[confused_77]

I feel hooked, addicted and rely on the weekly meeting like on nothing else. Just to know that I'll be able to address my worries/issues, discuss them with someone in length is my fix. I do however think that dissecting everything is not necessary that good for me. When I wasn't in therapy I wouldn't pay such close attention to how I feel and I would be more present. Does awarness really make me happier? I don't think so!
The shame of transference is another issue. Someone listens to you and is nice to you so you want them to like you and you want to get to know them too. simple as that... but somehow is therapy the natural curiosity is not allowed, the boundaries are artificially set and those boundaries cause so much pain and distress.al
Anyone has any thoughts on that?

[feileacan]

What do you mean by saying that in therapy the natural curiosity is not allowed? In my opinion and experience it's totally the opposite - in therapy the natural curiosity is vastly encouraged.

Or perhaps you mean that natural curiosity about the therapist person and life is not allowed? I don't think it is not allowed - the therapist personal life is just irrelevant in the context of your therapy. I would guess that the natural curiosity to understand why you need to know things about your therapist (or anything that relates to you for that matter) would still be very much encouraged.

Regarding to boundaries, I find it a paradox. Strict boundaries can cause pain and distress because they force you to experience the missing of something important. At the same not having these boundaries would be a total disaster to the whole therapy and most probably also for you as a person.

Originally Posted by confused_77

I feel hooked, addicted and rely on the weekly meeting like on nothing else. Just to know that I'll be able to address my worries/issues, discuss them with someone in length is my fix. I do however think that dissecting everything is not necessary that good for me. When I wasn't in therapy I wouldn't pay such close attention to how I feel and I would be more present. Does awarness really make me happier? I don't think so!
The shame of transference is another issue. Someone listens to you and is nice to you so you want them to like you and you want to get to know them too. simple as that... but somehow is therapy the natural curiosity is not allowed, the boundaries are artificially set and those boundaries cause so much pain and distress.al
Anyone has any thoughts on that?

Here's my experience in case it is helpful (but maybe everyone is different). When I first went to therapy--I was very depressed. The therapy MAY have helped pull me out of my depression by making me less isolated--the rent-a-friend thing. I do not know for sure.

When I came out of my depression I was feeling attached which I found weird and embarrassing (you are not alone) but I was able to become unattached by spreading my sessions out. For me, if I start feeling attached, I can fix it by seeing my T less often--it may not work for everyone but if you haven't tried this then see if it works for you. My T set boundaries and I appreciated it because I thought--"It she didn't have boundaries, would my attachment have been worse?." Maybe boundaries are good but therapy can really get weird sometimes for some...

I talked about some painful things and wondered afterwards--was it really necessary for my recovery to talk about them? I am not sure if it was healing or a distraction from the present or just confusion (and unnecessary because the incidents happened a long time ago?). I just don't know but try not to talk about the distant past as much anymore (unless it's happy )

I DO think I have had a tendency to bury my painful emotions most of my life to the point of not recognizing how I am feeling. It IS necessary to recognize and dissect how you are feeling in the PRESENT. Therapy helped me do this more. I never enjoyed writing and because of therapy, I now really enjoy writing. Writing can be great therapy and it is free! So while I am unsure about how beneficial some of the things that occurred during therapy were--I am sure that my first T did teach me to spend more time examining my life rather than being on autopilot (unaware of how my emotions were effecting me and others).

So my thought--if you are feeling uncomfortable about therapy--take a break, quit, or change your T? It all depends on why you are going and what you want to accomplish. Think, discuss here, and write to figure out what you want to get out of therapy? Usually we go to therapy because we want to change something about our current life. Change starts within....

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

For some people, it is necessary to focus on themselves more to get better.

For example for me, I was always aware of my worries and issues. But I had no freaking idea how to just accept them and let them be, while functioning normally. Focusing on the issues in a kind of structured way helped a lot with that.

I think that therapy in that sense is not for everyone. Different kinds of therapy work for different people. And for some people it doesn't work at all. If you feel like it doesn't work or even hurts you, I'd say check out some different styles, and if you are still unhappy even stop completely, if possible.

Also with transference, I think it depends a whole lot on the client. Take again me as an example. Of course I like my T, I think he is the greatest thing that has happened to me in forever. But honestly, I couldn't care less about him as a person, and I'd not take it well at all if I learned more about him (or rather about anyone else in his life, so his family and friends). I like the boundaries and feel that they keep me safe. I don't have to worry about my T, I can talk about what I want, leave, and not feel like I should have at least asked if he's fine. The boundaries have never caused me distress. Also, I feel like natural curiosity is allowed. Although I never ask questions about his personal life or view on something, from how he talks about different topics, I know he'd answer basic questions (such as: I know he has kids since he sometimes mentions them, so questions about their age or how many he has I'm pretty sure he'd answer).

[feileacan]

Originally Posted by confused_77

The shame of transference is another issue. Someone listens to you and is nice to you so you want them to like you and you want to get to know them too. simple as that...

I personally see it as an opportunity rather than an issue. Why would you need to feel ashamed about your tender feelings? Once I threw at my T "You like be being attached to you, don't you" and he responded "I see attachment as a bargain and parcel of life" and that made a whole lot of sense to me.

I would think that relationships are rarely perfectly symmetric, always there is one partner who needs the other one more. Also, everybody needs someone to listen to them, even your therapist. Obviously it is not you who should listen to her because otherwise she couldn't act as your therapist but you can be sure that she needs someone too and probably her relationship with that someone isn't perfectly symmetric either.

Another aspect is to want your therapist to like you. What is fascinating for me in the therapeutic relationship is the understanding that it is an opportunity to discover parts of myself that other people as well as myself wouldn't necessarily like at all. My T might not like these parts of me either, but the good thing is that it doesn't change anything in our relationship because it is not based on mutual liking. I think it is in that sense very much like parent-child relationship - I don't necessarily like everything about my son but that doesn't change anything between us, I love him regardless.

[Mike_J]

I also feel a bit dependent on therapy, or specially my therapist, but that translates to therapy because that is our only contact. I have recently been cut back to every other week, has been a struggle to not feel somewhat rejected. This has only been for a couple of months, so we will see how it goes, do find myself thinking about her a lot more than I did before we cut back on sessions.