[SarahSweden]

I´ve now seen my current T for more than half a year and I like seeing her and be in therapy with her. But I still get very nervous before therapy, I always see her in the afternoons and the morning before that I become nervous and anxious, sometimes being close to feel dizzy. I´ve never cancelled any sessions but I´ve often felt that "perhaps I can´t see her today" before I actually leave my house to take the train to see her.

The train trip is the hardest together with waiting for her in the waiting area. Today I were almost thinking of leaving just before she met me in this waiting area. I get stomach problems because of this, the hours before I see her.


After our sessions I more or less always feel a lot better and by that I "should have" learned by now that our sessions more or less always brings something good even if I sometimes feel a bit disappointed.


I´ve told my T this a few times and she´s supportive and in a way it hasn´t to do with her as it´s not about being afraid or talking to her. I´ve felt this with every counsellor I've met with who meant something to me.

Can anyone relate to this? Do you have any tips on how to handle this and how to get less nervous before session?

[feileacan]

I've experienced that many times but that was already a while ago. I don't think there is any magic of how to handle that. I believe it gets better over time when the relationship becomes more real to you.

For me, this anxiety felt like something very good is about to happen (although it never did, it was like a distant dream about something that seems close enough but still out of hands). Now I think I experience our relationship more real, it's not a distant dream anymore and thus there's no reason for such an anxiety anymore before sessions. Honestly, I did not do anything for it to go away, other than just consistently showing up to my sessions and struggling to understand what's supposed to be happening in those sessions (I still often don't know but somehow it seems not to matter at all).

I have no tips on how to handle it but I struggle with the same feelings. I can't eat or drink before sessions because my stomach is in knots. You are definitely not alone.

[velcro003]

I'm the same way, though less so with my current T in some respects, but I always get nervous. That will never NOT be a thing.

I've seen my T for over 70 sessions now and I fight nausea, stomach pain or bowel issues in the hours before therapy, during the commute, and in the waiting room.

No matter what I do beforehand before the commute, I have to hit the bathroom before I enter the waiting room. It's purely anxiety before sessions that cause this.

Like you, I actually like talking with my T so it isn't her that's causing it. Yet I'm relatively comfortable with public transport on days that AREN'T therapy day. I think it's because of the emotional vulnerability of sessions and mu subconscious anxiety surfaces through stomach and bowel issues.

My T says pushing away anxiety makes it worse, so I try to accept that I'm anxious. I also try not to focus on my "just before therapy only IBS" because focusing on bodily symptoms of anxiety increases my anxiety and creates a vicious cycle.

Part of my anxiety was fear that I would literally soil myself in public during the commute and therefore have to "no show" to therapy. Last session, I finally told my therapist about the "afraid I'll soil myself and no show without another appointment lined up" fear and she told me what the clinic does when patients don't show up and didn't have another appointment scheduled. Hopefully that will help me.

[DP_2017]

I am like this too and I get this way before we have scheduled texts or when I used to get an email BUT I love talking to him more than anyone in my life. He makes me happy. I think because of the ruptures in the past, there is always a part of me that is unsure if/when it could happen again.

In general I have social anxiety too so I think the anxiety of saying or doing something stupid is always there.

Sadly no way to help that I know of. Once I see him though, it instantly vanishes for me.

[imnotbroken]

I know exactly how you feel. I started reading this and it totally seems like something I would write! I’ve been in therapy for over a year now and I still get nervous before the appointment, to the point that I can’t eat a proper lunch. And the worst is that the nervousness remains during session. T has noticed this, and her acknowledging it made me even more nervous! She asked me why do I think it happens, but I can’t figure out why. I like talking to her.

[InnerPeace111]

I can definitely relate to this, Sarah. I can relate so much to everyone’s responses so far. I’m the same way and I suffer through it each week. I have no answer for it.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I think trying to write down or imagine what will happen in session could be useful. At least writing could lessen some of the thoughts about things not going well. But many of us seem to have the same problem and no single solution to it.

Originally Posted by feileacan

I've experienced that many times but that was already a while ago. I don't think there is any magic of how to handle that. I believe it gets better over time when the relationship becomes more real to you.

For me, this anxiety felt like something very good is about to happen (although it never did, it was like a distant dream about something that seems close enough but still out of hands). Now I think I experience our relationship more real, it's not a distant dream anymore and thus there's no reason for such an anxiety anymore before sessions. Honestly, I did not do anything for it to go away, other than just consistently showing up to my sessions and struggling to understand what's supposed to be happening in those sessions (I still often don't know but somehow it seems not to matter at all).

