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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: N/A
Posts: 1,776
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#1
You are not alone... 🐻
__________________ "stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget" "roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles" "the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy" "don't put all your eggs - in one basket" "promote pleasure - prevent pain" "with change - comes loss" |
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,007
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#2
Isn't this what TELL is about?
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Anonymous41462, HD7970GHZ
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BrazenApogee, HD7970GHZ, LabRat27, missbella
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
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#3
Thank you for this.
Anyone else feel like theirs wasn't "bad enough"? It was unethical therapy, but I wouldn't say that I was exploited. It wasn't intentionally abusive, but there were definite ethical violations and 10 years later it still affects me. |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760
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#4
I'm sorry you all went through this.
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Magnate
Member Since May 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,497
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#5
I am in the same boat as you. Choices my therapist made only made things much, much worse, and four years later, still affect me a great deal. I have been damaged by therapy. And unfortunately, continue to be.
__________________ ~It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving~ |
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,024
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#6
Thank you for this, HD. Coming up on the 1 year mark of the last time I saw my unethical ex-t in person. That was the day she annihilated my soul.
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Atypical_Disaster, HD7970GHZ, Ssigros
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Member
Member Since Dec 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 357
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#7
I had two unethical exT’s in a row. So much damage was done. I almost died as a result.
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HD7970GHZ, precaryous
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: In my head
Posts: 1,787
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#8
I am mostly over it but occasionally get overwhelmed by anger at my last unethical therapist. I wasn't exploited in the sense of sexual abuse (and certainly I've heard stories way worse than mine) but I think that encouraging someone to be vulnerable with their pain/shame/whatever when you are incompetent and have terrible boundaries is, in itself, a form of exploitation. Nothing more egregious needs to happen. Accepting the client's money just adds an extra level.
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Inner Space Traveler
Member Since May 2014
Location: on the wing of an eagle
Posts: 3,892
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#9
I had two unethical T’s in a row, too. It took me a while to realize I was being exploited by both. They didn’t help me...they kept me sick and made me worse. Then they made me question my own sanity.
Combined events point to the probability that the second was trying to manipulate me and get me institutionalized because he was afraid I would tell people what was happening. I was hospitalized several times by the first subsequent good therapist. I almost died. I will never get over it. There’s no trauma therapy that’s going to fix this. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: here
Posts: 1,845
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#10
Yes, I feel the same way. I wasn't exploited sexually. I might have been bullied and manipulated by others, but from a therapist it has real impact. I lost my grievance. Apparently therapists believe telling a client "something about you makes me want to kick you" is within the realm of ethical practice.
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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,304
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#11
I just wish it was more discussed and had more awareness. The few times I made the mistake of sharing what I went through to someone IRL... They all asked why it was a problem because we both consented. I don't tell anyone anymore. Most people don't understand the difference in a therapeutic relationship. I do feel that it has an inherent power imbalance. I'm not interested in starting a debate on therapists actually having power or not. I speak from my own experience and from what I know about myself and what I went thru. I wish the government would also recognize this and make it illegal in every state (sexual exploitation). I also wish unethical therapists who harm clients were more disciplined and thoroughly looked at. That is another example in my mind of the power imbalance.... Therapists can just say "oh that person is crazy. They're overreacting or making it up" and their words and perceptions automatically sound more valid and believeable
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2011
Posts: 2,071
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#12
Thank you for this reminder. It's important for everyone who was harmed in therapy to remember that they are not alone.
My biggest wish is for this issue to be more widely recognized and validated. But that depends on how openly and courageously each one of us speaks out about this publicly. No one notices you until you make noise, don't go away and make people notice you. My other wish is for all survivors to accept each others experiences and their ways of coping and healing without judgments. My way of understanding and overcoming this trauma may be different from yours and yours may be different from mine. This does not invalidate either one. Way too often I see victims of this abuse lashing out at each other and hurting each other just because they feel like a different way in which someone else processes traumatic experience somehow invalidates their own experience, their own personal story. This attitude diminishes the potential benefit of any support group and often makes such groups more hurtful than helpful for some members. At the time when such little (next to nothing) support and so few resources are available to survivors, it seems to me like the last thing we all need is to **** on each other. Whatever the differences of opinion we might have on this subject, I believe, it's perfectly possible to express it respectfully without the intention to hurt and then to continue to support those who might disagree with us on one thing or another, because this is a wise and compassionate thing to do. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
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#13
Quote:
There seems to me to be enough anecdotal and other evidence to justify more intensive, rigorous study about this. The therapists are usually oriented toward doing therapy and "helping with" whatever is there, but the look-to-the-powerful-authority response that is seemingly automatic and not fully conscious or a matter of choice for some of us -- well, I guess that gets into a (social) debate about free will and choice and etc., etc. I think the response could be studied without all that social stuff, if anybody were interested. But what to study and what gets funded gets back into the social arena. |
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HD7970GHZ, precaryous
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HD7970GHZ, precaryous
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
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#14
Quote:
Mine never said anything that horrible, but she did tell me that she didn't think any other therapist would put up with me, which is a pretty terrible thing to say to a 14 year old. I wasn't even a particularly difficult client at that age. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: here
Posts: 1,845
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#15
Quote:
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HD7970GHZ, LabRat27
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,734
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#16
I hesitate to call my exT unethical, because I still love and am in contact w/ him.
I don't know. (not a sexual relationship - never was) |
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DP_2017, HD7970GHZ
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Member
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 32
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#17
Its been 3 years and I am still a mess I feel like I will never get over it.
Last edited by inmydreams; Apr 02, 2018 at 10:24 AM.. Reason: 8 |
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Chummy2, HD7970GHZ, koru_kiwi, mostlylurking, precaryous, Topiarysurvivor
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HD7970GHZ, precaryous
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,414
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#18
I agree, hearing stories would be interesting/helpful but I also get the reluctance to share them here.
I am sorry for all of you who had to go through stuff like this. Cyber hugs for you all. |
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HD7970GHZ
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HD7970GHZ, Topiarysurvivor
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: here
Posts: 1,845
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#19
Most, if not all, here have posted our experiences detailing what happened. We’re people, not tv shows.
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HD7970GHZ, precaryous
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,414
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#20
I'm not sure I've seen those posts?? Anyway.... yes of course you're people but people sharing stories is part of the human connection.
Last edited by DP_2017; Apr 02, 2018 at 09:14 AM.. |
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