[peaches100]

PART 2

Just then, I felt a horribly painful twinge slice through my heart. For the last several weeks, I've felt upset, angry, and hurt about the t relationship. I haven't felt much attachment. I've felt disconnection. In that state, I felt like I wanted to terminate and would be OK with it. But now that my t was agreeing that maybe I should terminate and see someone else, I suddenly felt outright panic.

My sudden extreme change in emotion puzzled me. Why had I pushed so hard to make a case for leaving, only to feel so terrified and resistant to doing so now that my t had agreed that maybe I should see somebody else?

I knew in that moment that it was my dissociated child-feeling parts that I thought I had successfully buried 2 months ago when my t had let me down so badly. All of a sudden, my mind was saying "Oh, NO!" and my body was reacting with feelings of panic. For the first time in 2 months, I knew in my gut that I DO NOT want to leave my t!!!

I tried not to show on my face that I was suddenly feeling terrified about leaving her. I said, "I wouldn't want to change therapists permanently...just see somebody who can work with me on attachment issues and offer me additional support I need for a little while. Then maybe I could come back and work with you again and things would be smoother."

She replied, “The therapy relationship isn’t meant to be smooth all the time. Relationships are messy. They are painful at times. They take a lot of work. That’s the way life is.” I told her I know, but I don’t like it.

I told her that I had done some research on the Internet, reading a few articles from professional journals, about the subject of between session contact. She asked me what I learned from them. I told her that, just as the situation here, I found differing opinions. One therapist had a client a lot like me, and they used email all the time as part of their therapeutic work. Other therapists just used email for emergencies and scheduling. She told me that every therapist is an individual, and so their boundaries and ideas about using email are going to vary.

I said there was a lot of information that talked about how technology is becoming commonplace, and there is a lot of discussion underway in the field as to how much technology should be used in therapy and for what reasons. Some of the issues involve confidentiality, privacy, and how it can interfere with a therapist’s personal time.

Sometime around then, we started talking about working out a plan for email contact that would work for both of us and that I could count on. We decided that it is OK for me to send an email: (1) During times when we have worked on something painful and I am having trouble with dissociation and need a bit of help grounding or (2) If something comes up that I want to make sure she knows, so we can address it at the next session.

I also told her I would make my email messages brief and try to be direct about what I need from her (for example, I had a really bad nightmare last night that I need to talk to you about when I see you…or…I’m feeling a little bit insecure about our relationship and just need you to reassure me that you still care about me.” I told her that I would do my best to ask for what I need, but I have some real blocks when it comes to doing that.

[Spangle]

Peaches, that sounds quite positive. I like that your t is prepared to compromise, even if it’s not fully what you want/need. Knowing you can email if you need reassurance from her, must really help you feel less alone.