[MessyD]

We have been discussing feelings in therapy lately and my inability to name and express emotions and sit with them. I really think accessing emotions and being able to understand myself will be a huge factor in my improvement, but it's something no matter how much I try I still can't seem to comprehend what I'm feeling. Especially when it comes to being in the session itself, I just seem to shut down emotions and at times I almost feel numb. And when I do feel them, I am not able to express them, I just sit in the corner of the couch and freeze.

T seems to think that there is a lot deep deep inside, so it would be a good idea to start digging deeper. Now this is scary because I worry that I won't find anything but emptiness, or there will be too much. But now I have become aware that I know and understand so little about myself that it really bothers me and I am willing to try. But how and where do I start? I am generally a quite sensitive person and feel too much of things that aren't even a big deal but lately and don't feel much of anything other than painful emptiness. I know that can change anytime but even when I do feel lot of things during the week, it's all gone and but the time I'm in session, I'm fine and it all seems insignificant.
I honestly admire people that go in and are able to start crying or get mad at their T. I just start smiling for no reason, or make a joke.

I guess what I'm asking is is it possible to learn that or am I going to be emotionally dumb forever? There has been some progress, I mean I went from "I have feelings?" To " I feel something bad but don't know what" and then to "I want to feel and express them, just don't know how" and that step I don't seem to be able to overcome, so I'd be happy to hear any suggestion you might have.

[winterblues17]

I don't have many answers unfortunately because I'm also 'that' client that just cannot access and feel emotions when in session. Even though at times I know I have felt awful beforehand and once again after!

I don't even think it's a trust thing anymore, although I believe it was to begin with, but I suppose I go into a safe zone in session and end up feeling content in the moment!

I also must admit to envying others who can just go in and feel and express the emotions they sit with throughout the week, and I would see this as a huge step in the right direction!

I think though from reading this, you are definitely heading in the right direction, and I just think perhaps baby steps.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by winterblues17

I don't have many answers unfortunately because I'm also 'that' client that just cannot access and feel emotions when in session. Even though at times I know I have felt awful beforehand and once again after!

I don't even think it's a trust thing anymore, although I believe it was to begin with, but I suppose I go into a safe zone in session and end up feeling content in the moment!

I also must admit to envying others who can just go in and feel and express the emotions they sit with throughout the week, and I would see this as a huge step in the right direction!

I think though from reading this, you are definitely heading in the right direction, and I just think perhaps baby steps.

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not alone! I also don't thing it's a trust issue anymore. Some walls are still up but I think it's me never letting them all down rather than anything to do with him cause he's been nothing but patient with me.

[maybeblue]

What I have done when I have been completely unable to express myself to a therapist is to write down what I am feeling and thinking when I am upset about something. Then I take the writing to him and even if I'm feeling better during the session (I often am) I make myself either hand it to him or read it to him. Sometimes that is enough to bring back the feelings and it can be very productive.

I am also "that" client BUT I've gotten better about naming & expressing feelings too. I cry sometimes in her office. I tell her if im angry. If i dont know what im feeling, we figure it out together. I definitely think that it is something that can be learned. <3 It takes time, patience, and courage. Best of luck!

[DP_2017]

Maybeblue

Me too
Was gonna suggest doing that..works well

[tomatenoir]

Originally Posted by besidemyselvez

I am also "that" client BUT I've gotten better about naming & expressing feelings too. I cry sometimes in her office. I tell her if im angry. If i dont know what im feeling, we figure it out together. I definitely think that it is something that can be learned. <3 It takes time, patience, and courage. Best of luck!

I agree. I used to feel emotionally numb and space out for up to two hours a day. I could not cry when I first saw my therapist. I can now cry, identify most of my feelings if given time, and don't dissociate anywhere as much as I used to. There is definitely hope .

I've found accepting the feelings and simply letting them come out in lots of different ways (crying at the end of my private yoga practice, making art, writing poems, sand trays, convos with therapist, role pays between my 'thinking side' and 'emotional side') has continued to help me understand (and identify!) what I'm feeling.

Good luck.

[coolibrarian]

Don't worry about where to start. Start anywhere.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by tomatenoir

I agree. I used to feel emotionally numb and space out for up to two hours a day. I could not cry when I first saw my therapist. I can now cry, identify most of my feelings if given time, and don't dissociate anywhere as much as I used to. There is definitely hope .

I've found accepting the feelings and simply letting them come out in lots of different ways (crying at the end of my private yoga practice, making art, writing poems, sand trays, convos with therapist, role pays between my 'thinking side' and 'emotional side') has continued to help me understand (and identify!) what I'm feeling.

Good luck.

wow...you have a lot of positive strategies.

[MessyD]

I do write things sometimes and give it to him if it’s something hard for me to say. It does help although everything it’s mostly covered in shame, like omg can’t believe somebody is reading about my thoughts and feelings, but it always ends up good and I feel relieved. But I do have trouble when he sees something is going on for me in the moment and asks me what I am feeling. Usually I only say I don’t know but he doesn’t buy that anymore and says that if I stop saying that I will maybe know.

