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ScarletPimpernel
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 07:55 AM
  #1
Sometimes I want to say something to my T about my beliefs, but I hold back because I don't know her beliefs. I asked her today if she believes in God and she refused to answer. I told her I struggle with conflicting beliefs, but she probably wouldn't be the person to talk to about it. She said that she actually could help me with it. I was shocked. I was thinking I'd have to find some sort of religious leader to help me. If my T could help me, that'd be great. She already knows everything else about me (well not my political views). But I'm concerned because I don't know where she stands. I don't want to be judged, and I don't want this to affect our relationship negatively.

Does anyone else talk to their T about their religious/spiritual beliefs? Does it help? I'm especially interested in experiences where you don't know your Ts beliefs or you do know and they're different from yours.

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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 08:04 AM
  #2
I am agnostic and talked about spirituality (I explored religion and many other kinds in my life) with one of my Ts, as well as many other people with a great variety of beliefs (or lack of beliefs). I always feel that if someone has a healthy relationship with their spirituality, they are usually tolerant of diversity and different views and do not take such discussions personally. If not, it's not for me to be uncomfortable and figure out why. If it's something you really want to discuss, I would just talk about your views, doubts, questions etc and not ask the T about theirs.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 08:13 AM
  #3
not really but he did ask once if I had any faith of any sort....
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 09:10 AM
  #4
I'm an atheist and I don't know my T's belief system. I have discussed my atheism as it relates to my religious family and upbringing, and as it relates to a string of deaths in my life. (Religious people say some weird, distressing things to you when your parent dies. I think it's supposed to be comforting? But I was freaked out.) My T has been respectful of my (lack of) beliefs, which makes me feel like I don't really care what her beliefs are because we are both considering my point of view in session.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 09:13 AM
  #5
SP I understand why you would want to know where your T was coming from. This was a big issue for me, and it really helped that my T was open about it. (He is kind of atheist, doesn't belong to any religious tradition in particular. But he is open to talking about these kinds of things - also crucially he knows when he doesn't know...)
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 10:02 AM
  #6
On occasion when it pertains to other things I am discussing. All of my therapists have been fairly aligned with my religious experience, so I was always comfortable doing so, but it didn't really come up all that often.

My 2nd therapist was actually my pastor, and ironically enough, I think we talked about religion less than I did with the others, perhaps because we had an understanding of each other's faith practices and spiritual background that was rather innate. The other two were of different denominations than myself, but we still held very similar beliefs; they just didn't have quite the personal knowledge of my specific denomination that my pastor did.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 10:26 AM
  #7
I do sometimes yes. She was the one who first told me that my evolving at the time spirituality sounded pagan... that was before I'd met the drumming group folks, way back during year 1 with her. I'd struggled for a time with that, since I was raised in a Christian family/church. There was enough hypocrisy w/in my own family though that I struggled with it anyway...
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 10:28 AM
  #8
My T and I came from similar faith traditions. We also tried out a few different religions, as adults, trying to find our true path. As it turns out, we both ended up in a great, similar place, and we do talk about religion/spirituality from time to time.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 10:34 AM
  #9
Same as my answer to the politics question really... I'm an atheist and my city was once called "the most godless city in the UK" (just googled it, Norwich took the title from us - which is amusing because that's where my new T is from)... So there's not much religion about.

I don't think I've ever specifically known a T's beliefs in this area, nor have I ever spoken much about mine. I don't mind what their beliefs are, as long as they respect mine.

In terms of your situation, I think a T can and should be able to remain impartial in discussing this stuff with you. Actually I read a really nice thing the other day on that subject - on allowing one's spirituality to inform one's work as a therapist but still keeping the space for the client's beliefs... I'll find it for you when I get home.

Last edited by lucozader; Oct 17, 2017 at 10:46 AM..
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 10:42 AM
  #10
I'm an atheist so religion is completely foreign to me and to be honest, the very rare times I encounter religious people, I just think "how odd". Religion is simply not a part of most people's lives in my country (except for Muslims I suppose). I have no idea what my therapist believes in but I suppose she's probably indifferent to religion which is the most common attitude where I live. I think it's fine if you want to talk about religion with your therapist and I don't think it matters what she thinks/believes. From your description she seems like she can handle anything.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 10:52 AM
  #11
I grew up without religion, but got into a church in my teens. Later, the church abandoned me. My views since have changed, but I feel so much shame and fear because of the church's views. I can't accept my own beliefs! I'm afraid to. And I feel constantly damned. I'd like to find someone who I can talk to about it and somehow accept my beliefs.

