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Member
Member Since Jun 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 134
17 |
Nov 09, 2007 at 01:09 PM
#1
I've been in therapy for the last three years and there for a while I was really getting better. But now I feel like I am going backwards and feel like a failure. I feel so disappointed in myself and feel like my therapist is too. I just can seem to find any happiness in my life and feel down all the time. I have been working on depression for a long time and thought I was getting better but now I am not so sure. I have a session on Monday and do not even want to go because I hate to go in there and say how rotten I really do feel and that sometimes I wish I could just die and get it over with. I am feeling really lonely right now and scared of my furture. I have bad anxiety too and that does not help. I love my therapis and feel like I am letting him down. I almost can face him anymore because I feel like I should be gettin better than I am. I'm in conflice over therapy...should I continue or should I just stop let life unfold as it will for me.
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2007
Location: Sch of hard knocks.
Posts: 2,179
17 |
Nov 09, 2007 at 01:14 PM
#2
There must be something about the 3yr mark in T. I too have been in T for 3yrs and have recently thought about chucking it in and just letting life unfold just as I am. BUT fear keeps me going back, fear that I will end up in a place where I can't find my way out.
__________________ Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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Nov 09, 2007 at 04:12 PM
#3
The time of year might be having an effect too? I'm having trouble with "November" and I'm not depressed/even in therapy anymore! I think I aways got to feeling too pensive, too introverted and "alone" in the late fall/winter.
One thing therapy did for me was help me learn to "wait" until things took another turn; good, bad, or indifferent, things will "change". That helped me at least look for the next change, the next "roll of the dice" to see what would happen (with curiosity if not hope?). The longer something goes on the better the patterns show up. "The happy ending can't come in the middle of the story" -- Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn I took on the idea that if I wasn't happy yet, it wasn't the end of the story, and kept working :-) __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Posts: n/a
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Nov 09, 2007 at 05:09 PM
#4
Gosh little mouse it was like reading something I'd writtenmyself.....I dread going into therapy every week as I just cry at the slightest thing and moan and whinge like I do on pc. I feel useless and worthless and just dont know who I am or where I am headed right now. I hope you feel better soon, wish I wasn't so negative, sorry
Jinny xx |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 134
17 |
Nov 09, 2007 at 06:09 PM
#5
Thank you all for your responses. I really need some feedback from someone as the day has been long and difficulty. I am still full of anxiety and had to take an ativan to calm me down some but the deep sickness in the pit of my stomach is still there. Its a kind of dread feeling. I dread going to therapy monday but I know I have to go and face myself and my feelings. I just hope I can share them with my therapist and not sit there like some lump! I've had a hard time expressing myself of late. Can't feel anything and just "talk" out of my head instead of my feelings. Scared to share the feelings, scared of the feelings like I will loose control once I start letting them out.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
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Nov 09, 2007 at 06:34 PM
#6
What you are experiencing is quite normal. (((Hugs))) The therapy session is yours and you don't have to dread it. I hope you won't dread it, but look forward to sharing -even if it's just chit chat for a day - what is going on in your life.
You might need a few sessions of just being there, too. That's part of the therapy process also. Don't worry about the feelings getting out of hand and losing control with the T. Ts are expert in helping you regain control if that would happen. Just don't leave the big issue til the end of the session; give yourself time to feel the feeling and regain your balance before leaving the session. Why not just share with T about your friends here and what you posted and what responses you received? PC is part of your life, and it's a good place to learn to trust and decide on other feelings about yourself. TC __________________ |
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Legendary
Member Since Aug 2007
Location: West of Tampa Bay, East of the Gulf of Mexico
Posts: 14,352
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Nov 09, 2007 at 09:03 PM
#7
LIttleMouse, I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. I hope you will talk directly with your T about how you're feeling about therapy and tell him what you posted here.
I think discouraging times are very hard and when we're discouraged about the very place we go for help, then it is especially hard. My T often says "You're right where you need to be right now" or "It's part of the process and it's okay" and both are very reassuring to me and I hope to you, too. Wherever you are is a place to explore and learn about. hugs |
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