[mcl6136]

I know that what I say in therapy should stay in therapy. However, I live in a very small town and sometimes I worry that the truth will leak out somehow.

I'm going back to my therapist, as I've written about in other posts, and I'm glad I will have the chance to try and mend fences with her. If we work things out, I'll continue to deal with my relationship status. Plus, I want to raise a career issue.

I work as a fundraiser. The problem is this: In my current organization, there are a lot of problems that basically get concealed from donors. It's not outright illegal Tony Soprano level stuff, just things that --if our donors were really aware -- would probably cost us support and definitely cost me my job. I'm basically snowing donors to keep the place rolling in the high dollars. Currently, I talk about it with *only* friends outside the small town where I live and work.

I trust T with my personal issues and have done well and made progress in these spheres. But the work-related issues amount to whistleblowing level stuff. Would you trust a T in this circumstance? Nobody on the job is being harmed, but some whopper lies are being told (many of them by me) in order to drag in money. It's weighing on me, but I wonder if it's safe to walk the plank.

How confidential is confidential?

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I know that what I say in therapy should stay in therapy. However, I live in a very small town and sometimes I worry that the truth will leak out somehow.

I'm going back to my therapist, as I've written about in other posts, and I'm glad I will have the chance to try and mend fences with her. If we work things out, I'll continue to deal with my relationship status. Plus, I want to raise a career issue.

I work as a fundraiser. The problem is this: In my current organization, there are a lot of problems that basically get concealed from donors. It's not outright illegal Tony Soprano level stuff, just things that --if our donors were really aware -- would probably cost us support and definitely cost me my job. I'm basically snowing donors to keep the place rolling in the high dollars. Currently, I talk about it with *only* friends outside the small town where I live and work.

I trust T with my personal issues and have done well and made progress in these spheres. But the work-related issues amount to whistleblowing level stuff. Would you trust a T in this circumstance? Nobody on the job is being harmed, but some whopper lies are being told (many of them by me) in order to drag in money. It's weighing on me, but I wonder if it's safe to walk the plank.

How confidential is confidential?

Oh, and yeah, I marked my mood paranoid.

[amandalouise]

my opinion is since this is a business and if it is in the USA, i would be more worried about the fact that its tax season and there is no knowing when you will get an audit. Audits are when the government sends you a letter verifying your taxes, this is not limited to big businesses or just those who pay taxes. even not for profit organizations have to file forms with the government. the government (social security and so on...) just pick names or business at random to Audit.

since your business is not completely on the up and up with the donors and hiding things then there is a high chance that your business may get an audit simply if a donor decides to check up on you with the better business bureau, Social security and so on before they give you their next donation. if reports dont add up in anyway or these reporting companies have nothing listed the donor can report for more info and so on and so on and suddenly you are in the midst of an official audit where you have to show your books and someone outside your agency does accounting and so on to make sure there are no hidden assets or made up assets or that the company isnt a sham/ scamming the donors kind of thing.

my suggestion is to find a way to come clean with the donors and government agencies like taxes and so on.

[RiseNRoll]

Hello,

I am glad that you made this post. I have also thought of the confidentiality topic many times. I live in a small place where sayings spread really fast. My father is a psychiatrist and he probably is familiar with my T. Sometimes I have the impression that my father and T might have discussed my condition. I don't know how I would react if this is true.

[maybeblue]

Unless you say something that would make her think you were a danger to yourself or others, it really *should* be confidential. From what you say I think if she were to gossip about you then she would be in legal trouble, or at least trouble with her license.

I understand the paranoia. I worry about it too because I've told my therapist stuff I'd never even tell my sister-in-law, and I live in a small town too. My therapist and I know some of the same people. He shouldn't even tell them that I see him, but I don't care about that...just the stuff I'm so private about.

Maybe really stress how worried you are about the information getting out. That might make her extra careful.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by RiseNRoll

Hello,

I am glad that you made this post. I have also thought of the confidentiality topic many times. I live in a small place where sayings spread really fast. My father is a psychiatrist and he probably is familiar with my T. Sometimes I have the impression that my father and T might have discussed my condition. I don't know how I would react if this is true.

I'm glad I'm not alone. News travels fast, especially if it's somewhat scandalous. I'm not sure that if the worst case happens and this whole thing explodes, it will really be "on me," but the whole confidential thing is in the eye of the beholder. I grew up in a medical family and I remember hearing the funny stories, so I know it happens.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by maybeblue

Unless you say something that would make her think you were a danger to yourself or others, it really *should* be confidential. From what you say I think if she were to gossip about you then she would be in legal trouble, or at least trouble with her license.

