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#1
May 18, 2018, 01:04 PM
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this is about my session thursday . it left me wondering about how people feel about a t being emotional during therapy . do you like a blank slate? would you love it if your T expressed really caring about you . share things with you . etc... how does it make you feel if your T is emotional during session? how did you handle it .
so my session was so intense . i need to start by saying my T isnt bad .im having a horrible difficult time right now and im not always thinking correctly . im very SU these days and really just not giving a crap what happens to me about anything . this has been going on for a bit and i have not been dealing with it in therapy at all . she felt blind sided when she found out that i had been talking to the mother lately and that lead to a horrible session two weeks. she was so angry at me . she basically called me out on how i am being very self destructive at this point and she is helpless to do anything to stop me . that having the mother back in my life is so unhealthy . it changes me . she said the mother reinforces the message in my head that i should die and am worthless. nothing but a piece of property . the mother would prefer i be dead unless i am serving a purpose to her . she thinks when im in contact with her i take on that message deeply and she is not enough . she is not able to fight the pull the mother has over me . she feels like she failed me by not seeing sooner how much i have deteriorated . she said it breaks her heart that i am doing this to myself and she only can watch it happen because i wont let her help. that i have not been talking to her . she said that of course she is angry at it all .she is angry at herself for not seeing this .that she felt blindsided by it all and if she didnt get angry that she would cry . at this point she was crying . i dont know how to handle it when she is crying . she has never done this before . she says that she cares a lot about me and that she wants to help me and that she is so sorry for not seeing this sooner . but now that she is aware of my state and the situation with the mother she can change tactics . she realizes now what a hold the mother has on me and that we need to be able to deal with this on some level.because it is killing me . my health is bad and the stress is a big factor . my heart problems are getting worse . she said she was thankful that she knows the depth of what is going on . im not so sure she does . all the crap that is in my head . how much i dont give a crap about my health . i dont have the energy to deal with the guilt and issues around the mother . i was sobbing and just trying to tell her how bad things were getting and she just pot her head in her hand starting to cry again saying how sorry she is and wanting to know what she can do to help me at that moment . i didnt want anything from her . she said she will always get angry when she sees that i am being so self destructive . she said that anger is ok and it is because she cares about me . i told her that she needed to not be angry that it isnt ok . she said she knows it is because it reminds me of the mother . i said maybe .she pointed out that she is not the mother at all and she may get angry but it is no big deal . she gets over it and we move on . yes she felt angry and blindsided at how bad things have gotten but that was her fault . that maybe she didnt want to see it . but now that she does we can work on it if i am willing to talk to her and to let her help . she said she will never give up trying to help me and to get through to me but she knows some things need to change in my T . she needs to accept the hold the mother has and that right now i am unable to deal with things around her and that she needs to help with that . she thought i was not talking to her . it is nice to know that she cares about me and that she is fighting for me and wont give up on me .but i dont know what to do with all that .it terrifies me .i dont want to disappoint her and i feel like such a failure . when i told her that she got teary again and said "granite im so sorry ,you are not a failure . i feel i am just a failure at life and all parts involving it . she is trying to hard to help me and to get through to me and i just cant seem to let her in as much as i try . but at least i know she will keep on trying. i hate me, im not all that great of a person .i dont know why it is so important to her . i told her i didnt want her to care at all that it was just her job and she got upset again saying that of course she cares and will never stop no matter what she kept saying my job, my job right just my job. i guess T dont like it when you say things like that
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BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT  Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
 Amyjay, atisketatasket, ChickenNoodleSoup, chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, malika138, rainbow8, SalingerEsme, StrawberryBell, unaluna
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#2
May 18, 2018, 01:14 PM
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i can sort of see your T’s side of it-sort of. it probably is painful basically watching someone slowly kill themselves. i agree with your t on that part. what i don’t like is her crying so gd much. if she got a little teary, i would understand that.
