[hopealwayz]

How do you avoid attachment in the therapy relationship?

[Swimmersusan]

I wish I knew :-(

[DP_2017]

LOL I tried and failed, no idea... but my T says it's a good thing as long as it doesn't become obsessive

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm wondering about this too, since I just started seeing a different T.

[Elio]

I think it is figuring out why you attach in the first place and getting yourself to basically attach to yourself for those things. Different levels of attachment is appropriate with the people in your life. It's figuring out those levels based on role the person fulfills in your life - and making sure they are mutually wanted.

I think some forms of therapy intensify and work off those attachment needs - it might be that you need to find a different type of therapy for a while. Or accept that for now you will go through the pains of attachment as part of your therapy treatment plan/journey.

Do you attach as hard to female therapists as you do to male therapists? It is possible that you might be better off seeking a female therapist.

[DP_2017]

^I agree with you there, if I had a woman, it would be unlikey I'd attach or it would not be intense if I did, maybe OP is the same good advice

I know for me, this is not something I'm used to and I didn't want it to happen but now that it has and my T knows and is cool about it, I am allowing myself to experience it. its scary for me but I know it will be good in the end.

Good luck OP and i agree about looking into a woman if you have a man right now, or someone more rigid with no out of session contact etc.

I don't think attachment is necessarily a bad thing. The problem comes with the type of attachment you have. I have secure attachments to people, so the attachment is not a problem. If a person has an insecure or anxious attachment pattern, then attachment does become a problem in many cases. So perhaps the question is not how do you avoid attachment altogether; instead, it is how does a person form secure attachments.

I have NO idea what the answer to that dilemma is, however. I know my husband has problems with secure attachment which was a problem in our marriage for a long time. It isn't a problem any longer, mostly due to me putting clear boundaries on how I responded to inappropriate displays of need (passive-aggressiveness, splitting, etc.) and him learning how to appropriately communicate with me what he needed and learning how to calm his own thoughts/anxieties rather than insisting I fix things for him. It's a skill that he had to learn, and I had to learn how not to feed into it which tended to make things worse. When we were both on the same page, things calmed down and he really doesn't have those anxieties anymore.

(Heading off to get my hair cut. I'll come back to this later maybe.)

[ScarletPimpernel]

I agree with Elio and DP. It's the same advice that has been given already. You seem to really attach to male authority figures. If you want to attach less to a T, try a female T.

For me, I'm opposite. I get really attached to female authority figures. When ex-T abandoned me, I did look into a male T, but I didn't feel a connection with any of them (which probably was a "normal" healthy thing). I didn't have a lot of time to T shop, so I chose a female T I had an instant connection to. I tried not to develop an attachment. She knew I had extreme attachment to my ex-T, so she even tried to slow down my attachment by having firm boundaries. We even had a really rocky start. But in the end, I still got extremely attached. But I'm learning that it's okay because we are actively working on it. It's not something we're ignoring. We are reducing sessions slowly to build up my tolerance. It's actually making our relationship stronger. And even last session she mentioned that it's a really good thing that I had an instant connection to her. Without it, I wouldn't have stuck it out through the hard times with her. I'm glad I did! She also agreed that when my fiance finds a T, to make sure he has an instant connection too. Her advice to me though, if I ever want to find another T, is to find a male T. Even though having a connection is healthy, having extreme attachment is not...at least not to a T.

[Shazerac]

I don't know what works for others but I try to stick to Ts of the same gender as me. I'm not gay I guess it would be the opposite it if I was.

The only time I had a male T, I stopped in my tracks when I walked in the room and met him. He was soooo HOT. I would have been drooling if I met him in the grocery store. The fact that I was old enough to be his mother or maybe even his grandmother didn't make any difference. I got out of that situation as quickly as I could because it was extremely distracting.

I do understand that we can develop an attachment to a T that has nothing to do with sexual attraction. What I try to keep in mind is that the T is basically a professional colleague who is working with me while I learn how to deal with my issues. I try to keep in mind that it is an artificial relationship and that they are not my friend in the traditional sense.