[rainbow8]

The thread on what you haven't told made me think of this. I never thought I would tell T how I feel about some of my family members. I felt too ashamed. I never thought I'd tell her how I feel about my body, and that we'd have sessions about anatomy. Or that I'd tell her specific sexual things. I never thought I'd tell her how I react to the way she looks, and how ashamed I am of that. I never thought I'd sing in my sessions. I never thought I'd say "I love you" to her and be so honest about telling my fears about her hurting me.

[stopdog]

I told the woman she was not unuseful for sitting there when my person was sick and dying.
I never thought I would tell her such a thing because I never thought she would manage to be it.

I have definitely told him things I thought I would never tell him. Nothing I would feel able to post here but I certainly never expected to have the level of trust in him I do to tell him some things.

I told my first T many nasty things in the end when I was mad at him and he never owned the many ways he ***ed up and never acknowledged the lighter criticisms. For example, that he was sloppy (with administrative things like insurance claims and keeping track of session times), dogmatic, insecure, unprofessional, narcissistic, and constantly projecting things upon me that had nothing to do with me. That he was a bad communicator. That he presented a certain image and values in his public media but often did the complete opposite one-on-one, did not walk his talk. That I gradually grew to dislike him and would never want anything to do with him again. I know that I took it a bit too far, but he claimed that the central aspect of his modality is to have clients express and release anger on him. He always took it very defensively and came back with (even childish) emotional reactions and gaslighting. There were a few rounds of these between us. I tend to be a quite assertive but usually polite person, did not find expressing my anger so directly to him healing in any way, made me mostly just disturbed and restless. These interactions with him did make me more aware (I already was to a great extent) of my irritability and emotional reactivity to his kind of "phenotype" though, and it was not first time I had bursts of intense anger in response to the manipulative behavior of people who tend to put themselves in the center of everything but do not take responsibility for their actions and behavior. This T got a far higher dose of direct rage from me than anyone else though. Interestingly, my other T never anything like that. It is really triggered by a certain behavior for me.

General things about my life, I don't think I shared with them anything I thought I never would, but I did not tell them many things. I kinda remained quite composed and selective in this way, just like in my everyday life - this is in part why therapy did not work for me in big ways, I kept the Ts outside of some major walls. I could always trust and let in close friends and peers, even some mentors than therapists - why I concluded in the end there is no point for me in paying people for deep and meaningful interactions. I definitely did not expect myself to say the series of negative things I did to my first T.

[MrsDuckL]

I’ve sometimes found myself surprised at my opinion on something the more I keep talking about it. Not that I’m being untruthful, but the more I’m given the space to talk and actually asked my opinion, the more I realize my own thoughts. I’ve also been surprised at my level of comfort and trust to be able to talk about some really painful memories from the past.

Last week before my session I was admiring a rather impressive house of cards someone has made from my therapist’s business cards. He came to get me and we stood in the lobby and admired it for a minute. I looked up and I ended up blurting out—“I always thought you were taller! We’re the same height?” ( I never noticed before when he walks me to the door.) And my therapist laughed and said yes, and that no one has ever thought of him as tall before (I’m on the taller side for a woman.) So I feel kinda bad about that remark, but he didn’t seem to care.

[DP_2017]

about my desire to be friends with him. it was something i sat on for months and nearly threw up in the office the day i said it.

[rainbow8]

Oh, yeah. I never thought I'd be explicit about what I assumed was feeling sexually aroused in sessions. That hasn't happened in years. Now it's just plain love instead.

[nottrustin]

I never, ever intended to tell T or anybody else about my abuse. I planned that I would take that secret to my grave. It had nothing to do with why I entered therapy or so I thought. I also never dreamed so would ever tell her I was struggling with Alcohol. Partly because I never thought it would be an issues. I rarely ever frank up until s few years ago

[winterblues17]

I don't know about specifics but I never thought I'd be open to the extent I am with another person! Sometimes I do think I've over shared, and wish I could rewind. Most recently I shocked in myself that I told her I'm somewhat attached to her. Not something firstly I ever thought I'd feel, but secondly I can believe I told her.
Most weeks I tend to shock myself in what I say really...

I never thought I'd sing in sessions and I've sung twice now! I also never thought I'd tell her that I hated her but I did over the summer and some other hateful stuff I never dreamed I'd be capable of saying. I guess I also never thought I'd have the cajones to go back after that and face her again and work through it... but I did. And we did. What a trip, this journey to Self.

Oh yeah. That I told her my attachment to her was so strong that it physically hurt sometimes. I still can't believe I blurted that out. Glad I did though so we could work with that too.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

Oh yeah. That I told her my attachment to her was so strong that it physically hurt sometimes. I still can't believe I blurted that out. Glad I did though so we could work with that too.

Curious, how does one actually work through such intense feelings?

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Curious, how does one actually work through such intense feelings?

In my case, it was by talking about them with her. Embarrassingly endlessly it seemed. Talking about them until I was finally able to understand where they came from. It took a long time for me I won't lie. Part of that "long time" was because I couldn't even admit how intense the feelings were to her for quite awhile. But arriving at an understanding of them was the key for me that finally allowed me to come through to the other side of those feelings. (by "endlessly" and "long time" I mean, we just passed the 6 year mark this month.)

I got lucky too - incredibly lucky - that phone call I got one day at work where I could hear the woman's 3 year old in the background (I did a separate post about it) crying and sobbing "But Mommy I just love you SO MUCH!" and recognizing MYSELF, my own feelings about t, in that little boy's overwhelming emotions - was like the proof that I needed so desperately that I indeed did understand and it was after telling t about that phone call and the connection I made and discussing it with her, that's when I finally felt free of them. It was pretty amazing to feel free of the intense longings/feelings for the first time sitting there with her. Like a proverbial bright light shining down or something. I am not even really exagerating that much. i can't spell that word right ever.

[MessyD]

When I first started going, it was mostly because my husband wanted me to go, so most of his questions were answered by "I don't know". That still happens but I have told him things that I didn't think we would talk about. Like some sex stuff, feelings about my relationship that I find horrible, feelings about food and my body. Told him I would want to cry there, while at the beginning it was a hell no. I told him once before a longer break that I would miss him, whaat, I don't say that to people! I have share some private thoughts (mostly by writing and letting him read it) that I thought wouldn't and shouldn't leave my head. And there's still some things that I told myself I wouldn't ever say but I'm becoming more open to sharing it with him and it doesn't seem as terrifying, since so far I survived everything I've shared without the world coming down, and he is still there as well.

[annielovesbacon]

I never thought I would tell T about my eating disorder. First because I thought it was in the past, then after I relapsed this summer, I thought I'd never tell her because I was in a place where I didn't want to get better, I didn't want help.
But I told her. It was super scary and I looked at the floor the whole time and I was feeling so guilty that I never told her this was something from my past. I'm glad I told her though.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I told the woman she was not unuseful for sitting there when my person was sick and dying.
I never thought I would tell her such a thing because I never thought she would manage to be it.

And, as it turned out, telling the woman was a mistake.