[stopdog]

Do you use a therapist to model a behavior?

I do not. I have better boundaries than any therapist I have ever seen and I do not think therapists are better at life than anyone else. I don't think of a therapist as a teacher or expert at life or anything like that.

[atisketatasket]

If I wanted to follow a model for unempathic behavior that damages vulnerable people, sure, I actually can’t think of a better possible model.

If I wanted to follow a model for healthy boundaries and professional, ethical behavior, yeah, not so much.

(Disclaimer: refers to my personal experiences and not anyone else’s.)

[JaneTennison1]

Rarely. I do ask what her experience is with people sometimes as I'm curious what a "normal" reaction would be

[growlycat]

I sometimes look to see how t handles his own anxiety or past trauma. Sometimes I try to learn from what he says about his own interpersonal relationships. In general I don’t think I’d make decisions the way he does. He jumps in to things and I like to educate myself first

[unaluna]

Yes - my t is very soft-spoken. Whereas i tend always to use MY OUTSIDE VOICE.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yes - my t is very soft-spoken. Whereas i tend always to use MY OUTSIDE VOICE.

Yeah, but your outside voice is so...dulcet?

[LittleAfrica]

No. The therapist is portraying themselves in a particular way. They're in a role. It's hard to gauge authenticity from that. I cannot model behaviour from a source where this is in question.

[Echos Myron redux]

Yes absolutely. He is my model of a good enough parent. He is my model of what a therapist should be. He is my model for how I can approach my feelings and my relationship with my body. He is a wonderful person and a wonderful model for me. I'm sure everything I've just said is completely alien to you, but you have just hit upon exactly what he is for me. He is a model, personally and professionally.

[smallbluefish]

I chose "sometimes," but that's because I learn something about boundaries and helpful/harmful models of behaviour or communication from everyone I meet. I definitely don't see my therapist as a teacher or as inherently more skilled than other people, but I do acknowledge that he has a lot of skills that he can support me in developing for myself. my therapist is also very kind, and that's something I value and count as a skill.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Yes. When I started therapy, I had zero healthy coping skills, didn't know how to regulate my emotions and how to sooth myself. Most of what I have learned so far is imitating my Ts behavior while I am having a hard time to calm myself down, cope with my feelings and not have feelings that are as intense.

I also find that I shape my relationships outside of therapy a lot more according to what I see and hear in therapy. If T tells me I am allowed to just not reply to a text for a day and that he sometimes does this too, I will be much more inclined to actually not reply if I don't feel like it, instead of just trying to please people.

No, with our lives and pasts being so different there would be little point in me attempting to emulate them.

I go to my therapist for help with overcoming events that knocked my life off track very early on. Much of our time is spent trying to find different ways to decrease the amount of control those events continue to have over me. So learning how to minimize the degree my senses get taken over during flashbacks, grounding myself to try to counter strong depersonalization, as well as experimenting with different activities to try to awaken numbed emotions and interests, etc.

My therapists' specific field within therapy is about helping individuals like myself to learn the personal and social skills that people normally develop as they grow. If were to merely copy them I wouldn't be learning what they're trying to impart.

[scorpiosis37]

No, when I was in therapy I did not use her to model behavior. First, I don’t have any need for that. I wasn’t in therapy for anything relating to behavior. Second, my T had nothing I would be interested in emulating in that regard. I liked my T, but I think my own way of being is healthier and more likely to bring success in my life.

No, kind of the opposite actually.

I used therapy (in part) to strengthen and feel more comfortable with who I am and be less concerned with how others are.

[skysblue]

I answered 'other' because I don't know how my T acts in RL. So, she's not a model in that regard. BUT, she's awesome in guiding me in discovering myself. That's what I love about her.

[healinginprogress]

Sometimes. My T does a very good job of modeling some behaviors and not so good at modeling other, but she is human after all. I try to model her confidence and interactions with others.

[BudFox]

I did not look to therapists to model behavior. Most of them modeled ambiguous and questionable interpersonal boundaries just because of the nature of their job.

Seems so arbitrary... therapist as behavior model. What is the basis for this?

[AllHeart]

No. I can't think of any behaviors t exhibits during the 2-3 hours a month I see her that I would want or need to model after, or don't already possess myself. I just don't look to my therapist to fill any such role at this age.

[ruh roh]

After the last presidential election, I was reeling and she was not offering much help, so I said I thought she was supposed to model how to cope in the face of adversity and she indicated she had to catch her breath over it herself.

[GeekyOne]

I suspect this question was prompted by something I said in another thread. However, for those who didn't see that, yes absolutely I use my therapist to model behaviour.

That's been a huge component of my therapy. She has showed me how to use coping skills to calm myself when I'm in distress. She has also, through her relationship and therapy with me, taught me (or, more accurately, is teaching me slowly) various things that are definitely transferrable to other, non-therapeutic relationships, including:

• it's possible to care about someone but still have boundaries/say 'no'
• it's possible to get angry at someone without being destructive or ending the relationship
• it's okay to ask questions when I don't understand something that's been said
• just because something someone said is hurtful to me doesn't mean that was the intent
• I'm not a boring person
• some people might actually be interested in getting to know me

My T takes a very Rogerian approach to my therapy (person-centered therapy), and is heavily influenced by Irvin Yalom (who said "it's the relationship that heals"). This works well for me.

[maybeblue]

I have used my therapist as a model of how to be more assertive and also how to respond to criticism non-defensively....still working on that last one.

No, definitely not. With most behaviours I wouldn’t look to her as a model but I have say she is good repairing ruptures and also at cAusing them.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

I wish I could get in touch with & express emotions with as much control & clarity as he does.

[BonnieJean]

I said sometimes. T is better at managing uncertainty than I am, for instance.

[annielovesbacon]

No. Interacting with my therapist is not like interacting with people in the "real world," it is like interacting with any other medical professional (except my dentist does not know much about my sex life). So I suppose if I wanted to also be a therapist, maybe I would model the behaviors I found helpful. But I don't want to be a therapist, so... no.