I understand the paranoia. I worry about it too because I've told my therapist stuff I'd never even tell my sister-in-law, and I live in a small town too. My therapist and I know some of the same people. He shouldn't even tell them that I see him, but I don't care about that...just the stuff I'm so private about.

Maybe really stress how worried you are about the information getting out. That might make her extra careful.

I think I will stress that and let her know who would be left holding the bag, at least initially. I mean, the money would dry up in more ways than one.

[maybeblue]

Originally Posted by RiseNRoll

Hello,

I am glad that you made this post. I have also thought of the confidentiality topic many times. I live in a small place where sayings spread really fast. My father is a psychiatrist and he probably is familiar with my T. Sometimes I have the impression that my father and T might have discussed my condition. I don't know how I would react if this is true.

I'd react by firing my therapist and probably reporting him/her to whatever licensing board they belong to. But I'd want to be sure that was really happening and it wasn't my own internal worries.

I once got a nurse fired because she called my office and left a message with the secretary for me telling her what medication I was on (an antidepressant). She could have left me a voicemail, which I would have been ok with. But I was having a hard time right then and didn't need the secretary gossiping about my medication increase.

I threw a major fit with the doctor's office. They responded by firing the nurse and making everyone else in the office go through confidentiality training. It was a general practice, not a mental health practice, but still...they should have known better.

[nottrustin]

While I doubt she would Mcl told me x about this company, I would be concerned if T was a donor or had people she was close to being a donor. I would fear she would stop donating or encourage others without saying who or why she knows the information.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

While I doubt she would Mcl told me x about this company, I would be concerned if T was a donor or had people she was close to being a donor. I would fear she would stop donating or encourage others without saying who or why she knows the information.

I totally agree! I think it's easy enough to drop hints and raise questions without explicitly betraying the confidence.

[coolibrarian]

When I was a member of a group, doing group therapy many years ago, there was a man in the group who was, in fact, doing illegal things at his job and then telling us about them. He was ultimately convicted by the courts for his misdeeds, as were his employers and several other employees--it was all over the news here--but I've often wondered "how confidential is confidential?" This guy didn't think he was doing anything wrong, or maybe he was just a good liar. I felt very uncomfortable when he was telling this stuff to us. I wonder if my T was, too?

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

When I was a member of a group, doing group therapy many years ago, there was a man in the group who was, in fact, doing illegal things at his job and then telling us about them. He was ultimately convicted by the courts for his misdeeds, as were his employers and several other employees--it was all over the news here--but I've often wondered "how confidential is confidential?" This guy didn't think he was doing anything wrong, or maybe he was just a good liar. I felt very uncomfortable when he was telling this stuff to us. I wonder if my T was, too?

Just to be clear here, I am not doing anything illegal. The organization has passed our independent audit with flying colors, year after year. I'm just getting more and more worried about what I'm "assuring" donors that we're *going to do* with this stack of money -- that we have not yet done. That's where the crummy feeling is coming from -- hoarding while acting needy. I feel like I'm allowing donors to believe something that just isn't true and I wonder if therapy is the place to solve this problem.

[Anne2.0]

I think that it is very confidential, as it is career ending for her and this kind of a "leak" is very traceable.

[SalingerEsme]

Since you grew up in a medical family, and know you heard stories, it does raise the question if the T's really are confidential - like do they go home and blow off steam telling their spouse about their case etc? Likewise, I grew up with a lawyer parent, and definitely heard stories around the table. I have talked point blank to my T about this, as one of my students' parents works in his building and it freaks me out. We tAlked about how it is a small city, how everyone knows everyone, and how scared I was what if he told his wife and then his wife and my sister are in the same book group and other major fits of paranoia. He was a little bit pained to have his integrity questioned, but he was very engaged in telling me how seriously he took the responsibility. It was comforting .

[ruh roh]

This is a tough one. On one hand, if the chances are good that she'd mention it to someone or have it affect her own behavior, then that's not a therapist I would feel comfortable telling anything to. And I say that knowing it's human nature for people to tell stories about funny things they've heard from clients or patients. It's more of a gut feeling that only you can assess. Bottom line, though, you'll need to work this out with someone so that you can sleep at night. You might want to see how things get ironed out about the dating email first and see how you feel about her after that.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

This is a tough one. On one hand, if the chances are good that she'd mention it to someone or have it affect her own behavior, then that's not a therapist I would feel comfortable telling anything to. And I say that knowing it's human nature for people to tell stories about funny things they've heard from clients or patients. It's more of a gut feeling that only you can assess. Bottom line, though, you'll need to work this out with someone so that you can sleep at night. You might want to see how things get ironed out about the dating email first and see how you feel about her after that.

I agree that taking it step by step is a good approach. The dating email has repercussions only for me and my (non) dating life!

Thanks!!