Is my therapist pushing me too hard? Is it ok what she said? Am I just overthinking?

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 12, 2018, 10:34 PM

Today in therapy I told my therapist something I thought that was going on with a friendship of mine , and then she sort of didn't believe me and said that I was most likely wrong and asked me what made me believe that and I do admit that I tend to overthink everything ... After that I didn't really want to talk about the issue anymore , and she said it didn't matter , that I had to , that I was throwing a tantrum by bringing it in and then not wanting to talk about it (I felt she was almost mad , like she was very different from what she usually is)... I was like whaatt... to be honest I felt uncomfortable, I felt she was telling me off and then she started lecturing me as if I was a kid of hers. Is this okay ? Is she a good therapist? Is this good for my own progress ? Should I get another therapist? Is she pushing me too hard ? What should I do ? Or am I again overthinking everything?

DP_2017 · Jan 12, 2018, 10:49 PM

Wow, well I surely would not tolerate that, you are supposed to feel non judged, supported and safe in therapy.

Sorry this happened

kecanoe · Jan 12, 2018, 11:02 PM

I would not appreciate being lectured by a T.

As for your other questions, it really depends on how long you have been seeing her and how the both of you usually operate. It sounds like you raised an issue and then didn't like her response. I think many Ts would want the client to finish a topic and might push some for that.

But I would not like being told that I was throwing a tantrum-unless that was what was going on and the T and I had a longstanding relationship.

How long have you been seeing this T?

velcro003 · Jan 12, 2018, 11:11 PM

My initial reaction is that I would be really upset if my T did that. There have been MANY times where my T tried to go deeper into some topic and I told her "Nope. I am done talking about that now," and she let me change the subject. Always.

and the throwing a tantrum bit?! Oh HELL no!

All of this is to say I have no idea if your T is a good T or not. How long have you been seeing her? Is this just a one-off bad session? Have there been other times where you felt like she has missed the mark?

Mine missed it greatly last session, and I left really angry without really knowing why. I wrote her an e-mail after telling her I was angry and upset and I wasn't sure why. She wrote back apologizing for pushing something on me, and owned up to what ended up being an "off" session.

Her apology is exactly what I needed, and I know I can go in next week and we'll talk about it and it will be okay.

Jan 12, 2018, 11:11 PM

I think it depends on the therapist's relationship with the client...what style of therapy they use, and how long you two have seen each other. Some people like to be pushed out of their comfort zone, others don't. I am sorry that you felt lectured by her.

Amyjay · Jan 12, 2018, 11:32 PM

So basically she invalidated you and then blamed you for feeling invalidated. Some people might like their therapists to treat them that way. I don't. It sounds like you don't either.
There are plenty of therapists out there and every single one of them has a different style and the potential for a different connection with you. If this was a one-off and you generally click with her you might like to try and work it out with her. If you don't really feel much of a connection with her anyway you might like to see if you can find a different therapist.
The choice and control is yours.

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 12, 2018, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Wow, well I surely would not tolerate that, you are supposed to feel non judged, supported and safe in therapy.

Sorry this happened

Yeah , it sort of threw me off , especially because she knows I struggle with opening up and fear being judged . Maybe it's time for me to work on that , but I feel this wasn't the best way to do so

Thank you!! Take care

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I would not appreciate being lectured by a T.

As for your other questions, it really depends on how long you have been seeing her and how the both of you usually operate. It sounds like you raised an issue and then didn't like her response. I think many Ts would want the client to finish a topic and might push some for that.

But I would not like being told that I was throwing a tantrum-unless that was what was going on and the T and I had a longstanding relationship.

How long have you been seeing this T?

We worked together five years ago for like a year and a half. I decided to go back six months ago, and we have been working together again since then. Yes , that's pretty much what happened (I didn't really like her response and wanted to close the topic) , I guess that as you said she wanted to finish it and pushed . I just didn't like the way she did it.

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

My initial reaction is that I would be really upset if my T did that. There have been MANY times where my T tried to go deeper into some topic and I told her "Nope. I am done talking about that now," and she let me change the subject. Always.

and the throwing a tantrum bit?! Oh HELL no!

All of this is to say I have no idea if your T is a good T or not. How long have you been seeing her? Is this just a one-off bad session? Have there been other times where you felt like she has missed the mark?

Mine missed it greatly last session, and I left really angry without really knowing why. I wrote her an e-mail after telling her I was angry and upset and I wasn't sure why. She wrote back apologizing for pushing something on me, and owned up to what ended up being an "off" session.

Her apology is exactly what I needed, and I know I can go in next week and we'll talk about it and it will be okay.

I had seen her before (five years ago) for like a year , but recently I have been seeing her for half a year. I think it's just a one-off bad session, it had never happened to me before. Even though I do struggle with opening myself I had felt quite comfortable in therapy; she would find ways for me to talk about what bothered me eventually , and I had never felt she had missed the mark before. From the start of this therapy , she seemed a bit worn off and different , but I didn't pay much attention to it. I didn't like the way she tried to help me , and I would like to bring up how I felt next session, however I don't know if I will be able...
I'm really glad you could tell her and worked out a solution , was it hard ??

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 12:31 AM

Yes , I often struggle with getting out of my comfort zone , and I really have to work on that , thank you !!

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 12:36 AM

Yeah, I don't like to be treated that way either. I want to believe this was just a one-off , it had never happened before so, I will see how next therapy goes and maybe try to bring up how I felt...

