[Fernwehxx]

Hi everyone,

Ive been wondering for a while....
I'm very attacged to my T and wish we could just be friends and hang out. I look forward to our sessions, I want to hug her, chat with her... I think of her a lot in between sessions, and I'd even like to be there for her. Its not erotic, its that deep, probably somewhat motherly relationship in seeking.

I know many people feel very attached to their T, and in a way, it really helos me to open up and makes my therapy successful.
But, how do you deal with that strong attachment?
Do you just accept it, embrace it, let your T know, try to fight or ignore it?

I dont know if I'm just running into another fantasy, or if its okay, or if I just miss a good friend. But what friend could I really ve that open to without freaking them out?

I'm just rambling now.
Look forward to hearing about your own ways to deal with this.

all of the above over the past 6 years - accept it (or try to), embrace it (or try to), fight it, ignore it, hate it, write about it, cry about it, talk to t about it endlessly it seems, posted about it here all the time....seriously, my attachment to t put me through the wringer..... and I talked about it with t allllll the time, but now I feel like I'm finally through it, glory be, as we are winding down towards ending. Right now we're on a break that I initiated and when I go back, it will be for two maybe 3 sessions to wrap things up.

[DP_2017]

I told mine about my friend desire. He took it fine. In fact we became more chummy like after so its fueled it more. I won't tell him it's gotten worse. I'll just suffer. Too many bad stories. I will never risk going through this again so once I'm done here im done for good. It's awful and they claim you can work though it but I think it makes your feelings seem fake so I don't buy it. Anyway sorry I know how it stinks

[LonesomeTonight]

I have some intense attachment to my marriage counselor. I found that fighting against it made it worse. Talking about it has helped--with both MC and T (and ex-T). I'm certainly not going to say that's totally resolved it...but it's helped.

[winterblues17]

I'm relatively new to the how therapy process and I never even thought attachment exhausted. So when I first started to feel it, I got scared, and it felt almost wrong.
It was a few months in and I can't remember specifics as to what or how, but it kind of just smacked me in the face. Thoughts of 'I really like this person' 'I really miss them' to 'I really need them'
We have talked about it a fair bit over the last couple of months, always an awkward conversation for me to have because I don't like to feel needy and vulnerable, but it has helped to talk about it because if I hadn't I'd have probably felt like I was hiding some sort of 'dirty' secret from her. Which would then make me feel guilty.
Since talking about it I have found some weeks/days are better than others, and I kind of tell myself it's just part of the process. I know not everyone does get attached, but many do, and that's ok. Although does cause a bit of a nightmare with holidays/breaks because I'm ok with getting through the week without seeing her etc, but it does test me when we have to go longer.
I suppose I'm trying to look st it as a learning curve, and its teaching me certain things about myself. Mainly that I do need people in my life and I do care, and probably that I did feel lonely hence the attachment feeling to her.

[TrailRunner14]

Attachment is a major issue with me. Disorganized is painful and so confusing.

There have been many threads about attachment and I’ve read them and thought about it.

There was a post a bit back that I replied to.

There is attachment there but I do not believe that it is to my counselor.

He has been an unbelievable resource for me. He really feels like a big brother to me, even though he’s younger than me.

My attachment is to the safe place that I find when I meet with my counselor.

It not attachments to him, it is attachment to the place where we meet and sort this dysfunction put.

It’s an attachment to safety.

I’ve struggled too with wondering what I was going to do when that was gone.

My heart tells me that we are growing and getting stronger. There will come a time that we feel strong enough to be strong for ourselves.

It does make my heart sad for now because of where I’m at right now.

I just want to walk it out one step at a time and not worry about being fearful.

I’m safe for now.

[Fernwehxx]

I really want to fully live it. I want to adore her, want her, miss her, tell her how much she means to me... But I don't dare. Fear of rejection is a huge thing for me.

I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, but I don't want to stop it. Its as if shed become that importbt to me that I can't stand the thought of not being that attached to her.
I just wobder if thats ok, or if its bad. I tend to hide in my illness, to hide from the world, and maybe this is part of it.
Or maybe its just normal that I long for a bond. I am married, tho, so I sometimes tell myself my hubby should be that person. But. I think it's related to a frmale person I need, luke a close friend, one strong enough to hold me when I fall, maybe more like a mom who feeds my emotional side more than mine did?

In a way, all I want to hear that its okay. Id love to hear it from her, but I dont know if I am able to tell her...

How did you tell?

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T and I talk about my attachment to her. She knows that I never want to lose her, that I love her, etc. We've even talked about me wanting to be friends with her. She said we can't be friends. That I don't need to worry about her burdens, that she's there for me. I find it helps to talk about it.

[PinkyDoo]

Originally Posted by Fernwehxx

I really want to fully live it. I want to adore her, want her, miss her, tell her how much she means to me... But I don't dare. Fear of rejection is a huge thing for me.

In a way, all I want to hear that its okay. Id love to hear it from her, but I dont know if I am able to tell her...

How did you tell?

Exactly!! Like what you said, I was just going about my business and this transference thing slapped me in the face. I never even heard of it before. I fretted, googled, googled and googled, worried and thought about it endlessly. Everything I read said to tell, but I was afraid. Even though I knew she was super compassionate and after 25 years of experience, she's probably seen it before, and would most likely be ok with it, I was still afraid.

I did it, though. I wrote the things that I wanted to talk to her about on a post-it note that I read at my last session (like literally a week ago) I did not reveal the depth of my feelings for her, though. What I said was "I think I'm feeling transference" I told her how one day I found myself thinking about her a lot and I wondered what was going on with me, so I googled it, and found out that what I was feeling had a name. I also told her that I've never felt comfortable with a therapist before, or opened up so much as with her, nor have I stuck with therapy for any length of time. She was totally fine with it, explained how normal it is (which I knew) and then we moved on to something else that I wanted to talk about.

Telling her sort of lessoned that overwhelming feeling. Like putting it on the table took some of that emotion away. It's still there but not as strong. I journal, and I write about my feelings. Getting it out this way also also seems to help. The feeling gets stronger as my appointment approaches until the day-of, when I get butterflies. I see her, it goes away and so on.

Tell her.

[stopdog]

The woman was simply a stranger I paid rent to every week. I didn't know anything about her. She said some things, but whether they were true or not I have no idea

[GeminiNZ]

Mostly i deal with it in a disorganised, fearful, messy kind of way. But T says that's understandable given my history (20 years of abuse at the hands of both parents).

[TrailRunner14]

This has been something that I’ve questioned and wondered about for myself.

It’s really hard for me to put words to and describe for myself.

When I first started sorting all this out, I burned my counselors email up. He was my only safe place and I had just realized what a “safe place” was. I’m really embarrassed about all the emails I sent him.

As I’ve gotten stronger and more of my little ones have found safety, I don’t feel like I have to have that as much.

Actually, what I think is safety for me is the time I am with him and the place. I don’t know if that makes sense.

For some reason it feels better in a way that I can become stronger and do this for myself if it’s a “that” instead of a person.

That sounds weird but it’s how I look at attachment.

Attachment is scary to me. Disorganized attachment can’t see things reasonably I guess.

Sorry.

Rambling.