[goatee]

I'm just wondering how common or concerning it is for a T to get sarcastic, annoyed, or angry at a patient? Thanks.

He can be very sarcastic but so can I.

I think showing those emotions can be ok but only if they are shown in a healthy productive way that benefits the client

Originally Posted by goatee

I'm just wondering how common or concerning it is for a T to get sarcastic, annoyed, or angry at a patient? Thanks.

I think it’s more common than we care to think about. I have had lots of bad experiences with my own ts anger. I think that ts experience anger, annoyance, sarcasm a lot with clients. The key is how aware they are and how they express it.
My t blamed counter transference but to me that is a cop out because we all have these feelings towards everyone outside of therapy. It’s normal and expected it’s just we don’t have a phrase like counter transference to blame.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Ts have emotions, just like everyone else. My T once said that the difference is that I should only notice the emotions in him that he decides I should see. And he should only choose those emotions that are beneficial for me.

I have seen my T angry once,

Possible trigger:

when I laughed while he talked a day after a suicide attempt

. I feel it was beneficial, because I realized how my actions create emotions in others (which I have a really hard time understanding). I explained why I was behaving the way I was, and he understood and wasn't angry anymore. He wasn't ranting on and on and I don't know what, he just sounded a bit upset when it first happened.

Sarcasm is another story, it's a kind of humor. I think Ts should be careful with being sarcastic if their client is not, because it can hurt. But if it's well placed and the client understands, I think it's fine as well.

Originally Posted by goatee

I'm just wondering how common or concerning it is for a T to get sarcastic, annoyed, or angry at a patient? Thanks.

In 15yrs. Never. And believe me I've tested her.
But then therapy wouldn't be therapeutic if she did.

Therapists are as entitled to their feelings as everyone else, however they are not entitled to act out their feelings with sarcasm, shouting, shaming etc. They are being paid to do a job and part of that job entails managing their own responses and retaining therapeutic purpose.

[LesFleursDuMal]

Being angry or answering in a sarcastic way when annoyed or tired is human indeed but I don’t think a T should ever express it in a direct way, as we would in a normal social conversation. Of course they can’t help those feelings but I think they sould deal with them in a professional way.

[OctobersBlackRose]

My now (as of this week) former therapist was never angry at me, I think she got annoyed that I didn't always talk, of nearly fell asleep acouple times in session (one time she did tell me I could sleep if I wanted to, appreciated the offer but didn't take her up on it because I would have felt weird falling asleep in her office, but did fall asleep in group once). But we were both sarcastic together once we got to know each other better, it wasn't in malice just good humor.

But therapists should never show their anger and annoyance at a client in a mean and nasty way, they can share their feelings if it will benefit the client, but not shout or belittle the client.

T and I are both fairly sarcastic but in a good way. She has gotten stern with me at times when I start heading down the wrong path but ahe hass never gotten angry or annoyed with me... at least not that she lets on.

[stopdog]

I think mostly it's a manipulation they try at clients.

If a therapist is actually angry at a client then I think they need to go back to therapy themselves. They get no stake in my life, what I do has no bearing on them, and if they're getting emotionally tied up in it -they need to just step the eff back away and get a grip.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think mostly it's a manipulation they try at clients.

There is a lot of truth to this. My previous T outright admitted to holding back and showing annoyance just to see how I would react. This is also why I am not with her anymore. It was a huge breech of trust for me that I couldn't get past.

[Lemoncake]

Originally Posted by goatee

I'm just wondering how common or concerning it is for a T to get sarcastic, annoyed, or angry at a patient? Thanks.

I could tell once that I had irritated him, but he honestly didn't ever get angry or sarcastic with me, despite me deliberately trying to provoke him. For me personally I don't think I could have handled it if he ever did snap at me or get annoyed .

[satsuma]

My T was angry recently, although he preferred to say he was "frustrated".

It was very shocking to me, because he is normally very calm.

Afterwards je explained that he was scared (I had been feeling suicidal), and it was similar to a parent who loses a child and then finds them again - they are relieved, but also angry in a "don't do that to me again!" kind of a way.

Mine does some times. But it is something that works well for us. so it doesnt bother me.

