My personal therapist and my couples therapist confer

My wife and I see a couples therapist (call her April) and we each see our own personal therapists. We are trying to work through some problems that have developed and grown over 15 years of a 27 year marriage. Our issues are complicated, multifaceted and involve things each of us has done that have caused pain to the other.

We both want to work through our issues and stay together. Re-read the previous sentence if you are thinking of advising me to take steps that will result in divorce. That is not my goal or wish. We are making progress and getting along better, although we have a long way to go.

Here's the dilemma I face now: I am making sufficient progress in my individual therapy that I am opening up to, and dealing with, some life-long sexuality issues. I am bi, having spent my teens and 20s in exclusively hetero relationships and encounters, but having admitted to myself my attractions to men as well in my late 30s and 40s, occasionally acting on it.

I want to be more open and honest with my individual therapist about this, and have excellent rapport with him ("Ted"), but the way we have set things up is that our couples therapist consults and works with each of our individual therapists, speaking weekly or nearly so. They all know each other and have worked together before. I am not ready to tell my wife everything (although I have told her about y bi tendencies and we are working through that). I feel certain that if every betrayal was laid out on the table (a history of oral sex encounters over time, largely with me as recipient), she would terminate therapy and we divorce me. I have good reason for feeling this way. Every confession made so far has almost ended things and there is a point at which the last straw will break the camel's back. This knowledge of course inhibits me from telling "Ted" everything.

I know, I know -- the standard prescription is complete honesty and let the chips fall where they may. Betrayal can only be overcome through total honesty... I get it. But I don't want those chips falling where I am sure they would: divorce, damage to nearly adult children, financial disaster, personal life mayhem. So please accept that, and do not tell me to do something that will lead to disaster from my perspective. I am willing to be completely faithful -- as I have been since we started this process-- and not act on same-sex attractions. As we work through our problems, the urge subsides, I have found.

Should I open up to Ted about literally everything I have done -- and put him in a bad position of not being able to share it with April? Or should I seek a new therapist who is not in communication at all with our couples therapist and who can help guide me through all this without any impediment? I am leaning toward the latter but would appreciate advice, other then to just fess up and have my wife leave me. Thanks for considering this thorny dilemma.