[imnotbroken]

First of all, sorry if there has already been a discussion on this matter. I have searched the topics and couldn't find anything specific.

I was wondering, what do you consider as 'late' when it comes to the therapy appointment to begin? Is your therapist consistently late for your appointments? And how does it affect you?

I think I can count in one hand the times that my appointment began at the scheduled time, which is 3pm. More often than not, she finished the previous appointment at 3:05 to 3:10pm, but she takes a break for coffee after that, taking me in at about 3:15ish.

I think that 5 minutes is the maximum amount of time you should make someone wait. More than that is abusive, since this tardiness always triggers my anxiety and makes me think that she's taking longer with the previous client so she can spend less time with me, since she usually doesn't make up for this lost time.

Sorry if I'm overreacting, but this is something that bothers me, but I don't think this should be discussed with her. I understand she's a human being and prone to circumstances in which she may need to delay her appointments, but every week is too much.

[Argonautomobile]

Sounds like my T. It bothers me less since I see him less. I brought it up when it was egregious - more than twenty minutes late without making up the time - and, while he grovelled in a satisfactory way, nothing ever changed. So I lowered my expectations and deal with it because the only other option is getting a new T.

So, I guess you can deal with it or get a new T. Kind of a sucky situation. I'm sorry your t is doing this. I agree that it is not professional or appropriate.

[maybeblue]

I would find that unacceptable. It's rude. My long term therapist has been late a handful of times and has always apologized for it. She apologizes even if she is just 2 minutes late, which I don't consider late at all. The couple of times (in several years) that she has been 10 minutes late she said was for a client emergency (which I totally understand), and she made up the time at the end of the session.

I guess I'm not sure why you don't want to bring it up to her. She is probably one of those disorganized people that doesn't worry about time and likely thinks you don't care. But since you do and since she doesn't make up the time I think it is worth talking to her about before deciding to get a new therapist.

[mostlylurking]

I think going over by 15 minutes every week is excessive.

She should be making up the time for you. Not to do so is like stealing a bit of your money each week, but it's also unfair in that she should be treating her clients equally. (Every client is different, but the care offered should be equivalent in most ways.) If she tends to chronically run late, she may be (even if she doesn't realize it) taking advantage of the clients who don't demand their full time, to help keep her not too far behind schedule.

If she at least made up the time, you could ask to move your appointment time to 3:10 let's say, which is realistically when she would be ready to see you. At any rate, I would try to talk to her if you can. For me personally it wouldn't be the lateness but the loss of time that would really bother me.

I think if a T is running late, that the T runs late for that part of the day (the morning until the T takes it out of the T's lunch, or in the afternoon and leaves late).

Why does this need to come out of someone's appointment?

[healinginprogress]

My T is always late. At this point it's expected. She apologizes every time. Plus, I'm the last of the day so she readily makes up my time. I agree though, it's the lack of make up time that bothers me in your story than the lateness but I get how being punctual can be important to people.

I would bring it up with her.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

We start early 99% of the time. He has a two hour lunch break right before my appointment, I usually arrive 10 minutes early and he gets me within 1-2 minutes.

When I have different appointment times for whatever reasons, sometimes he is a few minutes late, say 3-5. Never more than 5. If he is late by more than a few minutes, I usually start to worry he has forgotten that I am around, so I'm glad he is usually early.

[imnotbroken]

Thanks, everyone! I'll be seeing her in a couple hours and if she's late again (which is very likely) and ends my session earlier, I will try to bring it up.

The thing is, in my country, being late is considered 'fancy'. Doctors' appointments are NEVER on time, if the appointment is at 8, by 9 the doctor isn't even at the clinic yet. So, here, it is pretty 'normal' to be late for anything, but I find it disrespectful. She shouldn't mirror her actions on the majority, though. And she never apologizes. Let's see how today goes. Thanks again! <3

[AllHeart]

I find that highly disrespectful and unprofessional. Seems counterproductive to your therapy to harbor this resentment. Why don't you think this should be discussed? I could understand this happening on occasion and the t apologizes and makes up the time. But that doesn't appear to be the case here.

