My T was talking about his boundaries and I started thinking....

hold on here a moment, what about my boundaries?!

Maybe they should be asking us as well

Mine fortunately has respected the boundaries I've stated, such as not calling me by a certain nickname common for my name.

[Ididitmyway]

Yes and no.

On a formal level, it's a no because, as a service provider, a therapist has to simply inform a potential client about their policies, which address boundaries. If a consumer doesn't like the policies, they are free to go to a different provider of service. They can also ask if a provider can modify policies to better suit their needs, but if a provider refuses to do so, that's just how it is.

On an informal level, there are many things outside of a formal agreement that can be discussed and negotiated between a therapist and a client in order to come to some common ground that works for both. Those might be methods used by a therapist, a therapist's working style, ways to achieve conflict resolution, frequency of sessions, fee alterations and so forth. The needs of both a therapist and a client need to be taken into account in order to establish a collaborative working relationship. This, however, is not always possible. In cases when it isn't possible, it is best to acknowledge it and to change therapists.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by estellanomore

My T was talking about his boundaries and I started thinking....

hold on here a moment, what about my boundaries?!

Maybe they should be asking us as well

Yes, definitely, you should talk about this. The client gets to have boundaries in the same way anybody in an interpersonal interaction does. Sometimes I say no to something or tell my therapist that a certain topic is off-limits right now. It's a very powerful feeling to have a therapist respect your autonomy.

It's a very powerful feeling to have a therapist respect your autonomy

I like the way you said that!

It sounds the opposite of being violated. Abuse was very violating, so this is really important to me.

[InnerPeace111]

Originally Posted by estellanomore

My T was talking about his boundaries and I started thinking....

hold on here a moment, what about my boundaries?!

Maybe they should be asking us as well

I think a conversation regarding boundaries (his boundaries for the therapeutic relationship and your boundaries for whatever / whomever in your life) can be a very fruitful and validating discussion. If he doesn’t ask, you could say something like this: “Remenber that time when you were talking about your boundaries? Today I’d like to talk about my boundaries for _____________.” You could then fill in that blank line with any person and/or situation from your life. Speaking in your own voice about what boundaries you have set for yourself (or have not yet set, or are working on setting, or are having difficulty setting, or wish you could set, or want help with setting, etc.) is important. It matters greatly.

[DP_2017]

i am pretty chill so i don't have much but he has to ask to touch/hug me.... it would freak me out if it was just random

[stopdog]

I told the therapist what mine are (certainly new onesarise after seeing what those guys do at me) and what I expect of them on the phone initial interview or at the first appointment. If they can't follow mine I don't give a fig what theirs are.

[healinginprogress]

We have regular conversations about boundaries for both of us. I think that's good practice for me in the real world. I would be annoyed in my T wasn't interested in talking about my boundaries.

It's certainly something you can and should bring up in your sessions!

[zoiecat]

I see a trauma therapist oh he kind of sets my own boundaries for me in some ways. For example whenever he comes close to me like to get closer for EMDR or something he will always ask if it's okay to come closer. I've told him he doesn't have to ask but he continues to do it. I said one day what if I said no and he said well then I won't come closer. I understand where this would be helpful for some people but it's kind of annoying but I do appreciate his concern.

That being said I'm sure if I ever do bring something up about a boundary that I want him to hold I'm sure he would respect it.

[precaryous]

I don’t remember boundaries being discussed in therapy until after I was exploited by a former psychiatrist. Learning about setting my own boundaries is one of the most important issues we have talked about in therapy. It was vital for me to learn not to just go along with what everyone else expected of me.

I started seeing therapists when I was in my 20’s. I was exploited by a therapist (or two) in my 40’s. Afterward I finally began seeing a good therapist that taught me about boundaries. It amazes me none of my previous therapists talked about it. It would have spared me a lot of heart ache.

Hope you bring it up.