[hopealwayz]

I still have to find a new psychiatrist though.

I’ve been depressed the last few days. The pharmacist who had originally said that he would go to coffee with me next October got angry at me over something.

If I leave him alone until next October and give things a chance to cook off, is there any possibility that he may still go to coffee with me?

[hopealwayz]

I’ve also been trying to find coping tools to deal with a broken heart.

[hopealwayz]

I’m going to build walls around my heart and never let anyone in again.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I still have to find a new psychiatrist though.

I’ve been depressed the last few days. The pharmacist who had originally said that he would go to coffee with me next October got angry at me over something.

If I leave him alone until next October and give things a chance to cook off, is there any possibility that he may still go to coffee with me?

That depends on what you did that caused him to get angry. Can you give us more information? What was he angry about?

[hopealwayz]

He was on vacation for a month and since he wasn’t my Facebook friend, I couldn’t message him. But I messaged his brother to ask him if he would have him call me.

[hopealwayz]

I would like to explain things but I’m scared to try to call him.

[hopealwayz]

I have a letter for him. Maybe I can ask my therapist to read it to him.

[hopealwayz]

I’m so hurt over this.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

He was on vacation for a month and since he wasn’t my Facebook friend, I couldn’t message him. But I messaged his brother to ask him if he would have him call me.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to message/call the pharmacist’s family members. That’s an invasion of his privacy and probably scared him and his family. Since the pharmacist is not your friend, it’s not appropriate to contact him or his family through social media. That isn’t the place for his clients to check up on him. I think the best thing you can do is leave the pharmacist alone and give him some space. If you can’t respect his boundaries (a year apart), then he won’t feel safe having coffee with you a year from now. You don’t need to explain anything to him; just give him space and time. If you contact him or his family any more and they feel scared, they will have to get a restraining order and you don’t want that. Show him that you can respect his boundaries so you can leave open the possibility of contact next year.

[rainbow8]

I think it would be helpful to tell your new T about your pharmacist and the distress you are having because of him. I hope you like the new T.

[zoiecat]

Hope, what happened to the pdoc you said you saw on Nov 20? I know you are in a lot of emotional pain over the pharmacist. I really hope you will stick with this new T. It seems like you are looking for that magical soul mate T and they never seem to live up to what you are looking for so you keep jumping from one to another. I do hope you can try to stick it out long enough with this one so that you can actually make some peogress on your issues. This obsession with the pharmacist is going too far. You have to leave him alone. Frankly, at this point he has every right to get a restraining order against you. Please think about this because I know that would only cause you more distress.

I know you will do what you feel is right. I only said what I did out of care for you. So many of us see you struggling with the same issues consistently and we just want you to feel better. As hard as it may seem right now, continuing to pursue the pharmacist as you have is not going to have good results.

[SalingerEsme]

I second the idea it is time to cut all ties with the pharmacist and throw away everything that makes you think about him. I am worried you are going to get in trouble, like for stalking, even though you mean well to the pharmacist. There is a really good book by Gavin De Becker called The Gift Of Fear, and it talks about what it is like from th pharamcist's side. I know once you find the right therapist for you, you can explore all this and then learn what you want in a real relationship.

Have you ever read back through your previous postings here and tried to identify some patterns or draw some parallels?

[Crook32]

I am confused so sorry if I have it wrong. I thought the manager of the pharmacy already said you should get your prescriptions elsewhere and not come back.

if i were the guy, i would probably not get over it for a very long time, you have been overstepping boundaries with him for a long time. it was very inappropriate to contact his family member. its too obsessive for my taste. As someone well known, I have had people do that to me, and even when they do mean well, it is extremely creepy and off-putting.

Do you ever seriously consider and respect the other person's side, hope? Based on your reports over quite some months, you don't seem to. Why do you expect them to consider your side and wishes, if you don't respect theirs? Why do you expect us to validate your feelings and acts on this forum?

[growlycat]

Please let us know how it goes with the new therapist. I tend to get really attached to ts as well but as time goes on it is clear that they are only human and just muck along like the rest of us. That doesn’t mean they can’t be helpful.

I hope that you can keep your heart open. Just cast a wider net and try not to rely on any one outcome.

[zoiecat]

I hope everything goes well at your appointment today Hope. Go there with an open mind and give them a chance. Therapy is the key to working through your issues. It requires hard, painful work but hopefully you can find peace and happiness on the other side.

[AllHeart]

It seems what is to be a non-judgmental mental health support forum is exactly a place for hope to have her feelings validated. Validating how someone feels in no way equates to condoning or condemning ones actions.

Hope, I’m sorry you are struggling. I hope Things work out for you soon.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

How did it go Hope? How are you doing?

[seeker33]

I'm also interested in how are you doing, Hope. Please let us know.

I wouldn't send him a letter with an explanation. He doesn't want contact at least for about a year - respect that.

If I were in your situation, I would be having trouble, too - you idealize him, want to be close to him, and now he doesn't want contact. I think a long explanation would only affirm to him that you don't respect his boundaries.
I might consider sending him a Christmas card - just a short message saying /I won't bother you again. Hope/ and leave it at that.

If you ever want to have contact with him again, or have that coffee, you need to show him you respect his boundaries. So don't talk to him. Don't message him. Find another pharmacy. Then maybe in a year or so, send him a letter with an explanation, mention you would still like to have that coffee, and leave the rest up to him.

Please be safe.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Breadfish

I might consider sending him a Christmas card - just a short message saying /I won't bother you again. Hope/ and leave it at that.

I would not send a Xmas card. It would be inappropriate to send it to the pharmacy, as you have been asked not to go there/communicate with them. And if you looked up his home address to send it to, that would violate his privacy and probably scare him. The best way you can show him you will respect his boundary of no contact is to actually go no contact— not find “excuses” to violate his boundaries. I know it’s hard. Hopefully your new therapist can serve as a support person to give you the outlet that you need. How did the appointment go? I hope you are doing well.