[Anastasia~]

I desperately need my attachment system to STOP screaming at me. I KNOW I'm ****ed up. T calls this an abandonment seige, but WHY have I been in this for so long? I want so badly to get a semblance back of my life before this crisis.

I want to give up. I want to get back to my life like my reprieve last week. NOthing I do matters. I am thinking in black and white and can't figure out any kind of solution. This insidious disease has gotten the best and worst of me. what the **** ever

[TheWell]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. It sounds like you are talking about it with your therapist. That's the best thing you can do.

Hugs
W

[WarmFuzzySocks]

That sounds so hard. I think the term "abandonment siege" is so evocative and descriptive. I hope the reprieves get longer and longer.

[Anastasia~]

Thank you for your support. I'm not currently in a full blown crisis, I was able to work and forget about it for various periods of time. I did fine last week, and in fact, chose not to go to my Wed. session because I had an extra one on Tues. So I wasn't pathologically attached to him last week, or it wasn't activated. Yesterday/last night was unbelievably painful. I don't feel as good as I did last week and I don't feel as horrific as I did just yesterday/last night. I don't think my T fully "gets" this experience, it felt like he was trying to trigger me and was successful. It's like he wants me to be angry so I will leave him. I don't know if I'll make it through.