[lunatic soul]

Maybe you can share what helps you to understand yourself? Some kind of therapy or excersises or anything else?

I realized how splitted I am. I have doubts all the time thats why I have fears. I want something and dont at the same time.
T said I should answer to myself how I feel about those things but also feelings changes all the time and it disturbs me to live.
I see T very rarely once a month but Im trying to understand myself but its crazy when for example Im sick of situation at my job and want to be free, want to leave but I know that part of me likes it or is attached to this. Also other things. I am conflicting to myself everyday and changing my mind 3 times a day. Im tired of this.
Person must know what he/she wants, if I dont I cant do anything to get what makes me happy.

So Im interested what helps you to understand what you want, what you feel, how to get away from doubts and fears which stops you.

[DP_2017]

Sadly no good advice but I totally get you. I am a constant ball of mental conflict. A few examples.... I've always hated hugs but when I started therapy, I was preparing for a pending death of someone who mattered to me and was trying to be ok with people hugging me then, and so my T began hugging me every session. I turned out to like it more than I ever had before, sadly the death recently happened and no one but him bothered to hug me anyway

I also am like this with relationships, never been in one, sometimes I am completely ok with it and don't care if I ever am but sometimes I crave knowing what it's like etc. very frustrating to live like this for sure

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Writing in a journal helps me. When I have conflicting feelings and ideas I can write them all down and read them later, which it helps sort things out in my head.

[mostlylurking]

There's a whole school of therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), that focuses on all the different aspects of ourselves, as if we're each made up of a cast of internal characters rather than just being monolithic. I think almost everyone has experienced being in conflict with ourselves, and I like IFS because it gives me a way to understand that. I might have (say) a young scared part, a happy-go-lucky bohemian part, a responsible manager part, an angry part, etc and so I might have a variety of reactions to a single event in my life.

A goal of therapy in IFS would be for each part to feel heard and understood, and for there to be better cooperation, so to speak, between the different parts of the self. Many parts are protective of us, but it can be in misguided ways. The "true" self is not scared and defensive but is more self-assured and simply curious about the world, but that real self may rarely be in the driver's seat, because protective parts may more often have control of the wheel. By getting to know our protective parts we can get them to relax a bit.

This isn't a great explanation, but I just wanted to say that working with conflicting parts can be really useful in some kinds of therapy. Understanding where the different points of view come from can teach you a great deal about yourself, including how to bring all those points of view together to make good decisions.

[stopdog]

I just do for the most part. I have never tried to break it down. I think most things come down to choice - I know I have choice in most, if not all (and there are theories for all), things.

[InnerPeace111]

Things that help me are reading, writing, journaling, self-reflecting, focusing (The International Focusing Institute), and meditating.

Observing my thoughts, feelings, behavior etc in a variety of situations, over time. Recognizing long-term patterns, tendencies, choices. Looking at how I like to express myself and be known, what I tend to hold back and hide. Pushing my limits and consciously putting myself in situations where I don't feel comfortable but, reasonably, know that they would help me advance in something. Acting in spite of fears and lack of motivation - the inspiration often comes much more effectively on the go, while engaging, rather than withdrawing and looking at everything from a detached vantage point (that I am prone to). I could do a lot of this via therapy but my experience has been that therapy provides extremely limited context and opportunities for deep and broad self-knowledge compared with experience in everyday life. It brought out and highlighted certain patterns for me, but also created false and parallel "worlds", dustractions that were often irrelevant to my life and true issues. With time and life experience, I've learned that the most realistic and useful insights come to be via engaging and interacting with the world (my environment, other people etc) actively rather than merely studying life (that was often my default, defensive strategy, when I was younger). I find it helpful to discuss the experiences and feelings with others - an intelligent therapist can serve this role, but so can a good friend, mentor, or even some virtual discussions such as a forum like this one, where I see a variety of views and experiences rather than just mine or how I am with one other person.

I got in the habit of understanding myself through psychoanalytic therapy, so it's difficult to think of any other way. I'm a pattern person so it otherwise comes naturally for me.

I like the idea of journaling. How about art? Can you join an online group? There are groups on things like Myers Briggs that are designed to help sort things out.