[stopdog]

The woman once told me I never showed her any of my feelings except anger. I have no idea what showing an emotion even means. I was not going to cry around her (I would not do and really never had an urge).

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The woman once told me I never showed her any of my feelings except anger. I have no idea what showing an emotion even means. I was not going to cry around her (I would not do and really never had an urge).

I guess everyone expresses themselves differently. My T would be impressed if I showed him some anger. But probably just because I don't really show much of anything. And when I actually did feel angry, I did say I was, but still with a smile, wth.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by tomatenoir

I agree. I used to feel emotionally numb and space out for up to two hours a day. I could not cry when I first saw my therapist. I can now cry, identify most of my feelings if given time, and don't dissociate anywhere as much as I used to. There is definitely hope .

I've found accepting the feelings and simply letting them come out in lots of different ways (crying at the end of my private yoga practice, making art, writing poems, sand trays, convos with therapist, role pays between my 'thinking side' and 'emotional side') has continued to help me understand (and identify!) what I'm feeling.

Good luck.

Thank you, this gives me hope! I also space out at times, after some sessions I'm spaced out for the rest of the day, not really sure that has anything to do with anything. But I think I mostly struggle with accepting my feelings, maybe if I can be ok with them, it will be easier to let them out.

[Lemoncake]

When I first started therapy I didn't even know what I felt. One thing I found helpful was a just having a sheet with cartoon faces drawn on it and being able to pick something.

It from was here:

How Emotions Affect The Body - Health Fitness Revolution

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by MessyD

We have been discussing feelings in therapy lately and my inability to name and express emotions and sit with them. I really think accessing emotions and being able to understand myself will be a huge factor in my improvement, but it's something no matter how much I try I still can't seem to comprehend what I'm feeling. Especially when it comes to being in the session itself, I just seem to shut down emotions and at times I almost feel numb. And when I do feel them, I am not able to express them, I just sit in the corner of the couch and freeze.


T seems to think that there is a lot deep deep inside, so it would be a good idea to start digging deeper. Now this is scary because I worry that I won't find anything but emptiness, or there will be too much. But now I have become aware that I know and understand so little about myself that it really bothers me and I am willing to try. But how and where do I start? I am generally a quite sensitive person and feel too much of things that aren't even a big deal but lately and don't feel much of anything other than painful emptiness. I know that can change anytime but even when I do feel lot of things during the week, it's all gone and but the time I'm in session, I'm fine and it all seems insignificant.

I honestly admire people that go in and are able to start crying or get mad at their T. I just start smiling for no reason, or make a joke.


I guess what I'm asking is is it possible to learn that or am I going to be emotionally dumb forever? There has been some progress, I mean I went from "I have feelings?" To " I feel something bad but don't know what" and then to "I want to feel and express them, just don't know how" and that step I don't seem to be able to overcome, so I'd be happy to hear any suggestion you might have.

Yes, I think it is possible to able to learn to identify them! Sensitive people feel a lot but it can be hard for us to name those feelings because we spend so much time trying to hide our feelings because they are too much or we feel too much or annoy people with our sensitivity.
I thought for ages I had a condition called alexithymia ( where you can’t identify feelings) but with lots of work in therapy I am learning to identify them. It has taken years but it has been worth it.
My t was very patient and would stay with it till I would describe it to her. Sometimes I would draw something or she would ask me to pick a symbol. I wondered what her obsession with my feelings was but now I see how important they are for me.
I really hope you find your and learn to express them!

[stopdog]

What do people do to express them? I mean I have said I am happy or sad or angry. But other than that - what do people do?

[katydid777]

I have a very hard time expressing my feelings, except anger, but if I get so angry at someone I cry, I think I do this bc I am non confrontational to the extreme.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by stopdog

What do people do to express them? I mean I have said I am happy or sad or angry. But other than that - what do people do?

I used to never express them and bottle them all in and now expressing them for me anyway means telling someone “I feel really pissed off right now”.
Once I got so mad at my partner I threw plates at the wall but it was more helpful then getting angry and depressed by keeping that anger in.

[nottrustin]

I could have written your post. It is a lot of work and I am working with 2 therapiats on this. They both seems optimistic but we know it will not be easy and without pain.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by stopdog

What do people do to express them? I mean I have said I am happy or sad or angry. But other than that - what do people do?

Just talk. I can be positively chilling when taking the hand of a new acquaintance. I can mope when the market’s up. What do people do? React — usually — to stimuli. Our lives are spent finding the smiling-face-that-binds. I have a ‘type’ that I constantly see: a funny-face blonde, smart and lovely and interesting. Ana Marie/Kirsten.

Just keep talking. Maybe you’ll find a quiver in your voice as you speak of your sadness. Talking in therapy reminds me of confession — it is confession, these days. I’m never — seldom — ashamed of my deeds: Ashamed as I speak of them.

I think that I can say that shame is one of my less pleasant feelings.