i know i (and others) think your T is in over her head. i think her emotional reaction is way over the top, and is an indicator that she realizes that. i do agree she cares about you. i can’t imagine my T ever crying in session with me. i am way too closed off and un-emotional. if that ever happens i can’t imagine i would like that. at all. |
| granite1
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 granite1, growlycat
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#3
May 18, 2018, 01:19 PM
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i did bring up her anger . i think when i could say something i said "last session was so horrible . you were so angry with me " i may have said something more but dont remember . she said so now you are going to make it about me . it isnt about me its about you. so what i got angry .it isnt about me .i get over it . so im proud that i got angry and through tears said so you are allowed to get angry and im not allowed to have feelings about that and am not allowed to talk about that because then it is making it about you .i dont get it . i think this led to her talking about how it reminds me of the mother and it is different .but i am proud that i got angry and called her out on that . if she gets angry im allowed to respond
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BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
| LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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| BonnieJean, precaryous, unaluna
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#4
May 18, 2018, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
| unaluna
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#5
May 18, 2018, 01:22 PM
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My t has never cried in session. I think it would bother me greatly.
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-BJ 
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| granite1
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#6
May 18, 2018, 01:35 PM
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No, I would not like it. My T cares about me, but I expect her to handle her own feelings so that they don’t get in the way of our work. I also expect her to maintain a sense of boundaries and not get overly invested in what I am or am not doing.
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| granite1, LonesomeTonight
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#7
May 18, 2018, 03:19 PM
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Quote:
Granite, isnt the whole point of being around people to experience emotions? You read the comics to laugh, you watch a scary or romantic movie. Why would being around a t be any different? Its basically emotion school. Like your card classes. Its a place to understand how and what works. |
| atisketatasket, BonnieJean, granite1, LonesomeTonight, rainbow8, SalingerEsme
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#8
May 18, 2018, 05:16 PM
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Quote:
No - I did not like it when the therapist showed emotion - particularly when she showed more emotion than I did.(which was just about every time because I don't tend to be particularly emotive) And experiencing emotion is not my point of being around people. I did not hire a therapist to be an emotion school. I can see where that could be use -but I do not see it as universal.
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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#9
May 18, 2018, 05:19 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
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| LonesomeTonight
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| chihirochild, unaluna
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#11
May 18, 2018, 05:41 PM
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I like it when my therapist shows a bit of emotion. I find it quite touching, especially since he's Mr. Professional Blank Slate 99% of the time.
But he's never cried. Thank f*** for that. |
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#12
May 18, 2018, 05:42 PM
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My therapist expresses a lot of feelings. I find it helpful.
I used to never show much feeling. But because she does, I have learned that I can too. |
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#13
May 18, 2018, 05:48 PM
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My longtime T didn't out and out bawl or anything, but her voice became very unsteady and quavered a lot. I wasn't looking at her, so I don't know if there were any actual tears. I was talking about something truly horrible, so I don't really blame her. It didn't make me feel like I couldn't tell her things or that I had to protect her. However, we had been working together for years at that point. I told her many other horrible things and she didn't cry. She was emotive, though, which helped me feel connected to her and like I could read her without having to look at her.
My current T hasn't cried in session, and I can't picture her doing so. I suspect she's much more cynical about life and humanity and therefore less shocked by most of the things I tell her. She's not a blank slate, thank God, but she isn't very emotional, either. I would like it if she used her kind voice more, but that's not her personality, so it's ok that she doesn't. She's more matter-of-fact than emotional, I would say. |
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#14
May 18, 2018, 11:27 PM
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Nope. Nope. Nope. If my therapist starts crying and getting angry at me like that, I am out of there. It seems unlikely though. I picked him because he is calm...much calmer than me. He may have been slightly irritated at me once, but it was hard to tell. I emote all over the place, but that's why I go to therapy. He can go emote in his own therapist's office.
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| Middlemarcher
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#15
May 19, 2018, 03:47 AM
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I'm very ambivalent about it.
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#16
May 19, 2018, 10:56 AM
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Noooooo Thank you. I can handle a healthy debate, but thankfully my doc is very simple with his responses. He describes being frustrated, but he certainly does not show or sound it.
I could not be doing with my T flaking out on me. No, nope,niet,nix, nine.
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I Don't Care What You Think Of Me...I Don't Think Of You At All.CoCo Chanel. |
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#17
May 19, 2018, 05:03 PM
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Mine gets really angry with me sometimes. I like it. I know it means he cares about me.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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