[Bcefbc]

Have you guys ever gotten into something with your therapist and it got to be too deep or too much and you said you didn’t want to talk about it anymore? Did your therapist push you because the deep stuff is good or respect your boundaries?

[annielovesbacon]

My therapist once noticed my self harm scars (old scars, from years ago) and asked about them. I told her the truth -- yes, it's self harm, no I don't do it anymore, they are from years ago, etc. She started to ask me questions about it, and I told her I had no desire to talk about it. It doesn't affect my life anymore. She respected that and we moved on.

There are a several topics I'm uncomfortable with, and some that I just cannot talk about into no matter how hard I try to. When it is too much I can say I'm finding it too difficult or uncomfortable and they will respect that. They won't try to force me to talk about it until I'm ready.

That said, they may still talk about it themself, but just without pressuring to get me to do so. Kind of an attempt to assure me it's okay to discuss it by being the one to talk openly about it. Even then I still can't open up though.

I have had previous therapists who didn't show that same respect and I would walk out feeling retraumatized. My psychiatrist is a bit bad this way. During our talks they'll ask questions that are totally blunt and way beyond my comfort zone, and each time I have to tell them I'm too uncomfortable to speak about it.

[Elio]

My T respects my no, granted if she doesn't I tend to dissociate so doesn't really do her much good to push me past where I push myself. I do push myself.

Many times I am able to loop back the topic after we have talked about something else and I have gotten things more regulated.

[Argonautomobile]

Yes, I've said this. He drops it right away, though sometimes asks if it's alright to bring up another time.

[LabRat27]

He'll push me if he thinks it's something that I'm reluctant to talk about but would be beneficial, but if I completely shut it down he'll respect that.

We had one time when after him asking about my grief and loss and that situation for a short while, I changed from kind of leaning hunched forward with my legs uncrossed (the position I'd originally been in since the beginning, kind of curled in on myself) to leaning back in the chair (pulling away) and crossing my legs and crossing my arms across myself.
He asked if I was cold and I said "nope." He then made some comment that he had asked because that was such a sudden and dramatic change in my posture and I was like "yep." I then told him I was usually aware of the signals I was sending, it was just a question of whether or not I chose to try to hide those signals. And after a few seconds of silence I was like "that change meant I was done talking about this" and he was like "yeah, that was the message I got."
So we moved on.

[Cantfindthewords]

I had an issue with this at my last session. T knew I wanted to talk about something, but I just couldn’t. She pushed me until I get really angry, in the end I ended up changing the subject and she’s said “nice distraction”. In hindsight, I really respect her for doing it, she is trying to take me to a new level to open up, and I was so close, maybe next time...

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've said it many times to my T. I often regret it afterwards, and push myself at a later date to talk about it. T is always respectful of my wishes. Sometimes she pushes, but most the time she leaves it alone.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

My T always respects if I don't want to talk about something. Even if we are already discussing the topic, if I say I want to change topic, it's always done.

[Lemoncake]

A bit of both really, it depends. I think he's learnt when I need to be pushed along and when to just let it be.

[MoxieDoxie]

I tried that. I am not talking about it and his response was that he was not going to ***** foot around uncomfortable situations and that I can talk about it and learn how to come out of a "shut down dissociated state" participate or I can leave.

[healed84]

Both for me.. there are times t will just drop it and understand I am not in a place to talk about it at the time.

But, he has also pushed a healthy amount on a topics that I am avoiding not because I am not ready, but because I am being stubborn that day, or just avoidant in general. I think it takes a good t to be able to discern about the two. He has been wrong at points, and pushes me when I wasn’t ready, and I told him and he apologized and we moved on.

[toomanycats]

My T never pushes if I say I don't want to talk about something.

[DP_2017]

I shut down often and he rarely pushes so it feels like little or no progress often. One thing that helps is writing the hard stuff down and letting them read it, go from there

[ruh roh]

She drops it, with the exception of one topic, so I just tune out when she tries to sneak that back in.

[healinginprogress]

She absolutely will respect my no. I especially think it's because she's trying to show me that it's ok for me to say no and that I don't have to explain myself.

[nottrustin]

For the most part they both encourage me to tell them I need to change the subject. They respect that and we do.

The exception has been when I struggle with maladaptive coping skills. She will sometimes ask how I am doing with that. On a couple of occasions I told her I didn't really want to talk about it. She will say we can change the subject but by doing so I am telling her I am struggling with it. So I grumble a bit and we talk about it.

Or once I didn't want to talk about something with EMDR T bevause it was to painful. So we tried changing the subject. But everything kept leading back there. T apologized for asking questions that lead us there. I realized though it wasn't because she was trying to push me but that it effects every aspect of my life.

[maybeblue]

There is no way he would push me to talk about something I really didn't want to talk about. If I even say that something is difficult or embarrassing to talk about he always tells me "you don't have to talk about that if you don't want to." I think that is absolutely the right way to deal with me because being coerced or pushed into doing something that I didn't want to do is a big part of my past trauma.

[stopdog]

I do not respond to being bullied by a therapist. If I say I am not going to talk about something, then I do not. All the pressure a therapist can apply will not move me. I will do things in my own time and way - not that of a therapist.

[velcro003]

My T has always respected my need to change the subject, and easily moves on, with one exception:

Possible trigger:

when she was trying to determine if i was a danger to leave her office (SUI), she pushed me to talk about it or was going to have to call the police

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I tried that. I am not talking about it and his response was that he was not going to ***** foot around uncomfortable situations and that I can talk about it and learn how to come out of a "shut down dissociated state" participate or I can leave.

That doesn't sound therapeutic or supportive in any way. It sounds horrible. I think I would leave and not come back.

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I tried that. I am not talking about it and his response was that he was not going to ***** foot around uncomfortable situations and that I can talk about it and learn how to come out of a "shut down dissociated state" participate or I can leave.

This sounds horrible I am so sorry you had to hear that. I would be so upset. I think they should let us go at our own pace and they have no business trying to push us into theirs.

[velcro003]

Yeah Moxie, that is TERRIBLE of a T to say! Ugh.

T has pushed me in the past, this has lead to many ruptures because t has been misattuned. When I said to her afterwards she went too far she will say I thought our relationship was strong enough for the challenge, when I didn’t think so at all.
I don’t know what possesses a t to push a client further than their own support, it’s so dangerous and unnecessary.

[Mini2018]

Your therapists a bully and a thug. Even on the worst of worst days you should never feel uncomfortable or like your being coerced to open up. They're there to help you discover you, not smash you open with a sledge hammer.

Sheesh.

First rule of DBT. "No" is a complete sentence. That therapist needs to go back to school after being reported!