I can see how having my T remain neutral could be beneficial. But I also wonder if she has enough experience or knowledge to help me. She says a lot of her clients talk to her about religion. And that she thinks she can help me (she doesn't know really any details yet). It's weird. I just never even thought to address this issue with her. I only asked if she believed in God so that if I made comments like "God hates me" (which I feel all the time), I would know where her advice is coming from.

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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 11:52 AM
  #12
Yes. We are both Christians, and it is helpful.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 01:07 PM
  #13
I am a Christian and T3 was raised in the church but no longer shares that faith. I didn't know her beliefs when I first raised the topic; at one point I compared something in my brain to a tangled string of Christmas lights and she looked blank.

Since that time she has shared that she was raised in the church, and that she gets clients who are trying to sort out what they were taught in the Black Church (her words, she is African American). She hasn't exactly said that she has left the church, but I am pretty sure that is the case.

Nonetheless, at times she suggests I use a Biblical story or an image of God. We talk about how faith motivates me. She sometimes asks questions to clarify what I believe and how that works-an example would be her asking about who pays for a mission trip and her wanting to clarify that we actually do pay to travel to other places to help people. But she is respectful about it, even when my experience clearly doesn't match her own.

I would go ahead and give it a try; if T doesn't seem helpful you can always drop the subject. From what I have read about your t, though, she will be fine with it if she says she will.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 01:25 PM
  #14
SP, in my experience T has been helpful about matters around religious practice and belief and so on, even when there are certain aspects he doesn't "get". I think we can accept that a T is not there to help with the ins and outs of what we believe or don't believe and why. It's not their remit. But I have found that my T can certainly help clarify things to do with our boundaries, relationships with others, self esteem and so on, and then this makes things clearer and easier to deal with.

In my opinion I think it would be good to speak to T about the situation with the church, because it sounds like the situation had an important impact on you.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 01:33 PM
  #15
My T is actively religious; I am not. We talk about it occasionally when it comes up and even though I don't share her beliefs I've found it helpful.

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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 03:38 PM
  #16
I'm an atheist and I threw it out there fairly early in therapy. I figured if he had an issue with it, he had a chance to say something then. He doesn't seem to have an issue with it. I've never asked him about his beliefs but through things he's said, I don't think he's religious. Sometimes I censor myself about my disbelief because I don't want to offend him, but then I do that outside of therapy also, especially with my family, who for the most part don't know what I believe. Religion has only ever come up when discussing interactions with my mother, who knows I don't believe, but suggests I pray when I'm having problems.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 03:47 PM
  #17
she asked me recently if i believed in God, nad I rolled my eyes at her and said "Of course not, surely you must know that." haha. She said she likes to check in every once in awhile, and I told her that it won't change. I think she is more a spiritual vs religious person, but it has no real effect in my life, so i don't talk about it.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 04:05 PM
  #18
My T and I do not (and have never) discussed religion. I do not know her beliefs. Then again, my own religious practices run the gamut so I cannot imagine being surprised or disheartened by her beliefs if I somehow learned of them. I myself attend mass at a Catholic church on holy days throughout the year and I belong to a sangha (weekly). In addition, I have my own meditation/spiritual practice (daily) and I participate in a couple of retreats each year. I am sure I could find some way to relate to my T’s beliefs if it ever came up in conversation.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 06:15 PM
  #19
My ex therapist is an atheist and my standby therapist has no religious practice, but I don't know if she believes in a supreme being.

With ex, I shared my growing up with a religion and she was honest that she felt religion left me and others with a lot of quilt, but she was not opposed to my talking about religion and did not bad mouth my rigid believes. I have since moved on from my childhood religion, but she was always willing to talk about any subject with me without passing judgment or suggesting I do or be different.

From what you've said about your therapist in previous post, I believe that she might be quite helpful in whatever you bring up with her, or at least point you in another direction if she feels she can't help with a particular topic.
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Default Oct 17, 2017 at 09:25 PM
  #20
My faith and religion is a huge part of my life and over the last couple of years is a part of my support system. I discuss it with both my T's and pdoc. T1 grew up a different Christian religion than I am. She still believes but does not attend church. She is very supportive. Pdoc is the same religion but does attend or really practice but again her beliefs are still there. She occasionally asks me questions as she believes I know more and o don't make her feel bad for not knowing things. Pdoc told me one of the reasons she recommended T2 to me is we share the same faith and T2 is very involved. When I met her the first time and discussed my church family she disclosed she is the same religion. It is not something she normally discloses but felt it is okay with me. We have talked quite a bit about our faith.

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