[LabRat27]

I don't necessarily mean sexual fantasies.
I feel so ashamed and weird about the fact that I do this and I guess I'm hoping for some reassurance that maybe I'm not the only one.
Like at night as I'm falling asleep I'll imagine lying on T's chest with his arm around me while he holds me.
Or I'll imagine showing him my self harm scars and him not being able to keep a neutral face and getting choked up/teary-eyed.
I always feel like I'm doing something invasive and wrong for these thoughts, especially ones like the first one because it's so intimate and inappropriate.

[satsuma]

Yes. I like to imagine or fantasise that T is kind of baby-sitting me in the evening: that he tells me to get some sleep and not to worry, that he will be here (like in the next room, or downstairs, or something like that) if I need anything.

Labrat: I don't think these are wrong in any way. Lots of people have these experiences in real life over many years while they are growing up. Those of us who didn't missed out on a huge thing and then when we receive care from the therapist I think it is in some way making up for those huge gaps. I know very well that my T will never come around to my house and nor would it be appropriate, but he is caring and he is there for me (within the limits of therapy) and so I feel like I'm getting a little bit of what I missed before. In a way maybe my mind is kind of filling it in, or something like that?

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I always have the same story about my T which I repeat in my head when falling asleep. It's a pretty terrible story, but it calms me enough to fall asleep. If I'm upset during the day I often have some kind of fantasy version of my T to walk me through coping strategies. I think as long as it doesn't interfere with anything or bothers you, it's completely fine.

[Echos Myron redux]

My weirdest one is that there's an apocalypse and we're the only two people left. I think it's so extreme because there is literally no other way we're ever going to live together and be together all the time. I managed to tell him about it but it was really difficult because it was so embarrassing. He was fine with it of course.
Sometimes when I go to bed I imagine him lying with me and seeing me off to sleep. That's a very young fantasy for me I think.

[Merope]

Yup, all the time. I too, think of T as I fall asleep at night and make up all sorts of different scenarios. He usually takes the role of "dad" in my head...so my fantasies revolve around him either being my biological or adoptive father (I'm cringing as I'm writing this down, btw). Sometimes I fantasise about him "saving me" (double cringe) either from cutting too deeply or looking after me if I do cut too deeply.

At other times my daydreams are a little more empowering, so to speak. Like T seeing me do something good/interesting and being impressed, or seeing me at work doing something cool and out of the ordinary--and having no choice but to be impressed.

I also sometimes fantasise about saving him from terrorists or pirates or aliens...(I know, triple cringe). Once I made up a whole "end of the world zombie apocalypse" type thing in my head revolving around us being stuck in his consultation room and having to survive on toothpaste and crackers (don't ask).

[Mike_J]

Yes I do, and they are so embarrassing.

She is VERY attractive and the only fantasy I can really hold in my head is just the two of us having a "normal" conversation. Very disappointing

[Merope]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron (again)

My weirdest one is that there's an apocalypse and we're the only two people left. I think it's so extreme because there is literally no other way we're ever going to live together and be together all the time. I managed to tell him about it but it was really difficult because it was so embarrassing. He was fine with it of course.
Sometimes when I go to bed I imagine him lying with me and seeing me off to sleep. That's a very young fantasy for me I think.

Ah, I read this after I posted my reply! I can't believe there's someone else out there who fantasises about there being an apocalypse! This is great!

[Argonautomobile]

Brains are weird. Sometimes they think up some real weird-*** ****. That's okay. That's everybody. I think it's important to try and not be too judgmental about the weird **** that floats around in those three pounds of pink fat that nobody understands.

Lately I have a "fantasy" about what might happen if T were to lose his mind and make some physically demonstrative gesture toward me. It usually ends with me swinging my man purse at him. I have no idea why I think about this - he would never do that.

It's okay. It's not just you.

Mine is imagining us sitting together on a covered patio somewhere drinking hot tea and watching a thunderstorm, not talking, just be-ing.

[LonesomeTonight]

Yes...with my marriage counselor, my first hints of transference were my wishes that he could just hold me. At first I thought it was more of a romantic thing, but then realized it was more of a little-kid thing, like wanting him to protect me. I also had the thought of curling up with my head on his chest...like being able to hear his heartbeat. (Not so much having those thoughts anymore regarding him...)

I've had a few thoughts about current T, including one when I had a cold recently of him bringing me some tea (not sure what was up with that one, except that he has a tea cart in his waiting room). I also had this weird though a while back of sort of tagging along while he was grocery shopping and talking to him. I hadn't thought much about him holding me until a fleeting thought recently, after I was stressed about sharing something with him, and he was accepting of it. I'm not entirely clear if with him it's paternal or something else. I think it was more comfort than anything.

[LabRat27]

Originally Posted by satsuma

Yes. I like to imagine or fantasise that T is kind of baby-sitting me in the evening: that he tells me to get some sleep and not to worry, that he will be here (like in the next room, or downstairs, or something like that) if I need anything.


