[UglyDucky]

Yup, this looks like a grammar lesson. Sorry. But I would be interested in learning what others think the difference is when your T says, "I care about you" or "I care for you." On the surface, 'caring for a client' sounds like a declaration of something akin to love. If that's what it sounds like to you, then what is the T saying when they say they 'care about you'?

I think there's a difference and 'caring for' someone is not necessarily a declaration of love. But I can't seem to put my finger on what's meant if a T 'cares for' a client....?

Thanks to all who take up this challenge!

[Argonautomobile]

"care for" can imply action - you care for a baby or sick person by feeding them, making sure they're dressed and clean, etc. "Care about" refers more to emotion exclusively.

"She cares for her elderly mother" makes you think she lives with her mom and helps her with activities of daily living.

"She cares about her elderly mother" does not make you think that.

If one's t says either thing, best to go directly to the t for clarification/expansion.

[AllHeart]

Hmmmm...I care about you sounds more personal and meaningful. I care for you seems like there May be a condition attached or something. Idk. It’s like someone saying I have love for you. Ok, so if you truly have love for me than why not just say I love you. Almost like the use of the word for is a roundabout way of having to say something that you don’t quite mean. Disclaimer: These are just MY feelings. That doesn’t mean someone’s t who does use the word for feels the same way.

Caring about someone or for someone can be rather ambiguous.

When I was a teen, I once said to a person... you dont care do you (in relation to me).... and they said that they cared what the weather was going to be like tomorrow.....ouch..

Caring means different things to different people. Im sure some therapists care about their clients in a simar fashion as a dentist cares for their clients. Out of sight out of mind...

[fille_folle]

Caring about and caring for in this context sound the same to me.

[stopdog]

I don't want a therapist caring at all.

[Argonautomobile]

Maybe the therapist cares AT you, SD.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Maybe the therapist cares AT you, SD.

At would be the only possibility but I still hope the woman did not even do that.

[fille_folle]

After more thought, care for sounds less personal to me. It reminds me of being taught as a child that if I didn't like a food or activity, I should say I didn't care for it, rather than that I didn't like it or hated it (which sounds pretty pompous coming from a child, but whatever). In that context, care for meant general approbation, not a specific inclination.

But for T's, I can see many using these expressions interchangeably.

I think another question could be....

does your t care about you as a client AND as a person? Is there a difference?

My T once said somethng like I would miss you if you quit. I said that you'd feel the same about all your clients. Then he said well I would miss you as a person then.

[LonesomeTonight]

My marriage counselor has specifically said, on multiple occasions, "I care about you" (or in one case "I genuinely care about you"). I took that to mean he cares about me as a person. I had said to him at one point that he only cares because we pay him. He said we could pay him to do his job, but we can't pay him to care. As in, he chooses to care. When discussing termination, I said I worried that, if we terminated, there would be one less person who cared about me. He said that wasn't the case, that he'd still care. So that suggests it's about me as a person, not just as a client (though I doubt he would have said, "Yep, when the money stops flowing, I stop caring!")

When I mentioned to T those fears about MC no longer caring about me once we terminate, he said he doubted that would be the case. How for him, with former clients, he doesn't think about them as often because he isn't seeing them regularly, but he still cares. That suggests to me that he cares about his clients as people, too. (I've never directly asked if he cares about me--seemed too soon to ask that, as it's only been a little over 4 months, but I can tell that he does.)

[TheWell]

My therapist said that he cares about what happens to me. I always thought that wording was a little odd.

To me, caring for sounds more conditional. You care about me all the time and you care for me only when you are worried about me.

[junkDNA]

He says I care about you or I care about you very much

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by TheWell

My therapist said that he cares about what happens to me. I always thought that wording was a little odd.

Mine said I don't want anything bad to happen to you . I wanted to say umm too late

Or maybe ask, does the T value the work you Both do.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't want a therapist caring at all.

Thanks for putting things into perspective! Caring does make a mess of situations much of the time....

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

He says I care about you or I care about you very much

I'm so glad he cares about you! Keep that in mind, esp. during the hard times.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

"care for" can imply action - you care for a baby or sick person by feeding them, making sure they're dressed and clean, etc. "Care about" refers more to emotion exclusively.

"She cares for her elderly mother" makes you think she lives with her mom and helps her with activities of daily living.

"She cares about her elderly mother" does not make you think that.

If one's t says either thing, best to go directly to the t for clarification/expansion.

Good ideas and explanation. I originally thought the opposite. My T asked me if I believed he cared about me? (we were talking about the people in my life I could say loved me) I said, yes, I thought he cared about me. Then I smiled and said, "You're always so careful. We were talking about love."

Thanks for your thoughts....very helpful.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Hmmmm...I care about you sounds more personal and meaningful. I care for you seems like there May be a condition attached or something. Idk. It’s like someone saying I have love for you. Ok, so if you truly have love for me than why not just say I love you. Almost like the use of the word for is a roundabout way of having to say something that you don’t quite mean. Disclaimer: These are just MY feelings. That doesn’t mean someone’s t who does use the word for feels the same way.

You bring up good points about the use of 'about' and 'for.' I'll think on that this next week. Thanks for your response.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

After more thought, care for sounds less personal to me. It reminds me of being taught as a child that if I didn't like a food or activity, I should say I didn't care for it, rather than that I didn't like it or hated it (which sounds pretty pompous coming from a child, but whatever). In that context, care for meant general approbation, not a specific inclination.

But for T's, I can see many using these expressions interchangeably.

Looks like caring 'for' someone sounds less personal for most people. Hmmmm. I originally thought the opposite. Now I'm beginning to hear where my thought process was going. Thanks for your thoughts.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

I think another question could be....

does your t care about you as a client AND as a person? Is there a difference?

My T once said somethng like I would miss you if you quit. I said that you'd feel the same about all your clients. Then he said well I would miss you as a person then.

Very perceptive. I was going to add 'client' and 'person' into the equation, but that wasn't what my T said. I think there is a difference between client and person. Client is a label that sounds very professional a less personal. Missing someone as a person, for me, sounds like they think about all of the physical and emotional and intellectual things that make up a person. Thanks for adding that dimension into my question.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Mouse_62

Or maybe ask, does the T value the work you Both do.

Hmmmm. Interesting spin on the issue. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Breadfish

To me, caring for sounds more conditional. You care about me all the time and you care for me only when you are worried about me.

On that note - one of the most worthwile things my pdoc ever said to me that he wouldn't have less time for me just because I was, or might be going to be, doing better.

Although I won't put words into his mouth by saying 'cares about'. Just that that kind of /having time even when you're not staring into space all day, or psychotic, or .../ is really.. I don't have words for it. More unconditional. And that means I can be as excited as I want in session about a 'good' (= still not good, but not as bad) week, or good day, or hour, because I'll still get the support I need. Like, if you see a dietician, you'll see them every week until you have had a week where you ate as, or close to, desired (maybe because of a situational factor like being ill and someone serving you the right meals in bed). Then after that good week, your next appointment will be in a month.