[rainbow8]

Is it because we're probably going to get hurt and rejected? I feel a need to discuss it with my T today, and I already feel anxious and ashamed. She doesn't make me feel that way; I just do.

[DP_2017]

yep probably, i know thats why it was hard for me but he surprised me and was super awesome after i opened up about my feelings. now talking about ending therapy someday, just no. 100% will not do that topic

[SoConfused623]

I totally understand Rainbow. I can't even imagine talking to my new T about our relationship. I want her to think that I'm "Cool" and if I admitted how much I like her, think about her and want to know all about her, she'd probably be really kind about it, but I just can't imagine going there! Good luck with your appointment today.

[atisketatasket]

Mine always want to talk about the relationship. I don’t find it hard so much as annoying.

[Favorite Jeans]

I don't know. But you're right, it really freaking is. Hate it. Marginally less awful when she brings it up. I'm going through a thing at the moment. When I'm in a better place I can usually white knuckle it if I have to.

I did not find it particularly hard with therapists and don't tend to have much conscious fear of rejection in general. When it is hard though (not only in therapy but everyday relationships) is when I am avoiding admitting something about my contribution to the relationship, avoiding responsibility for something I do or how I handle something. It is hard typically when I am already aware and sense that something is off - in other words, I am in a state of cognitive dissonance but not yet ready to resolve it. I can also describe it as momentary avoidance of responsibility for my own role and actions. This is an area where I feel I have improved tremendously in the past ~10 years but still happens at times. When I am not so aware, then usually I behave in a more dismissive way, which is basically ignoring things and trying to move on without tapping into it and resolving it - and my own reaction is the rejection. We can of course describe this as a form of fear of rejection - I reject you first, so you won't even have a chance. I imagine that for someone who has a more preoccupied style about relationships and attachment, it manifests more as intense fear of rejection/abandonment, which is discussed on this forum a lot? In any case, I believe that the culprit is always some form of fear and anxiety.

[Soccer mom]

It's hard for me because I've never openly discussed my feelings with another person other than my husband and children. I grew up that you don't talk about your feelings so I feel awkward when people tell me they love me and so on. So, it's a perfect place to practice it if I can ever get up the nerve. T. is more than willing but I usually get very quiet.

[stopdog]

The woman used to try to talk about that which she labeled a relationship, but she disliked my responses and so she stopped bringing it up. For me, I just don't see the point in it.

[Spangle]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Mine always want to talk about the relationship. I don’t find it hard so much as annoying.

Me too!!

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm scared to talk to T2 about our relationship. I'm worried he'll think I'm going to get attached to him like I am to MC. OK, I'm also worried about getting attached. But I guess I need to talk about that fear...

On the other hand, I've spent plenty of time talking to MC about our relationship--probably too much!

For me there's an element of how my feelings for my T overlay past relationships where it's not been possible to express or discuss what's going on openly. Some of that fear is ancient and comes from a time when feelings were best left buried. So it's not surprising it's scary to acknowledge and express them now.