[Vampire221B]

Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my question.
So... this is all kinda awkward, but here goes.
I have been dealing with depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation (probably due to abuse) for quite a while. I have been in therapy before and I liked my first counselor but my aunt (my parents live in a different country) just stopped driving me there one day cuz it was a bit far. Then, things escalated and so they got me a few different therapists/psychologists but I didn't like any of them and we lasted no longer than two sessions. The last time, my aunts finally told my parents about my mental health issues and they freaked out and then were so intent on finding psychologist that THEY liked and so when they did, they had already invested so much money in her by having my relatives here, as well as themselves, talk with her before even telling me. I was angry at them for that and I didn't like her, either, so I purposely acted like a real smartass with her to make sure she didn't like me and then immediately terminated it. It was actually quite comical.
Anyway, my parents and relatives were pretty pissed at me for that and they haven't brought up the topic of therapy ever since. However, to be honest, I have always wanted and needed a therapist whom I could trust and with whom I could connect - like my first one. Unfortunately, I have been way too shy and embarrassed to ask them to get me another therapist, so I have not been able to. I was also on the lightest dose of antidepressants but it wasn't working so I convinced my parents that I was fine and they let me discontinue it.
So now, my parents believe that I'm 100% "cured" and that I no longer self harm, either (my aunt said that she would kick me out of the house if I did it again and so I obviously haven't told anyone but you know I can't exactly just stop like that), although I'm really just as messed up as ever.
Now, I would be fine just living like this, pretending to be okay, except...
It is my one and only resolute aspiration to one day become a special agent in the FBI; it is the one thing I wish for (aside from my dog to live as long as I do but I know that's not going to happen) in life and I am willing to put my everything into achieving it. (If I don't achieve it, then I can just, ya'know, kms. Lol) Unfortunately, it is an extremely selective process (less than 5% of special agent applicants are hired each year) and one of the requirements is to have perfect health - both physical and mental. Thus, I need to get this big 'ol head of mine cleared up. Furthermore, extensive background checks are done on the applicants from their 18th birthday. I'm 17 now and I turn 18 in June. Therefore, it would be best if I could get the counseling/therapy done by this summer so that it would not raise unnecessary questions. Thankfully, I have a car now so I don't really have to worry about rides anymore, so that's good.
How would you propose I explain the situation to my over-protective, over-expectant, over-controlling parents without them freaking out and/or having my aunt check my arms again or something?
Thank you. And I apologize if you were in any way offended by anything I said.

[growlycat]

I was in a similar situation but I was younger, 16. I tried going through a trusted teacher and my school but it backfired because I was a minor and they had to tell my parents. What a mess.

Are you in a position to get therapy on your own without your parents financial help? That would be the most discrete way of doing this. Once you are 18 of course. Or if you are going to college, use campus counseling facilities.

If you need immeadiate help you could go to a regular doctors appointment and tell your dr your concerns. Being young and not having parents sympathetic to your needs is difficult, been there done that. But once you are 18 getting help with privacy is so much easier.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

As growlycat suggested, getting help without your parents knowing is probably the easiest/safest way.

If that doesn't work, is there any way you can say something like that you are feeling a lot better, but there's one or two left over things (maybe mention something, like you get anxious before exams, so it affects your performance in school a bit or that you are having trouble making some decisions in life, there's many reasons why somebody needs a therapist, make up one that doesn't worry them or surprise them). Since the therapist is not allowed legally to tell your parents (as far as I know for the US), that might be a good option.

Also, forgive me for bringing this up, but 6 months is a very short period of time to get better. Especially if you mention you have a history of abuse, and have been using coping mechanisms like self harm for a long time. Just be aware that getting to a good state of mind in 6 months will be very intense and hard work!

[mostlylurking]

My husband brought up concerns with our T about having certain billing codes associated with himself, as it might be a barrier to government work or certain licenses he has to get renewed. Our T reassured him that Axis 1 billing codes, for things like depression or anxiety, are generally not a problem and that he has had clients with a very high clearance level who have seen him for quite a long time. Axis 2 billing codes (personality disorders) are another matter, but if you feel that your symptoms are related to the past abuse, and given that you are also in a time of life that is often difficult for quite a few people, there is no reason to think an Axis 2 code would ever be required, but you could be upfront with any future T's about what such codes might mean for your future.

In short though, I don't think that being in therapy beyond your 18th birthday would be a detriment to your chances of getting an FBI job. I think sometimes cops (and presumably FBI people) are encouraged or required to seek therapy, so it could be seen as a positive even, that you take care of your mental well being by seeking help when needed.

As for how to ask, you could try to find an article about the "therapeutic alliance" or the "therapist-client relationship" to print out, to help them understand why it's very important for you to find the right T for yourself, and that if you do, therapy should be more effective this time around.

[annielovesbacon]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. When I was in high school my parents were not supportive of me either, they got angry at me instead of helping me.
I never saw a therapist until I was on my own in college at 18, then I started seeing a therapist. Better late than never right? Because it's at my college it's affordable for me to pay on my own.
But I think it would be best for you (and for everyone in general) to get help as soon as possible, so do you think you could tell them kind of what you told us here? You could play it down a bit, like maybe you're "just feeling a little down" and you want to see a therapist to clear things up, so that you are a great candidate to be an FBI agent.
I wish you luck, I know situations with parents can be hard. Keep us updated.

[Vampire221B]

@mostlylurking
Oh, wow, I didn't know that. It helps a lot. Thank you so much.

[Vampire221B]

@annielovesbacon
Aw, yeah, it's tough when parents aren't understanding/supportive. I'm glad you were able to get a therapist for yourself in college, though.
Thank you for the advice. I'll hopefully be able to muster up enough courage to ask my parents. Lol