[Marsfx]

So I am in therapy since June, and been seeing and been seeing a psych since June of last year. I went to therapy because of my psych was leaving, and initially when seeing her I told her I just wanted med management, and maybe therapy later on.
I can manage my mental illness alone, and have but wanted to go after a creative career I was actually interested in. And to have genuine friendships with people and actually connect to them.

My roommate and I have been friends going on 2 years, roommates for about 9 months. However she has avoidant behavior, and would rather pretend everything is alright. I wrote a letter this passed weekend allowing myself to be my most vulnerable, after it felt like she'd been dodging me for the past 2 weeks. She's avoided me before but usually it was after a small incident, like when I mentioned she left food and dishes in the sink... but then avoided me for several days after, then stayed at her exes for a few weeks. They had a fight she came back, and didn't really talk about it. And I didn't know how to talk about it. I like to avoid conflict too, but the difference is eventually I'll try to approach the situation head on but at the same time not in a negative confrontational manner because I have anxiety, dealing with depression. It's hard trying to communicate through my stuff and hers.
But yeah I hoped she'd want to talk after getting it, but she sent a reply that was basically a "everything is okay, just been busy not avoiding me, sorry this what i've been up to, everything is A-Ok" but in a long text without getting into the details, and she stayed away from the more serious emotional parts.

I wanted to talk when I got home, but she was still avoiding me she was on a call, when I first got home and when she got the chance headed straight to her room and closed the door. I felt super anxious, and went for a jog but texted her I wanted to talk in person. I do not want to corner her. If she weren't my friend, I'd have no problem just banging on her door to talk about rent or something if they were avoiding me. I feel like if I force her to talk when she's making obvious actions to avoid me she'll just be on defense the entire time.
When what I want to talk about her why she feels she can't be open or vulnerable with me, if she's afraid of my reaction and stuff.

This morning I woke up after a stressful looping dream. Where it's like I wake up am late for work, and am rushing the worse that can happen, does then i finally wake up and I'm late for work again, or something else has.
I went and talked to the manager, she hasn't payed her share of rent, didn't pay what she owed from last month either...

I guess it's just hard to keep from going into a negative mood. Like I'd like to believe she's just struggling and finds it hard to admit, but will. And not that she's just a selfish person, I don't even like to let my mind think on that. And try to keep believing in the best of someone I consider a friend. It's easier to believe she's just in a her own hard situation and doesn't know how to reach out, then to accept that maybe she just doesn't want to be that close of friends with me or using me or something. I'm just venting I guess until we talk once she gets off work today.

Edit: Sorry too many tabs open, can a mod move this to the relationships board?