[rothfan6]

I can’t show feelings or emotions in front of anyone. I’m supposed to be starting on the trauma memories next week but feel like it’s going to be a big waste of time since I’m not going to be able to share much of it. My therapist pissed me off and assumed I’d just end up showing emotions during the trauma work because of the strong feelings it will probably bring up. I don’t slip up or lose control of my feelings in front of someone ever. He should know that by now I just shut down or dissociate if it gets too strong to contain. I don’t know how to not do that or even if I want to. Is it pointless to work on the trauma with the way I am?

(((Rothfan))) My T and I had a conversation around this not more than 30 minutes ago. We came to no conclusions just go as fast or slow as I need too. My T has now realised that big emotions arent my thing. It took years to work this out.

[mostlylurking]

I don't think anything is "wrong" with you. I suspect you have some really well developed defenses, which no doubt have some upsides and some downsides.

I noticed one of your tag lines says (I think) "Nothing weighs heavier than a secret." I'm wondering if you should try talking about an instance of trauma to see if the burden feels any lighter? Not being alone with it could be helpful, even if you don't show any emotion. Someone would know what happened to you, some small part of it. For some that might feel like a relief, but everyone is different.

I'm sorry your T made an assumption about you showing emotions, they should never assume! Is it possible his intention was to say that strong emotions would be understandable and welcomed, as a way of inviting you to show them? Either way, it sounds like there's something he's not quite getting about the way you keep your emotions to yourself.

[Spangle]

I was like that for the first two years of therapy. I would dissociate at the slightest thing. I got mine out in bits. As I shared more, my emotions took hold & hit me like a tsunami. Just take your time.

[rothfan6]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

I don't think anything is "wrong" with you. I suspect you have some really well developed defenses, which no doubt have some upsides and some downsides.

I noticed one of your tag lines says (I think) "Nothing weighs heavier than a secret." I'm wondering if you should try talking about an instance of trauma to see if the burden feels any lighter? Not being alone with it could be helpful, even if you don't show any emotion. Someone would know what happened to you, some small part of it. For some that might feel like a relief, but everyone is different.

I'm sorry your T made an assumption about you showing emotions, they should never assume! Is it possible his intention was to say that strong emotions would be understandable and welcomed, as a way of inviting you to show them? Either way, it sounds like there's something he's not quite getting about the way you keep your emotions to yourself.

I want to say out loud pieces of the trauma and think it would be a big relief but it’s a huge conflict too. I feel like I’m just going to defeat myself and not get that freedom or relief feeling. More like recounting an average day. I’m probably over thinking it

I don’t think my T gets the amount of work and control I put into my emotions. Flat or neutral is the only feelings I’m comfortable with or feel ok showing.

[rothfan6]

Originally Posted by Spangle

I was like that for the first two years of therapy. I would dissociate at the slightest thing. I got mine out in bits. As I shared more, my emotions took hold & hit me like a tsunami. Just take your time.

Where you working towards or wanting to share more feelings? That worries me that it will just happen one day and once’s it’s loose there’s no stopping it.

[zoiecat]

I can totally relate I see a trauma specialist and I have been working on my trauma for over 10 months now but I never show any emotion. We do EMDR we do talk therapy we do other things. You do get value of sharing your trauma even though you're not showing your emotions when I do show an emotion my therapist is always happy and asked me to sit with it do some mindful breathing I just feel the emotion but it's not like I will ever cry or smile or burst out in anger he can just usually tell that I feel a certain Emotion by the words I say. I to dissociate a lot if things get too strong. He says that with people with dissociation issues you can very easily go too fast but you can never go too slow so he's fine with whatever I'm able to give him. I have made progress on so am I trauma issues though so it is definitely an advantage to you to start working on them even if you know you can't show emotion. He always tells me that there is no self help cure for PTSD the only way to get over it as to tell your story to someone else preferably a mental health professional.

[Spangle]

Originally Posted by rothfan6

Where you working towards or wanting to share more feelings? That worries me that it will just happen one day and once’s it’s loose there’s no stopping it.

At that time, to be honest, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do. It did just happen one day (although it took me 3/4 hour to actually fight to get words out) That was the first time I could express any feelings. It was very scary as my body was shaking. After that though, I got better & better at being able to feel & express myself. It’s defin worth trying to go there.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by rothfan6

I want to say out loud pieces of the trauma and think it would be a big relief but it’s a huge conflict too. I feel like I’m just going to defeat myself and not get that freedom or relief feeling. More like recounting an average day. I’m probably over thinking it

I don’t think my T gets the amount of work and control I put into my emotions. Flat or neutral is the only feelings I’m comfortable with or feel ok showing.

I can relate to this, as it happened to me. It's hard enough to share these things without having to be judged as not emotional enough on top of it all. In the end, I just plowed it all deeper inside.

I hope it goes better for you than it has for me.

[hdmivision512]

Originally Posted by rothfan6

I can’t show feelings or emotions in front of anyone. I’m supposed to be starting on the trauma memories next week but feel like it’s going to be a big waste of time since I’m not going to be able to share much of it. My therapist pissed me off and assumed I’d just end up showing emotions during the trauma work because of the strong feelings it will probably bring up. I don’t slip up or lose control of my feelings in front of someone ever. He should know that by now I just shut down or dissociate if it gets too strong to contain. I don’t know how to not do that or even if I want to. Is it pointless to work on the trauma with the way I am?

I don't want to enforce my beliefs onto what you believe in any way or form. Okay here was my experience with trauma treatment. I believe ptsd can overlap with many conditions physical, psychological, ect...I believe genetic depression is my problem And I can't say anything that you have or dont in anyway. It did not do much for me but leave me confused. I keep my emotional states to myself, because how I feel can be interpreted by someone else in any way or form,and I don't like that. like how I am explaining my personal struggles right now. Because if someone is told they have this or that, it could make them feel worried powerless ect... when you may have something else wrong. I don't have the link to the article but they say emdr results in successful treatment of symptoms in 50% of people though studies vary. And there can be multiple sessions. Perhaps it helps you, keep doing it. Whatever you find that helps keep doing it.

[hdmivision512]

Originally Posted by rothfan6

I can’t show feelings or emotions in front of anyone. I’m supposed to be starting on the trauma memories next week but feel like it’s going to be a big waste of time since I’m not going to be able to share much of it. My therapist pissed me off and assumed I’d just end up showing emotions during the trauma work because of the strong feelings it will probably bring up. I don’t slip up or lose control of my feelings in front of someone ever. He should know that by now I just shut down or dissociate if it gets too strong to contain. I don’t know how to not do that or even if I want to. Is it pointless to work on the trauma with the way I am?

It can help some people. if it doesn't help other options should or can be pursued emotional reactions flare up in some people what ever symptoms are being felt can be wrote down as it can bring more clarity between the therapist and the patient. Dsm diagnoses help understand what may be troubling the patient. But all symptoms under a condition may not be what someone has. Writing what symptoms affect someone's everyday life that are problematic can bring greater understanding and preparation when confronted by a psychiatrist psychologist ect...