What has been your experiences, if any, with hating your t?

How did you process your feelings?

What helped and what didnt help?

[here today]

I could tolerate my feeling of hate towards my T, which I thought was positive because usually I didn't feel that kind of thing, but my T couldn't. I think she ended up hating me back, told me she didn't have the "emotional resources" to continue seeing me and we terminated.

I've come to believe that hate is a feeling that tends to keep us away from people that we would otherwise be drawn towards, except they have hurt us or not provided something we needed in some way. So it's kind of important to feel, and not numb out. But in the case of my last T I think it was because there was something that I legitimately needed that she couldn't provide, just as my FOO could not provide. And that was accept me for who I am. But my last T really​ couldn't do that, just as the women in my FOO couldn't, and I hadn't dealt with that fact about the women in my FOO. It's very hard, if not impossible, to accept rejection from all the important people in your life, the ones you would otherwise be drawn towards and look up to, if/when you are not really accepted anywhere else. But at this point I feel enough accepted here that I don't need to try another therapist. I've had enough of reenacted rejection. Feeling accepted here has helped me deal with what I didn't have with my FOO, which was reenacted, with same not a different result, in the therapy.

whats a foo?

[here today]

family of origin

Originally Posted by here today

I could tolerate my feeling of hate towards my T, which I thought was positive because usually I didn't feel that kind of thing, but my T couldn't. I think she ended up hating me back, told me she didn't have the "emotional resources" to continue seeing me and we terminated.

I've come to believe that hate is a feeling that tends to keep us away from people that we would otherwise be drawn towards, except they have hurt us or not provided something we needed in some way. So it's kind of important to feel, and not numb out. But in the case of my last T I think it was because there was something that I legitimately needed that she couldn't provide, just as my FOO could not provide. And that was accept me for who I am. But my last T really​ couldn't do that, just as the women in my FOO couldn't, and I hadn't dealt with that fact about the women in my FOO. It's very hard, if not impossible, to accept rejection from all the important people in your life, the ones you would otherwise be drawn towards and look up to, if/when you are not really accepted anywhere else. But at this point I feel enough accepted here that I don't need to try another therapist. I've had enough of reenacted rejection. Feeling accepted here has helped me deal with what I didn't have with my FOO, which was reenacted, with same not a different result, in the therapy.

What you say really speaks to me a lot.

Depends on what the hate is actually about?

[Out There]

That's a good question. The T I had trouble with was not modelling something healthy to be ( like my FOO ) and that's where it starts and follows us throughout our lives. But I think it's important to feel those feelings and grow from them. Life is a series of opportunities to learn and grow but we need to see them. The hurts still serve us on our journey and painful as they are they are still balancing and throw into contrast healthy relationships to look at. I think I probably sound a bit Guru-like there but I've struggled with it myself with many people.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Mouse_62

Depends on what the hate is actually about?

Sometimes you don't know. Or at least I didn't. I had allow it to "be" some before I could know what it was about.

For me it's normally about someone getting to close or not close enough.

I think my own hate comes from unmet needs and even the best T in the world is not going to be able to give you back fully what you lost in childhood

Originally Posted by estellanomore

I think my own hate comes from unmet needs and even the best T in the world is not going to be able to give you back fully what you lost in childhood

Thsts true. Even good enough parents can give us fully what we need. But, a Good T can go a long way to helping us get what we need now.
To be heard, and want to hear us.

[here today]

But a "bad" T, one who gets lost in their own stuff, who can't help it and doesn't really know it themselves -- can do serious additional damage.

What I eventually needed was not just the ability to see fault in myself, but to see "fault" when it was in the therapist -- the "authority", the one I was depending on, etc.

So, it varies. And I don't think there has been enough focus on this latter kind of "change". Since "I", or my nervous system process of dissociation, had turned "off" certain emotional response systems when I was a child, the only way that I could begin regain access to those was to "allow" them "on" when they were elicited by the environment, by the interaction with the therapist. This may not make any sense to someone who is not like me, but I'm really pretty sure this is the way things have worked for me.

[RaineD]

I both love my therapist and hate him.

I believe that these feelings should be processed in therapy, by discussing them with your therapist. There are people on here who don't believe that anything helpful or good can come out of processing one's feelings about one's therapist with the therapist, but I still believe in that model of therapy. I believe that for some people (those with attachment issues, myself included), the whole point of therapy is to process these negative feelings. The feelings of fear, anger, and hatred that could not be processed by the child can now be processed in therapy by the adult, and that's how these childhood wounds can be healed.

That said, I'm not doing a very good job at it. I have a really difficult time discussing my feelings with my therapist. Feelings about other people, no problem. But my feelings about him? Uhhh... So yeah...

[missbella]

I don't believe that the therapy relationship exempts the provider from human courtesy or is a special zone devoid of normal human responses. Social signaling is subtle, and I experienced therapists communicating their "dominance" and "authority" in a variety of ways. The relationship is inherently unequal. The framework of therapy itself gives the client a firehouse of attention and care, but in very time limited doses, which can feel like its own negligence.

It seems largely left to the client to decide whether the hate is a by-product of her own process or whether the therapist's behavior simply is rude or abhorrent.