[goatee]

Thanks, everyone. My T got sarcastic with me the other day in anger. Though she insists she wasn't angry with me, just irritated. Still it hurt me very deeply and scared me. It happened when I was just being honest and trying to do what she always tells me to do, to tell her the truth of how I'm feeling. I was confessing to her how upset I was with her about a few things and that's when she suddenly got sarcastic and obviously angry with me. I'm feeling so awful now about it. It's even worse because in my FOO my main abuser was always angrily screaming at me. So having my T get angry, even if not screaming, really scares and hurts me. Which T knows but somehow she has done this a few times now and never seems very troubled by it. I don't know, ugh, just trying to sort out my feelings.

[fille_folle]

I've never had a T be sarcastic with me. Although I'm sure my T's have been annoyed, or even angry with me at times, the most they've allowed to show is exasperation.

[satsuma]

Originally Posted by goatee

Thanks, everyone. My T got sarcastic with me the other day in anger. Though she insists she wasn't angry with me, just irritated. Still it hurt me very deeply and scared me. It happened when I was just being honest and trying to do what she always tells me to do, to tell her the truth of how I'm feeling. I was confessing to her how upset I was with her about a few things and that's when she suddenly got sarcastic and obviously angry with me. I'm feeling so awful now about it. It's even worse because in my FOO my main abuser was always angrily screaming at me. So having my T get angry, even if not screaming, really scares and hurts me. Which T knows but somehow she has done this a few times now and never seems very troubled by it. I don't know, ugh, just trying to sort out my feelings.

I'm so sorry, Goatee. I would be really upset too. I think some of us who have abusive backgrounds are particularly sensitive to anger, and Ts should know that. It's so important to be able to feel safe in therapy, isn't it?

When my T got angry recently, I thought that therapy was over and I would never see him again. But some people here urged me to go back and talk to him, and I did and we worked it out.
So I wish the same for you, I hope you can be able to work this out with your T. Maybe you could write a letter or an email expressing how you feel about this, so that your T can be prepared to discuss it with you? Just an idea.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by goatee

Thanks, everyone. My T got sarcastic with me the other day in anger. Though she insists she wasn't angry with me, just irritated. Still it hurt me very deeply and scared me. It happened when I was just being honest and trying to do what she always tells me to do, to tell her the truth of how I'm feeling. I was confessing to her how upset I was with her about a few things and that's when she suddenly got sarcastic and obviously angry with me. I'm feeling so awful now about it. It's even worse because in my FOO my main abuser was always angrily screaming at me. So having my T get angry, even if not screaming, really scares and hurts me. Which T knows but somehow she has done this a few times now and never seems very troubled by it. I don't know, ugh, just trying to sort out my feelings.

Sorry this happened to you, if my ex therapist would have ever acted that way with me I would have completely shut down and lost trust in her, my Mom can become very sarcastic when angry or just angry angry and I'm very sensitive to peoples anger so I can understand how you feel. Maybe bring it up with her about how you felt when she acted the way she did toward you. Hugs

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by goatee

I'm just wondering how common or concerning it is for a T to get sarcastic, annoyed, or angry at a patient? Thanks.

My T gets dismissive or annoyed sometimes, and twice angry. He isn't scary or mean about it though. He then gets concerned and works hard to understand what happened with me.

[Wonderfalls]

Angry, annoyed, and definitely frustrated through the years. But never sarcastic in anger. The sarcasm was always in fun and I think the dark feelings beneath angry sarcasm would have been a deal breaker.

[jeremiahgirl]

Only once or twice have I seen my T fly off the handle one time was when I tried to support him in his stressful moment; he evidently didn’t like it and fired back. Another time, I can’t remember the circumstances but I remember he really knew he was wrong, and apologized. He does remember it to this day because he knew how this could set up another traumatic moment we would have to process. At the time I was doing EMDR and it’s a process which is lengthy. In either case he does know he must “control” his emotions or therapy is pointless.

[goatee]

Thanks, everyone. I may cancel my next session with T. I'm still so hurt and scared by what she said to me. I've emailed her twice since (something she normally encourages) and she hasn't been responding despite her knowing how upset I am. I feel like she's abandoned me, and I'm so upset I may just cancel my next session. I know I should probably go but I'm just too hurt and upset and devastated by all of her behavior.

I had a therapist that gave sarcastic answers at time, but never in anger.

[bobcat21]

My T gets upset very often it is like poking a bear say the wrong thing whoops she gets a wee bit mad. My prior T when I was younger was never upset and always seemed cool calm and collected but I guess every T is different I do miss my old T one of the best.

[RaineD]

My therapist gets angry at me sometimes. I feel bad for making him mad, but I also like how much real emotion he shows. It's a dynamic that works for me.