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. As you I always need to see to there is time to go to the bathroom before my session starts. Fortunately there´s a waiting area "far" from our meeting room and my T doesn´t see me entering that waiting room.


Once I had to get some water in a mug in the bathroom as the cafeteria was closed and my T met with me coming out of the bathroom. But she saw me filling my mug with water as I didn´t close the bathroom door so it was not too embarrassing.

I think one could try some distractions before sessions and before leaving for the train station. I try to talk to myself about other things, the weather or what I´m wearing, like a little discussion and that helps a bit sometimes.

If I really did throw up or feel so dizzy I couldn´t go all the way to her office I´d probably just texted her or perhaps phone her and blamed it on my migraine. I wouldn´t say I was so nervous I throw up on my way to you but it´s good to be as honest as you when you told your T about your stomach problems and nervousness.

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I've seen my T for over 70 sessions now and I fight nausea, stomach pain or bowel issues in the hours before therapy, during the commute, and in the waiting room.

No matter what I do beforehand before the commute, I have to hit the bathroom before I enter the waiting room. It's purely anxiety before sessions that cause this.

Like you, I actually like talking with my T so it isn't her that's causing it. Yet I'm relatively comfortable with public transport on days that AREN'T therapy day. I think it's because of the emotional vulnerability of sessions and mu subconscious anxiety surfaces through stomach and bowel issues.

My T says pushing away anxiety makes it worse, so I try to accept that I'm anxious. I also try not to focus on my "just before therapy only IBS" because focusing on bodily symptoms of anxiety increases my anxiety and creates a vicious cycle.

Part of my anxiety was fear that I would literally soil myself in public during the commute and therefore have to "no show" to therapy. Last session, I finally told my therapist about the "afraid I'll soil myself and no show without another appointment lined up" fear and she told me what the clinic does when patients don't show up and didn't have another appointment scheduled. Hopefully that will help me.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. I relate to what you write about ruptures. I think my anxiety before sessions has it roots in the fear of being abandoned and that my T suddenly tells me that she can´t see me anymore or that she has to see me less often or similar.

As for you, my anxiety fades rather fast, it passes during the first five minutes or so. That´s at least something, it would be worse if there was a constant anxiety during session as well.

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I am like this too and I get this way before we have scheduled texts or when I used to get an email BUT I love talking to him more than anyone in my life. He makes me happy. I think because of the ruptures in the past, there is always a part of me that is unsure if/when it could happen again.

In general I have social anxiety too so I think the anxiety of saying or doing something stupid is always there.

Sadly no way to help that I know of. Once I see him though, it instantly vanishes for me.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. I couldn´t eat lunch just before session either. I usually eat breakfast but that´s about two hours or more before session. I think your T should be able to help you find out why you´re anxious also during session. Then she sees you and can ask about those moments when she sees you nervous.

Originally Posted by imnotbroken

I know exactly how you feel. I started reading this and it totally seems like something I would write! I’ve been in therapy for over a year now and I still get nervous before the appointment, to the point that I can’t eat a proper lunch. And the worst is that the nervousness remains during session. T has noticed this, and her acknowledging it made me even more nervous! She asked me why do I think it happens, but I can’t figure out why. I like talking to her.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I've seen my T for over 70 sessions now and I fight nausea, stomach pain or bowel issues in the hours before therapy, during the commute, and in the waiting room.

No matter what I do beforehand before the commute, I have to hit the bathroom before I enter the waiting room. It's purely anxiety before sessions that cause this.

Like you, I actually like talking with my T so it isn't her that's causing it. Yet I'm relatively comfortable with public transport on days that AREN'T therapy day. I think it's because of the emotional vulnerability of sessions and mu subconscious anxiety surfaces through stomach and bowel issues.

My T says pushing away anxiety makes it worse, so I try to accept that I'm anxious. I also try not to focus on my "just before therapy only IBS" because focusing on bodily symptoms of anxiety increases my anxiety and creates a vicious cycle.

Part of my anxiety was fear that I would literally soil myself in public during the commute and therefore have to "no show" to therapy. Last session, I finally told my therapist about the "afraid I'll soil myself and no show without another appointment lined up" fear and she told me what the clinic does when patients don't show up and didn't have another appointment scheduled. Hopefully that will help me.

