel. I am not usually inclined to pay them to tell them I am leaving.

[Tbhimscared]

I think I'll have to go to my session to cancel because it's such short notice. I want to start seeing someone else and they may be in the same building as her so I don't want to say I need a break from therapy when that's not the truth. I can't help but care what she may think and that she may be hurt by this. So in my next session (tomorrow) I'll have to tell her and she'll likely ask why I think I need to stop or why I find things aren't working. I have an appointment with another therapist next week so hopefully that goes well with them and I'll go see my GP soon anyway so I'll be able to figure something out

[kecanoe]

Late in coming to the discussion, but how did it go?

[Moment]

I think there's lots of ways to terminate and it depends on WHY you want to terminate.

(1) You were in crisis, you're not anymore, you've learned a lot, but you've gone as far as you feel like going for now and you can think of other things you'd like to do with your money and time. You discuss this with your therapist because of course jointly talking about your status and goals has been an ongoing part of your therapy. The two of you agree that stopping seems fine, say a fond farewell, and you know that you can call later if something comes up in your life and you need to talk down the road. If you have met with a therapist for months and it has been helpful, I think it is really good for both of you to have a face-to-face goodbye in which you review all the progress and good work you did together.

(2) The therapist is just openly incompetent. Eats lunch during your session, answers the phone repeatedly, forgets appointments, talks about themselves nonstop for no good reason. Personally, I'd just call and leave a voice mail saying you're canceling your next appointment, and good riddance. If they called and asked you to come back, either not reply or tell them frankly what the problem was. Refuse to go back.

(3) You've met with a new therapist for a few times, and you're just not feeling comfortable. They're not doing anything wrong, exactly, it's just that you don't feel like talking to them and you don't click. You don't feel like the therapist gets you. You still find yourself wanting to be in therapy, but just not with that person. I'd end that one with a phone call just saying frankly that you appreciate their time but are not feeling a connection and will move on. A professional will understand this and maybe even give you referrals to others.

(4) You have a big fight with your therapist. Or, your therapist has disappointed you in some way. You feel betrayed, let down, abandoned. These are the situations where I really think going and trying to talk it out is important. You may think the problem is all the therapist's doing but if you go and talk frankly about the situation and how it has affected you, you may find that you did not perceive the therapist's thoughts and feelings accurately. You may realize that what is happening between the two of you is very similar to the kinds of problems you came to therapy to try to fix. You may repair things with your therapist and end up trusting them a million times more. And you never would have known this if you just walked away or left a message on their voice mail saying you were never coming back. THIS is why therapists always ask people to come back for one last session, at least. Not to "pay to tell them that you're going away" but rather to explore if there's something deeper driving you away. I think if you've been seeing your therapist for awhile, and have felt connected, and then something happens to rupture that connection, the two of you should meet for one or two sessions to look at it and talk about it because you might really learn something. I will say, though, that in these situations both people probably are contributing to the problem, and if you are willing to look at your contribution and the therapist is defensive and isn't, then meeting for a session or two may not resolve it. But at least then you know you really tried and can look for a therapist who is more self-reflective.

In my lifetime I've had three terminations. One was of the #1 variety, and it was a good termination. I had two #4 terminations, one of which I would characterize as due to my inability to look at myself and one was due to the therapist being unwilling to do that. The therapist I have now, he is a winner. And I am pretty much certain we will do #1.

[Ididitmyway]

There is no "should". You are not obligated to terminate in any particular way. You can do it any way you want.

[Moment]

How did it go, Tbhimscared?