[RiseNRoll]

Hello,

Over the course of my therapy, many things have changed. I don't hang out with people I used to, I don't go at the places I used to go and many more things. Yet some of the transitions have been very problematic, even more than I expected them to be. For example my friends. I have been with my friends for more than 10 years (I'm 28), with some I have even grew up with (same schools etc). However, I have come to a point that I had to admit that none of these friendships have been authentic and healthy to me. I just decided that its better for me if I avoid being around those people as much as possible. It seems that we have had an inter-depended relationship but none of us was able to see this. Well, I decided, unlike them, to work with myself and I have been able to observe and examine my relationship with them and really I have been blind all along. I should have gone a lot earlier.

Anyway, I've got one of those boys that I still accept to see because I know that he is different than the rest of them. And here he comes yesterday and tells me that all the others are judging me. They underestimate and dis-value my actions. I was listening to the dude telling me that they think that I have gotten crazy because I have isolated myself from them. It is true that I don't answer their calls and neither I give them any explanations on why I don't. I have cut myself away gradually without any significant event taking place and it is natural that it has made them very wondrous about what happened. In my eyes though, things were never as good as we pretended to be. What value does a friendship has when it is not able to shelter and nurture the full spectrum of feelings in life but does only accept the positive ones. I personally felt that I was never able to be myself and express my authentic feelings without being judged in all these years. Anyway, I went to work today morning and I was VERY angry with what I heard from my friend yesterday. I was struggling to focus and I was filled with feelings of hate and revenge. I was thinking that I wanna go find them and fight them. I couldn't stop the overthinking.

These people are very significant parts of my life and they are fighting me more than ever at a moment where I try to finally settle my life. I don't know how to deal with this!

[Anne2.0]

I've had the experience fairly recently that I needed to leave some friendships because they didn't nurture and support me. People are often hurt and angry by what they perceive as rejection and I didn't find any substitute to just stopping the contact. And I think your "friend" telling you what other people saying is also a messed up dynamic. I have asked other people to not tell me these kinds of thing and stopped seeing them if they didn't.

[Moment]

You describe these people as "significant," but they are not that significant to you now, are they? I mean, you describe them as "fighting" you, but the fact is you have moved on with your life and moved to a different place. People change, friendships change or evolve or lessen over time.

These people may feel threatened by your lack of need for them, or rejected, or hurt, or whatever. But the important thing is that you take care of you. You say you don't know how to deal with this, but I think you do know. You do as you have done, and avoid being around these people as much as possible.

I wonder about your one friend and whether this person is as different as you think. Why is he telling you this stuff that people are saying? It doesn't sound very supportive to me. If you want to hang out with him just say, "I'm not so interested in what they think, thanks," and move on to a different subject.

Therapy seems like a good place to explore why the opinions of these people seem to matter so much to you, even though you don't feel your friendship with them was authentic.

Think I'd just strug my shoulders.
Some you win, some you lose.