Labrat: I don't think these are wrong in any way. Lots of people have these experiences in real life over many years while they are growing up. Those of us who didn't missed out on a huge thing and then when we receive care from the therapist I think it is in some way making up for those huge gaps. I know very well that my T will never come around to my house and nor would it be appropriate, but he is caring and he is there for me (within the limits of therapy) and so I feel like I'm getting a little bit of what I missed before. In a way maybe my mind is kind of filling it in, or something like that?

Thank you.

I definitely think it's about something I didn't receive growing up. I half-jokingly tell people that my parents are both mathematicians which explains a lot about my childhood. There was not a lot of warmth or sentiment. My therapist doesn't shy away from those things or seem to judge me for feeling things. I eventually get uncomfortable with the sincerity and deflect it with humor, but he doesn't seem to feel the need to do so.

So I think maybe I'm still too uncomfortable with being able to hear the things I'd like to hear, but I can let myself imagine receiving it nonverbally in the form of physical comfort or emotional responses from him.

[Elio]

Yep, I have all kinds of non-sexual fantasies with my T, anything from being held to violence towards her and the entire world between. Just this weekend the fantasy was of her taking me to the toy store and letting me explore while she watched me and showed interest in the things that I was interested in.

I have fantasized about us just hanging out and watching tv together, eating popcorn, and drinking a beer. There have been a few times when she has come to mind during sex but it freaked me out so I pushed that away as fast as I could. Lol

I'm not sure if it constitutes fantasy but I often imagine having conversations about topics I want to bring up. Almost like a mental rehearsal for the real thing. They're only ever one-sided when I imagine them and I never imagine their reaction or reply. It's like trying to learn my own lines I guess?

Unfortunately when the real thing starts I often chicken out, or all that mental practice goes out the window and I struggle to put into words what had come so easily outside the session.

[coolibrarian]

I used to, but then I told her about it and it doesn't help me anymore.

[maybeblue]

Yes. Usually just when I'm having trouble falling asleep. I think it's pretty normal actually. Maybe it's because there's never really enough time in therapy to talk about everything. I always think I need more. I kinda doubt I'll ever tell him about it though. I rarely think about it during session, and I'm pretty sure I can keep it under control.

[stopdog]

I had fantasies of her receiving cartoon violence upon her person - an anvil dropped on her head, squashed by a giant tank, falling into boiling oil etc. - Think Itchy and Scratchy or her being Wile E. Coyote and falling off of the cliff sorts of things.

I dont fantasize, but I do replay in my head sessions that have been really helpful or where I have had breakthroughs.

[junkDNA]

I usually just remember things he's done for me. Like staying in the treatment house I was in one night... I saw him sleeping on the couch early the next morning. Because I was sui. Or rubbing my arm when we were on the airplane and I was having voices. When he drove me to another city and said he felt so protective of me being in his car. Him tucking me in one night... Him feeding me apples that he dipped in peanut butter

My t used to do a lot of fantasy type stuff for me. But that's the problem w making fantasies come true. It never turns out how you want it to

Also my former t... Is a prime example

[junkDNA]

With that said I think fantasizing is fine and normal

I think I'm going to turn my fantasy into a poem....

[chihirochild]

All. The. Time. Most of mine are about being comforted--t stroking my hair or holding me while I'm upset.

I definitely feel embarrassed about them (and feel suuuuuper squirmy whenever I talk with t about them) but I also know that it's something that happens with lots and lots of people in therapy, and that it's an interesting source of info about me / my relationship with t. So I try not to let the embarrassment cause me too much suffering, if that makes sense.

When I was doing attachment therapy I had images of my therapist soothing me out of session continuously, even though she did holding therapy. After termination I used the images a lot to sooth myself, but now the adult me has taken the therapist place in my head. It usually works when I feel a need to self-sooth, but at this moment it is not working so I am having extra sessions with my standby therapist. I also have a huge silk cloth that my previous therapist gave me that I use to often wrap myself up in it, sleep with it or had it nearby when I was home. I even carried it in my purse a few time during the first few years. Now, I travel a lot and it has been around the world with me, but I don't usually notice it, but I do make sure it is at the top of my list when I pack.

I have no shame about these needs because my attachment therapist helped me learn it's what I need, and I am okay with that.

[mostlylurking]

In the beginning, I couldn't handle not being able to play my usual care-taker role, so I used to have various daydreams in which I rescued him in some way. Like he had an injury I helped him with, or he was leaving for an appointment just after our session but his car wouldn't start so I gave him a ride. I think those were also fantasies where the power imbalance was reversed, and that was part of their appeal.

Over time these faded. I bought him kleenex once when he'd run out, and I told him that since there's no basement in his building, during a tornado warning he should go to the cement stairway at the end of the hall. Sometime in there the caretaking fantasies faded, although after being terminated they came back. He was so awkward when I saw him afterward that I had thoughts about taking him aside and comforting him. But I definitely think part of that is wanting to get back some power.

Anyway, I think fantasies are normal and could even be useful to talk about in therapy, though god knows that can be hard to do.

[annielovesbacon]

Yes all the time lol! Some of them are totally normal, like imagining what I will say to her in our next session... some of them are absolutely wild and unrealistic. I think it's completely normal to have these sorts of fantasies/daydreams