[Elio]

Has anyone else experienced what feels like the rebellious teen years within their transference? I was the "good" "perfect" kid growing up. I am finding myself feeling and doing things that I know will/would displease my T, as if she was my mom. I have huge maternal transference so it sort of makes sense. At the same time, why would I now want to be that rebellious teen? The thought/feelings are at that level, "because you can't make me", "I am my own person", "because I can". The reason I put it more to the teen level that toddler level is because I want to shove it in her face that I am doing these self-destructive things.

So?? I don't have a clue as to what I want from her (yet). Wondering if anyone else has gone through this and if so, what seemed to come of it for you?

[cinnamon_roll]

When I was in that teenage rebellion transference, it felt like testing the T and testing the relationship to me. Made sense in a way: Will you stay, even though I am being a pain?

For me it was a completely new experience. Being angry, showing my anger (towards T) very directly, and yet: She stayed on my side. And this, in itself was a very helpful experience.

Eventually for me it was about finding "new" ways (besides anger) of expressing myself and where I'm at. Yes, ultimately it was about finding myself. Since the nice teenage girl I used to be IRL, was some sort of robot and not my true self.

[MRT6211]

Thank you for this post. Yes, absolutely. I find myself going through this right now, and I did a few months ago as well. I want to do things that are going to make T mad at me and make her lecture me (she does a decent amount of that, she knows it gets through to me if she is harsh with me, and does nothing for me to sugarcoat). It doesn’t make me feel as good when she tells me that she’s proud of me as it does when she lectures me about correcting my behavior/the consequences of my actions. It’s almost like I want her to punish me and parent me in the ways that my mom never did when I was a teen, as I was typically that good kid, so she didn’t pay much attention to what I was doing, leaving me feeling neglected.
I “misbehave” and then tell T about because I want her to notice and it’s usually a cry for help. She calls it “testing” and says it is associated with the borderline, and is teaching me how to challenge these thoughts and behaviors. I was doing well with it for awhile, but recently I’ve had a backslide, and I don’t know what this is about. I suddenly feel like I need more attention from T again, and I don’t know why exactly. Definitely something I’m going to try to explore with her, though, it could lead to some good therapy progress.

I was the black sheep growing up. I refused to do what might, might have won me any approval.
I was just me. And I'm just me in therapy.

[Lemoncake]

I was a follow the rules to the letter kind of kid growing up. I know that I have previously tried to pick fights with him, sent him three emails in a day, acted out and flirted just to see how far I can push things.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I was a follow the rules to the letter kind of kid growing up. I know that I have previously tried to pick fights with him, sent him three emails in a day, acted out and flirted just to see how far I can push things.

Did he ever show you where the line was? If yes, how did it work out for you?
If no, would you have really wanted him to, how would you see that playing out? For the most, have you moved past this phase and if yes, what helped in resolving the need to push?

[Elio]

Originally Posted by cinnamon_roll

When I was in that teenage rebellion transference, it felt like testing the T and testing the relationship to me. Made sense in a way: Will you stay, even though I am being a pain?

For me it was a completely new experience. Being angry, showing my anger (towards T) very directly, and yet: She stayed on my side. And this, in itself was a very helpful experience.

Eventually for me it was about finding "new" ways (besides anger) of expressing myself and where I'm at. Yes, ultimately it was about finding myself. Since the nice teenage girl I used to be IRL, was some sort of robot and not my true self.

So far my T has stayed my side and I don't see that changing. She has not challenged me or told me to stop it and I think that is for the best. She does not acknowledge it unless I bring it up, I'm not sure if that is for the best or not. I am pretty sure if she was to tell me to stop it there would be other problems. I'm not sure I want attention from this. She knows I'm angry at her, for no apparent reason. I just have a large amount of anger towards her right now because something "is all her fault". What seems to come through in all of this is that it's her fault that I love her and I want her to make that stop by not being so... well not being her. She's not perfect and she makes mistakes. Still she ....

So maybe it is testing her, will she stay calm, will she let me sort this out at my speed and in my way or will she become a "dictator" about it. hmmm will she break her promise that this is my journey, I get to lead; will it always be about me?

[ElectricManatee]

I would not say that I've hit a rebellious phase, but I can definitely relate to not wanting her to be so kind and helpful and supportive anymore. I feel like that never lasts, so I want her to either change radically or abandon me already and just get it over with. The longer it goes on, the more I start to trust it and depend on it, and that feels incredibly risky. I don't think I deserve her caring, so I get the urge to flee her motherly kindness on a not-infrequent basis.

[Lemoncake]

Originally Posted by Elio

Did he ever show you where the line was? If yes, how did it work out for you?
If no, would you have really wanted him to, how would you see that playing out? For the most, have you moved past this phase and if yes, what helped in resolving the need to push?

I don't feel like I know where the line is per se. Where I am right now, my oldest part is too tired to test him, as I have exams coming up at the moment- the first of which is 17 days away and I know that I need him to help me get through them. I feel like the child part is coming out a lot stronger with a lot of neediness. So far he has been on the ball about replying to my emails, even if they are just to say hi and that I love him. I guess I've learnt that acting out hurts me more than talking does.

When I've really played up the ET, I've said things like " maybe I could f**k him better than his wife/ that I wanted him". I thought it would shock him, but he just normalized all of it.

I think consistency is just the main thing.