Part of my dream.

T's room has one side full of books. I've always sat talking to the books, rarely looking at T even after all this time.
I know how many books are on each shelf. I know if she's taken one and not put it back in its place.
In the dream, I'm looking at T's books and large gaps appear. The feeling of shock I feel at this gets repeated over and over. I tell T this bit first and she says "the books are important to you, the cracks are what happened over and over with your mother."
Then I tell her that in the dream, she, T laughs and denied that anything is wrong with the books.
T says "I've turned against you in the dream, like your mother when she changed and she denied she has and says it's you that's wrong. The constant never knowing just when the cracks in her would happen was terrifying and destabilising"

Shes right about the books being important to me. They are what I use to manage the therapitic relationship. The books are safer than people.