This explains how I react PERFECTLY.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by feileacan

I've experienced that many times but that was already a while ago. I don't think there is any magic of how to handle that. I believe it gets better over time when the relationship becomes more real to you.

For me, this anxiety felt like something very good is about to happen (although it never did, it was like a distant dream about something that seems close enough but still out of hands). Now I think I experience our relationship more real, it's not a distant dream anymore and thus there's no reason for such an anxiety anymore before sessions. Honestly, I did not do anything for it to go away, other than just consistently showing up to my sessions and struggling to understand what's supposed to be happening in those sessions (I still often don't know but somehow it seems not to matter at all).

Wow. I can really relate to this. I like your description of it feeling like a distant dream and it gives me hope to hear you say that it got better. I sometimes worry that our relationship will never feel real because it’s taking so long. I also like the “struggling to understand what’s supposed to be happening.” Thought I was the only one.

On mornings when I go to therapy, most of my anxiety stems from knowing I'll have to leave in an hour. I worry that I'll waste time saying nothing of value, and I worry more about how bad I'll feel when I leave. The time goes so quickly, and when I'm there, I don't want to go so soon.

My T's office is about a 10 min walk from my house, and the walk home after a session always feels like a lonely walk of shame. Leaving her office and taking the elevator downstairs and walking through the lobby of the building... it's the worst part of therapy for me because it just feels lonely.

Sometimes I listen to music on my way there. Like, happy dance music to distract me. I think it does help.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. That´s interesting that you say you feel shame after a session, why is that? If you want to share. I sometimes feel a bit sad after session and that's much because I feel I didn´t get so much out of it. But that was mostly earlier in our contact, when I talked on a more intellectual level and didn´t show that much of emotions.


When I dared crying and be more open I also feel less lonely during the week, perhaps that could relate to you.

Originally Posted by rdbique

On mornings when I go to therapy, most of my anxiety stems from knowing I'll have to leave in an hour. I worry that I'll waste time saying nothing of value, and I worry more about how bad I'll feel when I leave. The time goes so quickly, and when I'm there, I don't want to go so soon.

My T's office is about a 10 min walk from my house, and the walk home after a session always feels like a lonely walk of shame. Leaving her office and taking the elevator downstairs and walking through the lobby of the building... it's the worst part of therapy for me because it just feels lonely.

Sometimes I listen to music on my way there. Like, happy dance music to distract me. I think it does help.

I have only seen my therapist five times so who knows how I will feel six months from now but as for here and now I get really worked up before seeing her. My anxiety is a 'performance' anxiety. Namely, I worry that she may find me not sick enough. As she communicates everything from my sessions with my Veterans' Affairs case worker I am terrified about the consequences. My boyfriend has tried to be encouraging. He has pointed out that by the very fact I panic means that, yes, I need to see her.

[SparkySmart]

I don't see a therapist anymore, but I used to get nervous before seeing one, and I still get very anxious waiting for appointments with my pdoc. He makes medication adjustments based on his observations, and I try very hard to behave (and dress) in a reasonable manner that reflects my day-to-day behavior instead of giving in to my natural tendency to exaggerate. Above all, I strive to be honest because I know he takes me seriously, and I'm always concerned about using the time wisely because it's so expensive.

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

Thanks. That´s interesting that you say you feel shame after a session, why is that? If you want to share. I sometimes feel a bit sad after session and that's much because I feel I didn´t get so much out of it. But that was mostly earlier in our contact, when I talked on a more intellectual level and didn´t show that much of emotions.

When I dared crying and be more open I also feel less lonely during the week, perhaps that could relate to you.

I think the shame when I leave comes from the impersonal nature of things. I know as soon as I leave, my T will bring the next person in, and then the next one. I feel like just a number, and I feel almost used or manipulated for being in this one-sided relationship. But I also love my T, and I want to talk to her and see her. And I resent that, too, because I don't think she has any opinions about wanting to talk to me or see me. I think she's caring, but... I'm not important to her or anything. Anyway-- That's the stuff that goes through my head when I leave her office, and those are the feelings I dread as soon as I walk through her doors.

[starfishing]

I definitely relate strongly to what you're describing. I'm still frequently very anxious/nervous before (and during) sessions, and I've been seeing my current therapist for more than 100 sessions over about a year and a half. My therapist says he expects it will decrease over time, and we've talked at some length about where it comes from and what contributes to it, in ways that have been useful.

