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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,830
7 6,373 hugs
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#221
One of the things I did towards the end is ignore him. If you read anything about abusive behavior, ignoring someone is considered abusive. In my mind, I was ignoring him because he was emotionally/verbally abusing me on an almost daily basis. But maybe my ignoring him is what caused him to set our house on fire. I most definitely was ignoring him that night. At one point he opened up our front door and was cursing at our neighbors and I chose to just sit in my room and ignore it because I didn't know what to do, but maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe if I'd just gone in and talked to him none of this would have happened. Maybe I was abusing him. It's a maddening circle of thoughts to get caught on. It's why I feel like I bear responsibility for everything. What if I'd tried harder? What if I was a better partner? What if I hadn't pressured him to see a psychiatrist who put him on insane amounts of Adderall? What if this? What if that? It's enough to drive you mad.
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Anonymous43207, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,188
(SuperPoster!)
9 12.4k hugs
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#222
Yes, the silent treatment is abusive...IF it’s initiated by someone as a means of control or punishment. When it’s a defense mechanism, as it was for you, I don’t think it’s abusive at all. One of my defenses was lying, about where I’d been, or who I was talking to, etc. I don’t feel at all bad about it, though normally I try not to lie.
And yes, it is enough to drive one mad. But really it’s just a continuation of their mind games. |
awkwardlyyours, Lemoncake, WarmFuzzySocks
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Anonymous45127, awkwardlyyours, ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, WarmFuzzySocks
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,804
(SuperPoster!)
7 10.3k hugs
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#223
Quote:
Sometimes it's safer to leave the situation and just emotionally detach. It was normal for us kids to walk out of room if he walked into it. You do what you have to and nobody would blame you for that because it's not easy and it takes something out of you each and every day. |
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NP_Complete
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Anonymous45127, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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Magnet
Member Since Jun 2017
Location: in the garden
Posts: 2,325
7 15.6k hugs
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#224
It is a mind game. Why take responsibility for their own feelings and actions if they can get someone else to do it for them?
“What if I had...? If only I had... I should’ve...” That’s my song, know it by heart in four-part harmony to the beat of It’s All My Fault. No, it WAS my song. Not any more. P.S. NP-He set the house on fire because he set the house on fire. You did not cause him to set the house on fire. He did that all on his own. You cannot make someone set things on fire by ignoring them. Really. __________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) Last edited by WarmFuzzySocks; Mar 18, 2018 at 01:24 AM.. |
Anastasia~, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, NP_Complete
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Anastasia~, Anonymous45127, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight, ruh roh
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Magnet
Member Since Jun 2017
Location: in the garden
Posts: 2,325
7 15.6k hugs
given |
#225
And in lighter news, I only got three hours sleep last night, took a nap, and was awakened mid-nap by my piano kid telling me he’d forgotten to tell me he had a recital. In less than an hour.
I showered, did my hair (sort of), threw on a dress and boots, and we made it one minute late. He played beautifully. Good thing. I couldn’t stay mad at him after listening. __________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) |
88Butterfly88, Anastasia~, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, rainbow8, ruh roh, unaluna
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Anonymous45127, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, LonesomeTonight, malika138, NP_Complete, rainbow8, unaluna
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,933
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.2k hugs
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#226
Quote:
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Anastasia~, Anonymous45127, NP_Complete, WarmFuzzySocks
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#227
NP, you would not blame another person who used violence to defend themselves from their partner who was beating them. You would call it self defense.
In the same way, you ignoring him was a needed self defense. |
Anastasia~, ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, WarmFuzzySocks
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#228
Hugs if you want them Mobius
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MobiusPsyche
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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15 9,983 hugs
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#229
I wish I had something positive to say. T says thinking positive will work!! But I'm in so much pain!! Gabapentin let me sleep 8 hours Friday night but only 5 last night. It hurts to lie down now! Sitting is okay for about 10 minutes.
PT said surgery may not help because my spine is bad in too many places. I see pain Dr. tomorrow. I have to cancel trip to my family because I can't sit in bus or car. Drs. say it would set me back more. Acupuncture was okay but I didn't like lying on my side for 15 minutes. Was afraid I'd get a cramp. Sorry to keep posting like this. I feel like going to the hospital but for what? I stand all day except for ice pack and my leg exercises. T and my friend who had this say I will get better but it's hard to believe that. I'm not sure I can drive very far, like to appointments. Taking Advil and Tylenol all the time now. |
88Butterfly88, Anastasia~, awkwardlyyours, kecanoe, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, malika138, NP_Complete, ruh roh, WarmFuzzySocks
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,823
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
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#230
I made corned beef three different ways yesterday to compare them. Today I had to run around handing out meaty gift bags to my friends.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
Anastasia~, atisketatasket, Lemoncake, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Is Untitled
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: here and there
Posts: 2,617
8 5,320 hugs
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#231
I just got accepted to a shortened version of my usual meditation course over Memorial Day — only after being grilled over the phone with detailed questions about my drinking and ingesting of certain substances over the last 2 years that I’d mentioned in response to questions on the form (after of course being thanked for my honesty). (They’re loath to let you back in as an old student if you’ve done a few too many things.)
Now I feel a renewed urge..........to drink. |
atisketatasket, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, malika138, NP_Complete, unaluna
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,188
(SuperPoster!)
9 12.4k hugs
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#232
Where’s a grammar person? I think I mentioned the professor of my religion course insists on proper grammar. So far I’ve gotten dinged for using “huge” as an adjective and “s/he.” Fine, I just won’t use those again.
But does anyone know what is wrong with unbiased in this sentence? “How would I know if s/he isn’t being fair and unbiased”? With the d in unbiased highlighted as wrong. |
Is Untitled
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: here and there
Posts: 2,617
8 5,320 hugs
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#233
Quote:
As for unbiased, the only thing I could vaguely think of is if she prefers that it be used for opinions / stances / thinking and not people? Conversely, to say that someone has certain biases but not that they are biased / unbiased? I can’t come up with a good reason for such a preference but that’s the only thing that occurred to me. |
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atisketatasket, malika138
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,172
(SuperPoster!)
13 67.1k hugs
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#234
Quote:
And maybe she just didnt like huge cuz its a trumpism. Bigly! |
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atisketatasket
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,172
(SuperPoster!)
13 67.1k hugs
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#235
Quote:
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atisketatasket
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,188
(SuperPoster!)
9 12.4k hugs
given |
#236
Quote:
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,172
(SuperPoster!)
13 67.1k hugs
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#237
What is the editing mark she used? A simple delete? Exactly like all the others? Check your proofreaders manual.
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atisketatasket
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,188
(SuperPoster!)
9 12.4k hugs
given |
#238
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unaluna
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,823
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12 1 hugs
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#239
Could you just ask the professor? I mean "fair and unbiase" would not work either - so perhaps it was not meant to just be the d that was the problem.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
atisketatasket, rainbow8, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,172
(SuperPoster!)
13 67.1k hugs
given |
#240
Then i think she doesnt like the whole sentence. I have problems hiliting A LOT like on my stupid kindle. Did you right click on it? No notes?
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