[Miswimmy1]

So I had a terrible therapy appointment today. I've been having a rough week. For whatever reason, I've been missing my ex-t a lot (many of you know the controversial nature of that relationship). I've also been generally stressed with school and some of my personal relationships. I have been feeling OCD urges getting stronger and I told my therapist that. He tried to get me to brainstorm exposures and I told him that all the ideas sounded too daunting. He asked me what strategy I had for when I was doing the exposure and started to feel anxious and upset.

I told him honestly that I don't have any real coping mechanisms besides freaking out and falling apart (shutting down emotionally, or crying, or getting angry, or all of the above). He said, "does that help you feel better?" And I said, "No". He said, "When you've had to get through something hard, how have you gotten through it?" And I said honestly, "I just did it anyway and was miserable the entire time." I had been frustrated with him for not seeming to be interested in talking about my ex-t and had sort of shut down by this point in our session. But I felt like he was being snarky when he said, "Is that something you are willing to try now [during the exposure]? To just push through and just be miserable?"

And then when I said an unenthusiastic sure, he was like, "Ok. Well it's been good talking to you. I'll talk to you next week". And that was it. He sent me on my way. I rarely leave a session feeling worse off than when I arrived but this was by far the worst session I've had with him. I feel like he basically was telling me that if I can't figure out how to help myself, then I'm a lost cause and should just resign to being miserable. Isn't it his job to help me figure out how to develop coping skills? I know that I need to put in the work as well but I felt like he was totally asking me all of these questions and not giving me any support whatsoever.

[stopchewinggum]

He definitely could have handled that better! I think he might have been trying to get you to see what you were doing was wasn't working, so he wanted you to be more willing to work through the exposures, even if they were daunting. I'm guessing, maybe. I have had this issue with exposure therapy in the past.

[SalingerEsme]

It never feels good if your T pushes his agenda further than the alliance between you allows. It seems like he forgot to attune with you, and make sure you felt connected, so he made you defensive. You might let him know you don't feel like your relationship with him is really ready for that much of his own agenda being pushed on you?

[Ididitmyway]

Through this reaction he basically communicated to you that there is nothing he could do to help you cope with stress, that he's got no solution to your problem and/or no strategy for finding a solution. He also didn't even try to explore the sources of stress you are experiencing. He essentially let you know that what you are struggling with is your problem and he is not going to be involved in it. Then what is his role as a therapist? And what, in that case, is the reason for you to see him next week?

Instead of telling you honestly that he couldn't help you and referring you to a colleague who could do a better job, or, in other words, instead of taking responsibility for his limitations he is putting the responsibility for solving your problem entirely on you, as if his job has nothing to do with it.

I don't see any reason for wasting money on someone who doesn't want to do their job. They would have no use for me. I'd make a clean break with him and move on. No explanation, just a text message informing him that I am terminating my work with him in order to avoid paying for a missed session if he has a cancellation policy.

[stopdog]

That is one of their jerkish manipulations at clients. You can read about it in their texbooks.

[Sarmas]

I agree with anyone. If we had the answers then we wouldn’t be going to them. At least you would figure that he would help out in some type of way. Zero contribution on his part. I hate when they try to point out the obvious.