Ultimately I think a lot of it is just my baseline hatred of being vulnerable and my worry that therapy is self-indulgent or not something I deserve. But it's also sometimes illuminating of things in a therapeutic way, to note what topics and other factors make the anxiety intensify or decrease. So I keep mentioning it and seeing what happens.

[rainbow8]

I've seen my T for 8 years and I still get anxious before most sessions. Even though I go to the bathroom at home, and T's office is only about 20 minutes away, the first place I go when I get there is the bathroom! I've always been an anxious person, so it happens anytime I go someplace stressful. I just live with it. T calms me down though sometimes I have to go again during the session. She used to ask me about it but now she doesn't.

[bobcat21]

I get nervous too I have always been a nervous person but I really get extra nervous around my T because I talk about subjects that sometimes upset me so knowing I’ll be talking about them I really get nervous.

[imnotbroken]

I had to bring this topic back to discussion... Just came back from my session with T. As predictable, I started feeling anxious about 2 hours before the appointment. I was able to eat lunch rather properly, but trouble began about 1 hour before session (e.g.: bowel distress), which did not get better until I walked into her office. And, of course, the first thing she said to me was regarding my obvious anxious state. I decided to open up and say that I do not feel this anxious during other interactions, it is only when I see her.

Then she proceeded to enlisting possible reasons for this anxiety: the therapeutic situation (having to talk openly about hard stuff), my issues with transference (putting her on a pedestal - I've talked about this with her), our common link (her late daughter suffered from a disease I was born with).

That really caught me off guard! I had no idea what to say, because, honestly, I think it's all of the above. But the thing is, I really like and trust her as a T. She told me she's going to do research on this matter, and she also asked me to think about why I feel this way. But I've tried and I never know what to say.

Sarah, has your T ever noticed your being nervous? Or for you it wears off as soon as you start talking to your T?

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. I can relate to what you say about feeling that anxiety specifically when seeing my T. Last time I was so nervous and in so much distress over things I lay crying for several hours before I got up to take a shower, have breakfast and then leave to go see her.

I think your T brought light to some important factors to this "why" about feeling nervous before seeing T. I think I can mostly relate to the fact that I kind of put her on a pedestal and I don´t want her to become hesitant about if we can continue therapy. As she always sees me in a positive light and expresses that to me I sometimes thinks about what things she wouldn´t like as a private person.


I mean, I indirectly express values all the time I talk and some of them might be the opposite of hers. Not knowing what´s what I think makes me nervous.

Perhaps my T has noticed I´m nervous but she has never said anything about it. I think I don´t show so much nervousness, I never shake or such. For me my anxiety wears off a couple of minutes into the session. I can feel a bit nervous during session as well but not near as nervous as before it.

Originally Posted by imnotbroken

I had to bring this topic back to discussion... Just came back from my session with T. As predictable, I started feeling anxious about 2 hours before the appointment. I was able to eat lunch rather properly, but trouble began about 1 hour before session (e.g.: bowel distress), which did not get better until I walked into her office. And, of course, the first thing she said to me was regarding my obvious anxious state. I decided to open up and say that I do not feel this anxious during other interactions, it is only when I see her.

Then she proceeded to enlisting possible reasons for this anxiety: the therapeutic situation (having to talk openly about hard stuff), my issues with transference (putting her on a pedestal - I've talked about this with her), our common link (her late daughter suffered from a disease I was born with).

That really caught me off guard! I had no idea what to say, because, honestly, I think it's all of the above. But the thing is, I really like and trust her as a T. She told me she's going to do research on this matter, and she also asked me to think about why I feel this way. But I've tried and I never know what to say.

Sarah, has your T ever noticed your being nervous? Or for you it wears off as soon as you start talking to your T?

[stormyisland]

I totally get like this too. For me it is because I feel like therapy is the thing I live for at the moment. It's the best part of my week and when I have to leave I feel awful, anxious and empty. It's like the only part of my life that properly feels real is with T and everything else is just going through the motions. So then the nerves are the anticipation of it like a kid at Christmas. And also dreading that the end of the hour always comes too quickly and feels so crushing, like I just can't bear it. I hate therapy just as much as I love it for exactly this reason. Almost wish I'd never bothered when it's so painful.