I have little to no tolerance for habitual tardiness from anyone. My t once ran 5 minutes late but that was no big deal. My daughter's t always runs 5 minutes late. Often times longer. So I told her t that I would just bring my daughter in 5 minutes past the scheduled time, and that my daughter should stay 5 minutes past the scheduled end time. I also suggested that if she runs more than 10 minutes late, we have the option to leave without being charged. She respectfully agreed to these terms. Hopefully you can work out a fair solution with your t.

[Carmina]

I don't make a big deal of it personally - I accept that she is seeing other people equally as needy as me, if not more so, and that sometimes it's impossible to manage time within a therapy session so the person is able to suddenly put away their feelings and leave the room. What normally happens is roughly 10-15 mins before the end we acknowledge the time and work on moving on but it's not always easy (plus I make a lot of mess). Generally an experienced therapist knows to leave sufficient wriggle room between sessions so it doesn't impact too much on time keeping, but I know I have run over in my own sessions and therefore would be the last person to feel annoyed if someone else did the same to me.

[LonesomeTonight]

My marriage counselor is frequently late, 15 minutes or sometimes more. I put up with it because he'd often give us extra time in sessions when we needed it (and sometimes when we didn't really "need" it), but it did get frustrating after a while, particularly once when we had to wait a half hour while he gave another couple more time.

My individual T is extremely punctual--to the point that if it's 1:32 (for a 1:30 session), I start worrying I had the wrong time. But then he invariably comes right out. And I'm back there for pretty much a full hour, though the last few minutes is scheduling/paying. It's kind of refreshing to have someone who's on time like that, but as I often tend to run late, I've had to let him know recently that I was running about 3 minutes late (he doesn't have a receptionist, so I wanted him to know when to look for me).

Ex-T was pretty consistently 5 minutes after the appointment time, which was fine because it was consistent (but she insisted she was always on time--I have to wonder if her clocks were off or something).

[Lemoncake]

Him being late would trigger my anxiety even if it was 2 or 4 minutes. I wouldn't be able to tolerate a 15 min wait.

Why should you have to pay the same amount for less time?

[SalingerEsme]

My T has literally never been late, not even once in almost 2 years. Sometimes I complain about how strict he seems, but I guess the flip side is he is strict on himself too.

Your T needs to give you the full 45 or 50 minute session ( whatever it is) , every time you pay for a full session. This is one of those boundary / frame issues, like when clients ask to talk on the phone, but with the T pushing the limits.

I pay my T more than 2 dollars a minute- close to three. I don't dwell on that, but it does hurt, and I give up lots of things to afford therapy. My T is also very honest, to the point he would likely prorate himself for being late if he could give the time.

[AnnaBegins]

My T has a problem with being late too but I was always afraid to say anything to him about it because I was afraid I would make him mad. I only had the courage to "get angry" with him once because he was almost an hour later than he said he was going to be and by the time he arrived, we could only talk for five minutes before he had to leave for his next session. I told him that he shouldn't have bothered to show up and should have just cancelled the session in the first place and he got mad and said he went through a lot of effort to be there and couldn't I just focus on that.

If I ever had the courage and felt like I was worth it, I would tell him that I make sacrifices and spend time planning my schedule to make sure I am on time for our sessions. I know he has a bunch of clients who don't work, and maybe he's used to them being able to accommodate him from a scheduling perspective, but I work full time and have had to take vacation days to see him when he was only available during a time where I was supposed to be at the office. I feel like I make our sessions a priority and every time he's late or asks me to rearrange my schedule because of something that came up for him, it makes me feel like he does not.

