[annielovesbacon]

ED trigger warning for this post.

So I struggle with anorexia and I want to talk about it more with my therapist (when I start seeing her again in August), but I have a hard time doing so. That's for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that my T is a bit overweight. Now, I want to make it clear that I do NOT care what she weighs or what she looks like -- that is not my problem. My issue is I know how much bodyshaming and the like that overweight people, especially women, have to endure, and I almost feel guilty bringing up my insecurities to her given that I fluctuate between underweight/low side of normal weight and have never been shamed for my weight by other people.

I know, I know. A good therapist can separate their feelings about themselves and about personal matters from a client's feelings (and my T is wonderful, to be clear, she has never expressed discomfort). I know it's OK for me to talk about these ED issues. I just get nervous that I am upsetting her in some way. Can anyone else relate, or am I making a big deal out of this or even making some rude or baseless assumptions?

[MrsDuckL]

Totally not a silly fear! (But even if it was a silly fear, that’s ok too!) My heart goes out to you, I have a friend who is a recovered anorexic and works as a nutritionist in her own practice with clients with ED.

I can’t speak from experience with the ED, but I’ve always been curvy. Yes, fat shaming exists, but would point out that thin shaming exists too. So does women-shaming and slut-shaming, and [insert here] 10,000 other ways a woman can be shamed. Me personally, I wouldn’t feel fat-shamed at all if I had a friend who wanted to talk about her ED—I would feel honored they trusted me in that capacity! I am guessing your therapist probably would also feel this way, clinicial training and education aside. ED is such a complex and deeply personal issue, and I bet your therapist would feel nothing but honored you trusted her enough to bring it up.

[Amyjay]

i know how you feel, I have anorexia too and I have struggled with this. In the past I just ende up talking about it and my T of the time was really good with it. I understand your fear but your t will be able to handle it.

[MoxieDoxie]

I am confused. Are you not in therapy for Anorexia?

[Fernwehxx]

I get it. I have been through all forms of ED. But, in the end, the talking shouldn't stop at these issues because it's a way to look deeper and see where it all comes from. I know that it may not seem this way and weight/ eating/ not eating/ etc is all that counts, but by accepting your feelings about your body, you should be able to discover what's beyond. And that, exactly, is therapy.

I have talked about issues and weight(I am not in therapy for ED anymore because it's become more of a side show), and my T is a little overweight. I did feel bad because I was worrying that she might think that I am judging her (yeah, the spiral of thinking, right?), but I tried to let her know that this is an internal struggle and that I know it stands for something else. I don't know if it did even make her think that way, but of course, I worried.

In the end, I think it's one of many issues they talk about. I'm not sure if your T has experience with ED (mine hasn't). If she does, there's no issue at all. I know this is easier said than done, but no matter how bad you may talk about yourself, you're not talking bad about her. If she takes it that way, she might have her own issues with this topic.

Plus, if you're in therapy for an ED, that's exactly what you should talk about.

[maybeblue]

She'll be fine...even if what you want to talk about is fear of gaining weight. She won't feel shamed unless you say something like "boy you are fat." Many people who are somewhat overweight are actually OK with it. They don't base their self-esteem on how much they weigh. None of us should do that...but some people have really accomplished it. I haven't completely managed it yet (I'm overweight), but I'm closer than I was 10 years ago. But I would still be perfectly comfortable with talking to someone with anorexia about fear of gaining weight. I wouldn't feel shamed.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I am confused. Are you not in therapy for Anorexia?

No, I started going to therapy for depression and continue to go for that, for anxiety, and to manage bipolar disorder. I have struggled with an ED since I was 13 and hid it from my therapist for a long time (I know, bad idea). I had a really bad relapse this summer and decided to come clean. But it's not our main focus.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

No, I started going to therapy for depression and continue to go for that, for anxiety, and to manage bipolar disorder. I have struggled with an ED since I was 13 and hid it from my therapist for a long time (I know, bad idea). I had a really bad relapse this summer and decided to come clean. But it's not our main focus.

Ok so you are self diagnosing yourself with anorexia. You might not even have anorexia. It could be something else.

[toomanycats]

I can understand where this fear is coming from, but, honestly, that you have this fear at all shows that you're not likely to body shame her. I think your T will entirely understand that your ED thoughts are about you, and not about her. Now, sometimes our thoughts do extend to thinking about other people (there's a reason 'reverse thinspo' exists), and that is ok too. It's ok to think your thoughts, feel your feelings, and talk about them with your therapist, who is a safe person equipped to handle these things. You can't control this stuff, and she knows that.

What you can control are your actions. You can control whether you attack her about her weight (and I really doubt you ever would!). Body shaming isn't the same thing as talking about your ED. I promise.

[mcl6136]

I totally feel this too. I lost a lot of weight recently and am very proud of myself for changing my eating patterns (mainly WHEN I eat) and getting more active. I have addressed eating as a pattern of self-comfort and boredom relief. I'm very proud that I have done so, and lost a significant amount of weight, which has allowed me to be more confidently addressing my relationship status issues. However, during therapy, I totally skipped over the weight loss thing BECAUSE my T is kind of fat, and *****es regularly about her "joint" problems (which of course are worsened by being fat).

I don't want to address my success for fear of hurting my Ts feelings.

How pathetic is that?

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

Body shaming isn't the same thing as talking about your ED. I promise.

Well said!!

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Ok so you are self diagnosing yourself with anorexia. You might not even have anorexia. It could be something else.

No. Once I told my T, she immediately diagnosed me with anorexia.
I suppose I was "self diagnosing" up until then, but I pretty much was a textbook anorexic. I didn't need a therapist or doctor to tell me that.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I totally feel this too. I lost a lot of weight recently and am very proud of myself for changing my eating patterns (mainly WHEN I eat) and getting more active. I have addressed eating as a pattern of self-comfort and boredom relief. I'm very proud that I have done so, and lost a significant amount of weight, which has allowed me to be more confidently addressing my relationship status issues. However, during therapy, I totally skipped over the weight loss thing BECAUSE my T is kind of fat, and *****es regularly about her "joint" problems (which of course are worsened by being fat).

I don't want to address my success for fear of hurting my Ts feelings.

How pathetic is that?

That's not pathetic. Not wanting to hurt your T's feelings shows you are a very caring and empathetic person. If your T is hurt by you talking about your weight loss, that is on her.