Jan 13, 2018, 12:54 AM

My therapist can push me realyyhard, sometimes like that, and I find it really helful.
But of that doesnt work for you, let your T know.

Jan 13, 2018, 03:09 AM

I think reality testing is a common part of therapy.
But are you saying she actually used the word "tantrum" or you felt thats what she was saying?
A therapist should be equipped to use termiology that helps understand why certain defences come into play.
If she doesn't have the level of understanding then I'd think about findings sometime who has more therapeutic knowledge.
I guess only you know what terminology was used.

toomanycats · Jan 13, 2018, 09:57 AM

There is no "have to." You always have a choice.
However, it IS her job to point out that you brought something up and then refused to talk about it. That's typically indicative of something. A better question from her would be "Do you want to tell me why you don't want to talk about it? What are the thoughts and feelings coming up that brought you to this decision?"

healinginprogress · Jan 13, 2018, 10:43 AM

Not to completely detail from your questions. But when my therapist seemed "different" it was because she has stuff going on at home. When she dealt with it she was back to her normal self (it was 2 concurrent sessions that she seemed off).

With that said. If what your T did doesn't work for you, absolutely bring it up and talk about it. Depending on how she responds will really give you a lot of answers.

velcro003 · Jan 13, 2018, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparklingdance84

I'm really glad you could tell her and worked out a solution , was it hard ??

i avoid confrontation of any kind, but i feel cool comfortable enough with her to at least say I was angry (in an email, i doubt i could tell her face to face), and know she wouldn’t be defensive. Also, I didn’t specifically say i was mad AT her, just that i was angry. she apologized anyway.

Albatross2008 · Jan 13, 2018, 12:53 PM

It works best when there is a good therapist/client match. I don't take well to being "disciplined" like a child. Any therapist who accuses me of having a tantrum, and lectures and scolds me, would quickly be replaced by a different therapist.

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 05:41 PM

[QUOTE=Mouse_62;5977562]I think reality testing is a common part of therapy.
But are you saying she actually used the word "tantrum" or you felt thats what she was saying?
A therapist should be equipped to use termiology that helps understand why certain defences come into play.
If she doesn't have the level of understanding then I'd think about findings sometime who has more therapeutic knowledge.
I guess only you know what terminology was used.[/QUOTE

She did use the word tantrum, it had never happened before , and I want to believe it's a one-off. I didn't like it, but fine it's already in the past. I will see how next session goes. You are right , reality testing is common and maybe important part of therapy , so I guess I'll try to be more open

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My therapist can push me realyyhard, sometimes like that, and I find it really helful.
But of that doesnt work for you, let your T know.

I'll see how next session goes but I feel uncomfortable again, I will bring it up. Thank you!!

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toomanycats

There is no "have to." You always have a choice.
However, it IS her job to point out that you brought something up and then refused to talk about it. That's typically indicative of something. A better question from her would be "Do you want to tell me why you don't want to talk about it? What are the thoughts and feelings coming up that brought you to this decision?"

Yess!! I would have preferred that type of approach. Now I can see she was trying to point it out, but I think she didn't do it in a way that works for me. Thank you!!

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

i avoid confrontation of any kind, but i feel cool comfortable enough with her to at least say I was angry (in an email, i doubt i could tell her face to face), and know she wouldn’t be defensive. Also, I didn’t specifically say i was mad AT her, just that i was angry. she apologized anyway.

I will see how next session goes , however I don't think I can tell her face to face about last therapy , unless I feel uncomfortable again. Thank you for your support !

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 06:04 PM

I don't like it either , but I will see how next sessions goes

Rose76 · Jan 13, 2018, 06:10 PM

I'ld have a problem with her using the word "tantrum." Sounds like she was releasing some pent up resentment . . . like she sees you as willful and has been wanting to voice that, even prior to this exchange.

I can't draw big conclusions on just this info. But therapists can be out of line, as can anyone. It's not wrong to practice assertiveness in the therapist's office. I'ld probably come right out and say that I don't find it constructive to be talked down to. Then I'ld ask her if there is some larger issue she'ld like to address.

If she can't even consider that she may have mishandled the exchange, then she may be a very willful person, herself. Therapy that descends into a war of wills probably isn't going anywhere productive.

Jan 13, 2018, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparklingdance84

Today in therapy I told my therapist something I thought that was going on with a friendship of mine , and then she sort of didn't believe me and said that I was most likely wrong and asked me what made me believe that and I do admit that I tend to overthink everything ... After that I didn't really want to talk about the issue anymore , and she said it didn't matter , that I had to , that I was throwing a tantrum by bringing it in and then not wanting to talk about it (I felt she was almost mad , like she was very different from what she usually is)... I was like whaatt... to be honest I felt uncomfortable, I felt she was telling me off and then she started lecturing me as if I was a kid of hers. Is this okay ? Is she a good therapist? Is this good for my own progress ? Should I get another therapist? Is she pushing me too hard ? What should I do ? Or am I again overthinking everything?

Run for the Door
Bad therapists do one of two things

1) make you commit suicide

2) commit you to an institution for the rest of your life

Jan 13, 2018, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arbie

It works best when there is a good therapist/client match. I don't take well to being "disciplined" like a child. Any therapist who accuses me of having a tantrum, and lectures and scolds me, would quickly be replaced by a different therapist.

I totally agree in a NY minute

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