[imnotbroken]

Just came back from session with t. Well, I can't complain she didn't make up for lost time today. Her previous client left at 3:03pm (I had my phone in hand then), and the therapist asked me to wait for a few minutes. She called me in at 3:08. Late, but acceptable, since the session ended at about 4pm. Exactly the time we'd agreed on. I didn't mention anything about the tardiness, I had a lot to talk about and ended up forgetting it.

[healed84]

My t has consistently been late since I started with him 6 years ago. I do get anxious sometimes when he is late. But not offended because I have learned over the years that he is just constantly life for things in general not just for work.

[lucozader]

I agree with you. I don't think it's right for her to be so consistently late. I would be very hurt by that too. I've seen five different therapists and none of them have ever been late at all.

I hope you will manage to talk to her about it.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by AnnaBegins

My T has a problem with being late too but I was always afraid to say anything to him about it because I was afraid I would make him mad. I only had the courage to "get angry" with him once because he was almost an hour later than he said he was going to be and by the time he arrived, we could only talk for five minutes before he had to leave for his next session. I told him that he shouldn't have bothered to show up and should have just cancelled the session in the first place and he got mad and said he went through a lot of effort to be there and couldn't I just focus on that.

That is alarmingly bad. As in, abusive (t, not you).

[tomatenoir]

I think this is excessive. You are paying for someone's time, and you're not getting it. She shouldn't be cutting your sessions short because she can't manage her own schedule.

In eight months, my therapist has never been late.

If my T arrives within 10 minutes, I congratulate her for being on time.

It doesn't bother me. If I had to choose between a on-time T and a flexible T, I'd go for the flexible one. I appreciate it when she gives me a few extra minutes and I allow her to. So I accept her doing that for her other clients, too.

My T has been late by a few minutes the last 2 appointments, but no more so than 5 minutes either time. He's also been early as well. His policy is that if a client is distressed he'll keep them longer. This impacts other clients. I've been on the extra time end a couple of times, so I don't mind when he's been late for me.

[Tbhimscared]

My T is consistently late and sometimes it bothers me but I try to remember she’s human and has gone over our time many times (sometimes giving me an extra 30 mins to make sure I was safe) when I’ve really needed it and would expect her to do the same for someone else in my situation. There have been a few times that she didn’t get the notice from the receptionist that I arrived and was over 20 minutes late, but she apologized and I was relieved that it wasn’t a personal issue, she just didn’t get the notification. Most days she is around 5-10 minutes late

My T is always 5 to 15 minutes late. I don't mind because I get the full hour. I'd mind if it's consistently towards 15 minutes rather than 5 because I take time off work and public transport to the clinic. I try to be early since public transport isn't always super reliable. However it's usually 5 to 10 minutes so I tolerate it as my anxiety builds and builds and builds

I did mind when she was 45 minutes late because a client in a ward was in crisis because I wasn't informed by the clinic while I was waiting and thought she'd forgotten me.

When I was the one late (only once in many sessions), I didn't get the full hour and I was slightly upset. I did feel it's a little unfair she can consistently be late but I can't. I told her that and said I try to be consistently early so she isn't waiting around for me and can fetch me whenever she's ready.

I like to be punctual and I appreciate when a T is punctual.

I think the bigger issue is that your T is not giving you the full duration of time you're paying for.

[Myrto]

Being late is bad enough but not making up the time so that you get a full session (that you are paying for) is unacceptable. I would not tolerate that. And if your therapist needs a coffee break then why doesn't she schedule you later? That was the problem with my last therapist: she was consistently late because she would schedule clients back to back. Instead of 3pm, couldn't you agree to come at, say, 3.15 pm instead? And you get your full time obviously. It is not your responsabiliy to manage your therapist's schedule, and her being human has nothing to do with it. She's a professional providing a service you are paying for. The least she could do is give you what you paid for.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by Tbhimscared

My T is consistently late and sometimes it bothers me but I try to remember she’s human and has gone over our time many times (sometimes giving me an extra 30 mins to make sure I was safe) when I’ve really needed it and would expect her to do the same for someone else in my situation.

Good for her